The Epic Tale of The Tauz's Wii

***(SPOILER ALERT!!!)***

I got a Wii for Christmas.

It was a complete surprise, and I have to give my parents props for pulling it off so well. They did have some help, though, and it's a great story. And so, I'll tell you all about it now!

In true Tauzin style, I will start at the very beginning, which, at first will seem absolutely and completely unrelated to the topic at hand, but stick with me and it'll all make sense eventually...

The Obscure Beginnings of The Setup
-----------------------------------

So, around July of '07, my parents were starting to destroy rooms of their house. They ripped up the old carpets and chucked massive amounts of furniture around the house. Now, I know you're thinking, "Wow...Clay doesn't seem like he'd be such a violent guy!", but you're way off.

Wait. You're right about my dad being a not-violent guy. You're off in thinking that that's why they were tearin' shit up around their house. Their intentions were not to destroy, but to redecorate and redo tons of stuff in their home. (It seems that retired people tend to do this, as well as increase the amount of times they travel to new places to take vacations.)

One day in October (maybe September or November, I'm not sure, actually) my parents were coming up to York to do some home improvement shopping. Since they were going to be in the area, they called me and asked if I wanted to go to dinner at Outback with them.

So, during dinner conversation (I said yes to their dinner invitation, in case you didn't draw that natural conclusion) I mentioned that I had hung out with Caleb and Autumn the night before. (For those of you who don't know, I've known Caleb since I was a junior and he was a freshman at Susky HS. He and I were in the drumline together and have been friends since then... I was even in his wedding, during which he and Autumn exchanged their vows.)

My mom inquired about what they were up to these days. I said that Caleb was working as a manager at a video game shop after a horrible bit of employment at a casket factory. Then, when I mentioned that Autumn was looking for a job, Mom told me to call her right then and there and invite her to meet us at Outback, so Mom could ask if she'd help them redo the house and be their decorator.

It ended up that she couldn't meet us at Outback, because of car trouble, but instead, I went and picked her up and brought her to meet Mom and Dad at Lowe's after dinner, for an "interview" and consult. They ended up hiring her and she started working with them, like, the next day. Yay!


The Build-Up
------------

So, fast forward to December. After having been exposed to Joe's and Tony's and Molyneaux's Wiis over the past year, I'd come to realize that I should just break down and buy one for myself. Even though I've never really owned a game console during its main run of popularity, the Wii has qualities that made me want in on the action this time around. (I did own a second-hand Sega Genesis system, but it was near the end of its prime game-producing era.)

After realizing that I wanted one, I mentioned it to my parents one day when I was visiting. I really didn't expect them to do anything about it, other than ask me to explain what the hell a "Wii" was. I told them how the Wii consoles were in very high demand and kinda hard to find, since they were so kick-ass. And after explaining some of the things it actually did (and telling them they'd have fun with it, too, if I got one) it was never really brought up again.

The Search
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At least not between me and my parents. However, it continued to be on my mind throughout the weeks leading up to Christmas. Joe, ever the encourager of people getting in on smart, current, and totally awesome gear, tossed me a tip just before Christmas. There was supposedly a big shipment of Wiis going out all across the U.S. on 12/15, and I thought I'd be totally awesome and go out and snag one for myself.

Even though I was starting to feel shitty because of an oncoming cold (which would end up being The Cold That Hated Christmas), I got up way early for a Saturday and headed out on a Wii-search. I got up at 7am, y'all. That's horrible-early for me. And especially worse cuz I probably didn't get to be until like, 2 or 3am (cuz I'm an idiot). But that's how dedicated I was to getting a Wii.

Here I am that morning, all excited to start my quest:



Like a champ, I was going to hit the Target down the street from my place first, hoping to find a ton of newly-stocked consoles behind the glass. But I turned out to me more like a chump... because when I rolled up to Target, they were not open yet.

W. T. F.

I thought that Target had mega-extended hours all throughout the Christmas season. Apparently not. Turns out, neither do Circuit City or Best Buy, cuz I cruised by those Wii hotspots only to find gated doors and empty parking lots. I didn't even bother with the mall, because I could see that it wasn't open as I drove between Target and C.C.

