A Brief Letter to the Fans

Dear Loyal Readers (both of you)--

OK. I'm not gonna lie. I will be vague, though. Some shit has gone down in the thirty days since I last posted anything here. That shit has almost completely derailed Project Resolution, along with a few other things in my life.



If you don't already know what is up, you'll just have to contact me to get the scoop. However, in the interest of self-improvement (which is, after all, what Project Resolution is all about in the first place), I am going to try to get this thing back on track. So...on with the show!

--The Tauz

Good-bye, Maman Sibyl

I wanted to toss out a quick "sorry" for all you devoted fans out there...and a bit of a mushy explanation.

I've been a bit more lax in my dedication to Blauging this month than I was last month, but such is the roller coaster nature a resolution.

I've been dealing with some stuff lately, so I've been favoring the off-line journaling, as opposed to baring my soul to the Internets. Thanks to Project Resolution, I've remembered how therapeutic writing can be in times of trouble.

For those of you who don't know, my maternal grandmother, Sibyl Carriere Kidder, died Friday, February 16th, 2007 at about 3:30am at my Mom and Dad's house. She went peacefully, with my mother at her side.

This is Mom, Me, Maman Sibyl, and Dad at my "new" apartment in York in Summer '05. It was the only time she saw any of my apartments, and also the only time that I (and Whitney) cooked for her, instead of the other way around.

We are grateful for the time we had her, a mere 92 and a half years. She and I became close when she moved up here from her home in Louisiana some three years ago. Before then, I was limited to experiencing her in 1- to 2-week bursts of things called "Family Vacations." In the past three years we got to know each other better and that means the world to me, and I know she felt the same way.

I am traveling down to Louisiana Thursday - Sunday for her funeral. We will say our final good-byes Friday, and she will be laid to rest next to her loving late husband of 57 years.

She will be missed dearly by all who knew her. I am a better person for having had her in my life. I love you, Maman.

Time Bender?

It's weird how a few days can feel like an eternity.

I have a notebook at home. I write in it some nights. Other nights, when I feel like I have a solid or interesting idea to share, I toss you folks a Blaug entry. On the nights that I don't write, I at least write down the date and a one- or two-word description of why there's not more on that day. Most of them just say "skipped" or "fell asleep".

Well, the last time I wrote something decent in my notebook was January 29th. The next night I wrote my previous Blaug entry and the night after I wrote some pretty crappy dialogue for my Spencer story, which I find hard to qualify as an entry for Project Resolution. Then I skipped one night, started a Blaug draft for Valentine's Day the next, and then skipped two more nights until tonight when I both wrote in the notebook and I tapped out this little ditty of an entry.

It feels like it's been forever since I've written. I'm not sure why, but it definitely felt like I fell off the wagon there for a while...like I'd hit the Second-Month Slump (TM) that threatens all good resolutions. I attribute this mostly to a sudden and inexplicable lack of enthusiasm for my craft. And in this weakened state, I cast around for distractions...and I found one of the most dangerous, mere inches from my face.

There I am, trying to think of something to write, and >blink!< ...away goes my desktop. Here comes a parade of familiar faces. There's me at Homecoming in 2004! There's when Maman Sibyl and Mom and Dad came to visit me at my apartment! There's me and Whitney in D.C.! It's the "My Pictures" Screensaver.

An hour later, I'm drifting off to sleep without having found something to write about. It's so hypnotizing and comforting. Looking at all of the memories captured and flashing at an easy, steady pace before my eyes. I'm powerless to stop it, but it's so...so... damn... pleasant....

But the danger isn't limited to my computers...no no no. Mom and Dad both have theirs set to show these attention quagmires. You can be in the middle of a conversation about something as serious as the death of the community's llama or how they've found a cure for war, but when that first family photo pops up, it's over. One of you may giggle or comment or break eye contact for a split second...whatever it is, that's when the other person looks over and starts explaining what each picture is or the quick story behind it. These things are dangerous. Now we'll never be able to navigate our conversation back to the important topic of how to give first aid for a dragon bite when you're stranded in the desert.

