The List

Some friends have recently posted their lists of "Shows I've Seen Every Episode of" to their Facebook pages. Every time one of those popped up in my news feed, I was tempted, but I really wanted to give it a bit more thought before I posted mine.

I actually spent extended periods of time thinking about this extraordinarily important topic. For example: I specifically remember doing a large chunk of memory-stretching while in the shower one day, even.

So, when it showed up again in my FB news feed this evening, I clicked the link and went to work trying to remember the 5 shows I'd come up with. I didn't want to post it and then remember a show that I'd be ashamed to have not mentioned in this, The Most Important List of My Life. I even went so far as to sign in to my MySpace account (I had to click the "Forgot My Password" link first, though) to check my own profile to make sure I hit all the important shows.

And I'm glad I went to the trouble of retrieving my password to my defunct account, because I almost missed one that would have made me cry, had I excluded it. (It ended up at #3.)

Once I'd come up with a list that satisfied my own standards of excellence, I clicked through and I was going to leave a list of "I've seen almost all of these" shows in the comment box above the results. But once I hit the sixth title in the growing second list, I was all like... "Fuck this! I haven't dropped a Blaug entry on the world in a while, so... LET'S DO THIS!"

So here's the glorious, honorable list, with creator commentary, the list of "Almosts", and some other extras thrown in at the end that have little relevance to the rest of this entry! WOO! Just like a shitty, barely-interactive DVD! Except this was free. Enjoy!



1) The Venture Brothers

Seriously. This is the show I'm most proud to have on my list. I've always loved animation, and this is animation for "old kids", a.k.a. Man-Children like myself. This amazingly-written, hilarious super-hero/kid's cartoon spoof is the epitome of awesome entertainment for The Tauz. I love this shit so much that I have 14 T-shirts related to this show. So get hip, you posers.

2) LOST

Just so, so good. This complex show is definitely an incredible investment of time, but I don't regret a moment of it. And though it's not without its flaws, I still have high hopes that the conclusion to the series (coming at the end of the upcoming season) will not disappoint its dedicated fans. This fucking show...

3) Weeds

Look, I don't smoke the shit, but I'll watch the HELL outta this show. Mary-Louise Parker is hot as balls, first off. Then you add her into a smashingly talented cast working with scripts that run the viewers between gut-busting moments to heart-rending revelations, and you have this bomb-diggity show. The first two seasons are undoubtedly my favorite so far, but I'm sticking with this one to what is certain to be a bittersweet end.

4) 30 Rock
Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin, and Tracy Morgan are all top-shelf and the writing has me laughing out loud EVERY episode. The following ten-second clip is a good representative of all of these reasons to watch this fucking brilliant show.



5) Fullmetal Alchemist

I'd rate myself a moderate fan of anime. But I went BONKERS for this show when it was airing on [adult swim] a few years ago. I've seen all 52 episodes, the movie, and read about half of the manga issues. Excellent story, awesome action, real drama, kickass sci-fi/fantasy elements. As in accordance with Equivalent Exchange, this investment pays out whatever you put in. For me, the price was worth it.



Although I've seen every episode of the following shows, too, they didn't quite make The List, for one reason or another:

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Fucked-up, ridiculous, brilliant comedy.

Cowboy Bebop
Another classic anime series that was just quality story and art in motion.

Firefly
I really liked it. But would I consider myself a Browncoat? Not really.

Heroes
We'll see how next season goes...

Earth 2
If anyone else remembers this show, let me know. The Tauz Fam watched this as Quality Time together, folks. Every. Week.

Star Wars: Clone Wars
The micro-series done by Genndy Tartakovsky was totally tits.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars
The ugly CG, clunky, sub-par ongoing series on Cartoon Network. I still watch, though, dammit.

Batman: The Animated Series
I memorized the crash cymbal part to the opening theme. Because I marched cymbals for three years at Susky High, and this was on every day when I got home from Susky High. I have such fond memories of this show. I hope it's not just teenage nostalgia that makes me proclaim this as the Best Batman Series Ever.

Tale Spin
C'mon. Disney Afternoon, dude!

Darkwing Duck
Seriously. He was The Terror that Flapped in the Night, for fuck's sake! Respect!


Close, But No Cigar Awards:

Arrested Development
I still haven't seen all of Season 3, even though I watched the finale episode live.

