REVIEW: Spider-Man 3: The One With Too Many Villains

Hmm. This will be my first real review of anything here on The Blaug. Usually when I see/hear/watch/read something I just kinda discuss it with friends, but I've been meaning to start writing about entertainment stuff I've consumed.

So I'll start now for a couple of reasons:
1) I'm still in it with The Resolution.
2) I just saw Spider-Man 3.
3) I'm not tired and I feel like writing.
4) I also want to put my take on the flick out there before I read the live web-log from Joe at www.fourhman.com because I tend to be pretty suggestible when it comes to reviewing stuff.

(I've also kept it pretty damn SPOILER-FREE, so read on!)

So, the movie of the summer! It's finally here. Joe, Tony and Melissa and I went to see Spidey swing into action tonight. We arrived a bit later than we should have, tho. After waiting in a line for about 10 minutes, apparently for the previous showing to empty out, we were getting a bit anxious. When we first got in line, we had confirmed with a theater representative that this was, in fact, the line for Spider-Man 3. But, when the line didn't move and it was 10:20...we joked that it was the line for the 10:45 show, and not the 10:15 show, which we had tickets for. We checked again, and we were totally waiting in line for the wrong showing. Boneheads.

So we booked in to the theater and scouted some seats. Tony and Miss grabbed two seats down front together, and Joe and I went to the only other pair of seats open: very front, very center (actually, a bit off to the left, to be exact).

Joe rocked the live weblog thing with his phone. It was great to giggle at something or make some snarky comment and then he'd jot something down in his phone. It did add to the entertainment value, I must admit.

So did the ambience of the local York crowd. Between the 7-year-old and her (maybe) 20-year-old mom on my left, and the, shall we say, mildly outspoken gentlemen behind and to the right of us, we had some quality commentary going on.

Not that Joe and I were totally silent the whole time, mind you; what with the groans of agony, the giggles of shame, and the rare "oh hell yeah!" (that last one was primarily me.)

The movie itself was...entertaining. I thought there was too much dancing, personally. Not that I'm against movie dancing, but, honestly...what the fuck was that whole scene where "Dark Peter" danced his way down the street? And aside from the dancing, I love how they made "Dark Peter" look like he just came off the stage with Good Charlotte..."It's the little things that try and get you down, y'know Pete?" Sheesh.

Irregardless of the shabby emo kid look, do you really think that making him swing dance down the streets of NYC is gonna make us think he's a badass? Is this supposed to be an ironic nod to the fact that Peter is the ultimate nerd, and therefore this is the most evil he can be (at this point in the progression, at least)? Weak.

As with most superhero flicks, there was a high camp factor throughout. The difference here was the feeling it brought forth in me. Like, when the cheese levels went through the roof in X-Men (1 & 2), I geeked out and laughed, cuz I got the in-joke or realized what they were going for. Here, though, the corny parts brought shameful giggles or a rolling of the eyes...not a good thing. It was camp that would've been too campy even in the books, I think. Specifically any scene in which Harry smiles, evilly or not.

As I stated many times before I saw the movie, this should have been subtitled "The One With Too Many Villains". I stand by that, although they all didn't seem nearly as difficult to tie together as I thought it would be. Let's just say that I wouldn't call it the movie's biggest problem.

There were too many Harrys in this flick. We saw a minimum of 3 different embodiments of Harry throughout. I don't want to be Mr. Spoiler, so I'll just say that it was a bit distracting to keep track of all of the different changes to his character throughout the flick.

Bruce Campbell's part was pretty damn funny. Great running gag; both for his character in #3 and having The Man With The Chin in each installment of the Spidey story. I dig it.

Venom was cool. I was excited when the symbiote peeled back to reveal the face within when they talked. The look was evil, creepy, wild and pretty kickass. However, I just realized that they didn't have Venom refer to himself as "us" or "we" like the character is known for doing, being two symbiotic creatures and all...

As for The Sandman, I was skeptical about his inclusion at first, but I ended up not minding him in there as much as I thought I would. Although it seemed like they tried too hard to tie Flint Marco to Uncle Ben's death, it wasn't terrible, I guess. It was a reach, definitely. I'm pretty sure that was never the case in the comics... And I'm not even sure that I liked how he was characterized as a good guy with bad luck. (Especially when they blatantly pound the audience over the head in order to characterize him with a line from his own mouth: "I'm not a bad man. I just have bad luck.")

Be that as it may, however, one of the more decent and almost touching scenes was when he was 'awakening' out of the sand. I thought it was pretty emotional, actually. Why did I think that was excellent, but the rest of the emotional stuff seemed a bit contrived? Maybe it was the actor, or the lack of dialogue. Maybe it was the CG, or maybe it was that I'm tired of Mary-Jane's bullshit (he's SPIDER-MAN, for fuck's sake! Cut him a break, lady!). I liked seeing him try to walk and re-form himself. It was a nice touch in my opinion.

Oh...and Bernard...the fucking butler? Why don't you just lift that shit straight outta the DC archives, there chums...shoulda just named this outta-nowhere Goblin Family Loyalist 'Alfred'...wtf? Joe and I shared a continuous laugh during his whole scene: "I've seen some crazy things in this house...I loved your father like I love you...like your friends love you..." What...in the butt? (Not that there's anything wrong with that...) C'MON!!! How could I NOT laugh at that?!?

And of course, as expected, the fight scenes were pretty damn cool. I, like most of the other Yorkies, enjoyed all of The Punching(TM). Good times.

OH! and the best part of the night may have been the collective gasp that the ENTIRE audience breathed when a young lady gets assaulted...in the face (in the movie). I thought that was priceless. That and when the kid next to me asked around the "15 minutes left to go" mark, "Mommy, will this soon be over?" Yeah, kid...way to speak what most of us were thinking.

My ranking for Spider-Man 3:

73 outta 100.

The Tauz Recommends: Check it out on the big screen b/c the fights are kickass when they're bigger...but definitely catch it for a matinee or discount price.