My last shot was that evil mega-store that's "always" open...Wal*Mart. You can tell that I was either dedicated or desperate at this point. I ventured into the 24-hour portal to Hell, sailed down the aisles to the electronics department, and glanced into the glass containers to behold...

Nawthin.

The emptiness behind that glass case spoke to me. It said, "Ain't no Wiis in East York, Tauzin. Go home." I think it laughed at me with an evil laugh as I walked away...like it knew something that I didn't...

So home, and to bed I went. In my head I thought maybe I could get up again in a couple of hours when the stores actually opened and check again.

I didn't. I slept 'til at least noon. I did make the rounds again later that afternoon, but it turned out to be another fruitless effort.

During the next week, there was a big story about how GameStop (the store where Caleb works) was giving out Wii vouchers. The deal was that you pay in full for a Wii that day, and if you are one of the 20 or so people lucky enough to snag one of these vouchers, you are guaranteed to get your console by the end of January. The trick was getting to the store early enough to get your mitts on one of 'em.

That posed a problem, because The Cold That Hated Christmas was upon me, and getting less rest at this point was a horrible idea. Desperate for advice, I called Caleb. I called to see if he could tell me when I should go to get in line, if I ended up going really early. He told me that, instead of going and waiting in line in the cold like a loser, he'd hold one for me after the vouchers were all fulfilled.

Awesome. I was relieved that I wouldn't have to be a dumbass and get up early again, and I could rest and try to recuperate.

The Home Stretch
----------------

That weekend was a big one, because Mom and Dad held a multi-purpose Open House Event. It was to celebrate:

1) Jeff and Terry being home for Christmas.
2) Jeff and Terry's 6th Wedding Anniversary.
3) Christmas in general.
4) The completion of the Tauzin House Redecoration Project.

Tons of people were there. And so was I. However, I brought along my Cold That Hated Christmas, so I didn't stay as long as I normally would have. Nor did I have as much fun as a Healthy Me would have. But I was there long enough to have another conversation with Caleb about the Wii, in front of Jeff. It was during this conversation that Bigg Dogg confirmed that I would probably have a Wii by February. Upon hearing this, I said, "I cool with having a Wii by February! I'm excited!" What a fool was I.

The Payoff
------------

All during Christmas Morning at Mom and Dad's there were presents under the tree. One stuck out as "The Big Present", though. I couldn't help but read the tag..."To Josh". Sweeeet. But then I looked at the size of it. It was eerily close to the size of a printer box. I know this because I had just gotten a new printer/scanner/copier from Amazon (thanks to an amazing deal discovered by Anna!!).

My heart sunk down to my toes, and then sprung back up to my tonsils. I thought they'd gotten me a printer, even though I told them I had already gotten one. (Let this be a lesson to all of you: Don't buy shit for yourself between Thanksgiving and Christmas!) With this notion in my head, I was dreading opening that Big Present instead of marveling in it. I thought I had ruined Christmas.



But Mom insisted that it be the Christmas Finale Present. You know...the last present unwrapped that's supposed to be the awesomest thing of the day. So I dutifully knelt down next to it, with all eyes on me. I shook it and heard...

Sleigh bells?

Nice touch, Mom.

To throw me off the Scent of What's Inside, she'd put jingle bells in the box. It was then that I stopped thinking that it was a printer. I started to get really excited and curious, which is what you're supposed to feel when opening the Big Present. Good on ya, Mom.

I ripped the wrapping to reveal a lamp box. Another classic Mom Tauzin Gift-Wrapping Move. She once gave a teenage Jeff a gift wrapped in an empty Tampax box. Cuh-lassic. (Of course I didn't get the joke at the time...) So I was positive it wasn't a printer at this point.

I start unpacking the insulation in the box. It's old curtains and a few tablecloths. At this point I realize that she's using another classic move: The This Box Is Way Too Big For The Present Within. I play along and start draping the old curtains and tablecloths around myself, poncho-style.

I finally remove a layer and unveil the Actual Gift: a Wii.

O.

M.

F.

G.



Completely shocked. Completely awed. Completely ecstatic.

Well done, everyone. Well done.