The MPS is the perfect procrastination trap. It seems so innocent in its passive process. Its sweet siren song lures you in with its familiarity; like that annoying pop song that you've only heard enough of to recognize the chorus, but every time you friggin hear it, it's stuck on repeat in your head for the next two damn days. But with the Screesaver, there's no limit to how much time gets sucked away from you. At least with the pop song thing you have some possible solutions to get away from it:

1. Go listen to that song and get it outta your system
2. Flood your poor little brain with so many other annoying songs that it becomes impossible for one to stick out in your mind all by itself.
3. Drag your neighbors and loved ones with you in a downward spiral towards whichever ring of Hell is reserved for the scribes of these hatefully catchy tunes and those who can't shake 'em by singing/humming/whistling said tune over and over until you die from terribleness.

The MPS is also comparable to the Mirror of Erised from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. You sit in front of it and watch as your desires (or in this case, fun memories) float in front of you. The problem is, however, that the time is flying by you as well.

Now, this Blaug entry wasn't meant to place the blame SOLELY on the MPS, but more to call everyone's attention to this time leech. If you do decide to use this dangerous drug, please minimize the amount of pictures that are available to it. You can limit its evil power by doing so, and thus increase your chances of spending a few minutes in its grasp rather than a few hours.

It's a terrible feeling when you wake yourself up to the realization that you've been standing in the middle of a room, drool running down through your soul patch, staring at a cavalcade of pixels for much longer than you could have ever planned to. Meanwhile, the things you really wanted or needed to get done have gone neglected, such as my writing for the past week has...

In a weird way, I guess you could say that it can waste an eternity in mere minutes.

Project Resolution Update

Here's my January Progress Report for Project Resolution:

I have been developing a story about a guy named Spencer who is allergic to everything, but who also throws killer parties. I realize now that this particular fiction piece will not be done for my self-imposed (read: self-suggested) deadline of January 31. I, however, am not disappointed in myself.

The project has me thinking about things to write about on here in The Blaug, as well as pursuing a solid storyline for my first real try at fiction. It has gotten me into the habit of making time to write more in general, every day. I've only not written something in accordance with the terms of Project Resolution on 6 and a half days out of the first month (I only half-count the Whitney Rocks Blaug post). That's not half-bad, especially when compared to the massive number of days I didn't write in the last few years. I don't think this is a rationalization, but it surely comes as close to being one as possible without crossing the line.

I look at this as a good, solid start on my way toward my goal of writing more.

I've not decided if I'll stick with the one project per month idea...but I'll try to think of something specific/unique to do as a February "project".

...maybe.

In February I hope to add another feature to The Tauz Blaug about entertainment trivia. Something akin to the questions I left at the end of a couple of the entries this month, but in a more accessible way (if that makes sense).

Also, look out for an increase the number of photos I put into my entries, cuz I think it's funny and adds to the overall enjoyability factor of the post.

And, hey, jerk-faces...I really like comments, so if you read this, leave comments, please! I'm open to constructive criticisms, smartass comments, and your mom jokes or whatever. Even if it's just a pitiful, "Yo. I read this post. I liked or disliked it. --Jamal" LEAVE ONE.

So...it's 2am and I'm crashing hard...later, y'all.

Is this A New Hope -- OR-- The Phantom Menace?

Greetings, all.

In the great American tradition, I have made a New Year's Resolution. This is a bit of a change for me, since I have never been real big on self-improvement, seeing as how I am pretty damn awesome already. However, I'm always saying that I should write more than I do, so I figured this was a great opportunity to try to better myself.

My resolution (obviously) is to write more this year. My goal is to write once a day, be it here on my brand new weblog, or in my notebook at home. The whole point is just to get myself into a habit of writing. Even if it's just one paragraph about how dreadfully tired I am or a few new plot point possibilities for some story I haven't started writing yet or some other crazy project idea...really just writing anything I want to, simply for the sake of writing.

I've always been told I write well, and I have always been proud of my ability to prove those compliments. Lately, though, I've been wondering how I can justify believing the truth in that, when I've barely written anything substantial since college... it's been bugging me for quite some time, and I think this may be the first step to alleviating that nagging feeling and validating some of those 'he writes well' sentiments.

In the first week of this endeavor, which I have ingeniously titled Project Resolution, I pondered to myself about how best to use these writing sessions. I decided that I will make 'assignments' for myself each month, so I can hold myself accountable for some sort of progress toward some smaller goals. The first month's task is a short story...it may not be very good, but at least it's a start. If I have the balls to, or if I'm confident enough in it, I'll post a draft or two of it here for open critiques from my adoring fans. (Both of you.)

As for right now, I'm balls tired and I'm going to hit the hay. Here's to a new beginning!

Now leave me a comment and try to name the movie: "May your first child be a masculine child!"