When Can We Set It Up?
----------------------

Hugs and sincere thanks are enthusiastically given to Mom and Dad. The conversations about "how I'm lucky I didn't find one and buy one on my own" and "I knew about this when..." and "when are we setting it up?" started. The Spinks arrived about five minutes after that. We did our greetings and then I started setting it up. Guess what time it was?



This year's Tauzin/Spink Christmas Theme was the music that plays while you're making Miis. We did that for so long and it was great. I did mine first, then we made a Jeffwii, Markii, Tewii (Terry), Laura, Dootswii (Mom), Cii-Tii (Dad), and even a Kywii (Kylie), even though she was not interested in playing.

Below, Mark and Terry snicker as they create Mom's Mii, without her consultation. It brought them great enjoyment to mess around and give her inappropriately large features, which they eventually resized to make a really convincing Mii for my Mom. She approved, but didn't appreciate the snickering...



Then it was on to learning how to Wii bowl.

Everyone got the hang of it pretty quickly, actually. We played Jeff, Terry, me, and Mom started the game, but Mom bailed for socializing and hostess duties, so Laura's brother John stepped in. Turns out he was a ringer. He schooled us. Here are the final standings of the first Wii Bowling game (Mom = John).



Oh. And look how Jeff Wii bowls:



Unique, wouldn't you say?

Then we did some training. Turns out Mom is great at Wii bowling after all... She killed us on the Power Training for bowling. Here's a clip, which she will be very angry about having it posted, but oh well. WORTH IT!!



That about wrapped up the Christmas Day. It was awesome...and not just because of the Wii. (Although that didn't dampen the mood of the day at all...)

The First Two Wiiks
--------------

I set the Wii up when I got home. On Loban's gargantuan tv, it's pretty fuckin' sweet, I gotta say.

Of course he enjoys playing it when he gets a chance. And in the week following Christmas, my system traveled to three different places to be set up, other than my own place: Mom and Dad's, Mark and Laura's, and Eep's house in the 'Burgh. It brought joy and wonder to all of those locales.

And in the first week of January, I had two different groups of people over for Wii fun nights. The first consisted of some good high school friends: Ashley Grupp and Wendy Glatfelter. Molyneaux (who is also a "high school friend")and Gruppy's friend Meg also joined us.

We (sans Molyneaux, as he was at work) went out to Outback for dinner that night, and the plan was to go bowling somewhere in York after that. During the meal, I suggested a cheaper and smoke-free alternative in Wii Bowling at my place. They all were very excited at this possibility.

They were all also excited by the attractive male server who was waiting on us at Outback. In order to flirt a bit with him, they asked him to take our picture. So, here's the picture that Cody The Cute Waiter From Outback took of our merry little dinner party.



Good job, Cody.

Then, it was back to my place to show these ladies my Wii. And let them play with it.

At first they were curious and confused. And by curious I mean Wendy. And by confused I mean Ashley.



But once they got into the swing of things... (as Gruppy demonstrates her baseball follow-through)



...some of them emerged champions...(like Meg, below)



...while others showed their valor by taking a slightly more experienced player on...



Much fun was had by all. They want to come back and do it again.

Heh. "Do it."

"Again."

And just because I have apparently have a deathwish... Here's video of Molyneaux Wii Boxing.



Anyways...the very next night, more people came over to play. The difference between this group and the previous night's was odd. I have known Ashley and Wendy since middle school, so...probably 15+ years or so. The group that was over the next night I'd known for about 8 hours or so. And that was by the END of the night.

Molyneaux had invited me to dine with some of his work buddies from Borders, and then we went to see Sweeney Todd (which kicked ass). Afterward, we were all kinda lingering out in the lobby and I offered up a Wii outing for those interested. The three I barely knew, plus the one I did know, plus Molyneaux again, all came over to play with my Wii.

'Twas awesome once more.

And I predict many more great times to be had with this magical system...

Thanks for reading this Massive Blaug Entry... hope it was worth the wait.

BTW, check out the new feature here at The Tauz Blaug! It's my daily excuses as to why I didn't do a REAL Blaug entry that day... I think it's funny. Let me know what you think of it, too.