South Park
I'm pretty sure I've missed some early episodes in seasons 1 - 3ish. I've seen every one since they went into 4th Grade, though...

Futurama
Just when I think I've finally seen 'em all, Comedy Central airs one that I've only seen part of before.

Wonderfalls
Never finished this one out when I temporarily had the DVD set, although I remember being really close to the end when I had to return the disc to... work? Mysterious cloudy memories here...

Prison Break
...and then they ended Season 2 in a way I could not tolerate...

Samurai Champloo
Another beautiful anime series that I'm pretty sure I caught almost every episode of while it was on [as].

Seinfeld
Between watching it when it was still new and working with the show in syndication at my place of employment, I'm pretty sure I've seen nearly all of the "Best Comedy in the History of Television".

Friends
I was a huge fan, back in the day. I petered out near the end, though. Could I be more disappointing?!?

The Office (U.S.)
I came late to the party on this one, so I'm trying to catch up with DVDs of the early episodes I missed. Great stuff, through and through.

Reaper
Check it out. I know it's on The CW, but it's worth suffering the humiliation. I still have about five episodes of Season 2 to get through on Molyneaux's Tivo, which is now in State College, which will make it difficult to finish up.

There are many other series that could probably earn a CBNC Award, but I'm tapped out for now.

Now admit it. That was more fun than reading some lame Facebook update, right? So as a bonus, here are some more Movie Haikus!

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Hormones hit Hogwart's
Young wizards gettin' horny!
Great book; decent flick.

Transformers 2: Revenge of The Fallen

Poor choices abound
Soundwave humps a satellite
Sweet forest battle


District 9

Reveals human flaws
The way sci-fi should be done
Then blows shit away

Believe what you want...

I recently made a huge mistake.

Yesterday morning, I was perusing the right column of highlights of my Facebook Newsfeed when I spied something that made me groan in disgust.

The item in question looked much like this:


...except the thumbnail was much more disgusting than crabs of any variety. The tiny picture was of Kathy Griffin >spits on ground in disrespect<, and the gut-wrenching text beside it held two links. You know the ones. One proudly informed me that 2 of my friends are fans, while the other was an offer to Become a Fan.

I felt obligated to find out which two of my "friends" had such disparate taste in entertainment than most of humanity, let alone me. I was mentally preparing the snarky quips I would fire at them once I discovered their identities, all the while hoping it wouldn't be somebody I only kinda knew from, like, my obscure Susky past, or something. I was really hoping it was someone I could go a few rounds with and trade jabs with about how bad Kathy Griffin >spits on ground in disrespect< is and how much I disagree with anyone being a fan of hers.

So, with my mind racing with really mean things to type out at a couple of the Fans of Kathy Griffin >spits on ground in disrespect<, I accidentally clicked the "Become a Fan" link instead of the "2 Friends" link. We now go to the feed of The Tauz's inner monologue at that exact moment...

Fuck.

Me.

In the goat ass.

Really? You just did that, dude? REALLY? And now all of your smartass friends will leave comments about your newly-proclaimed love for this terrible, terrible woman. Really. See above expletive phrase. [end inner monologue feed]

Now, this is not the first time I've accidentally made this same mouse misfire. The day before this very incident, I intended to see who among my online buds was a fan of "Being on a Boat", and inadvertantly became a fan myself. I didn't want to be in that Facebook club, even though I am a fan of The Lonely Island. But I left myself among their number until I found out how to remove myself. So there's precedent, is all I'm sayin'.

But back to the debacle at hand.

What followed was an interesting amalgamation of reactions: The Helpful, The Mocking, The Wrong, and couple of The You're an Idiot but I Love You Nonetheless.



My responses:

Thank you, Dawno. You're a true friend.

The only nudes I take are classy and artsy, Wit, so I think that plan would backfire and she'd beg me to stay a fan. The threats might do it, but I like traveling on airplanes un-molestedly.

No, Liz. No I don't. What a hurtful thing to say. Frowny-face at you.

Not a chance, Mr. Park, right-side guitarist for Pandas. I's loves yous guys.

Autumn, you lie so hard that you poop lie-colored doodies.

This mis-click made my Top Ten Regrettable Moments of My Life, Tony. You were right to scorn me.

I hope this makes you laugh, Dana: Poop!

Abby? I was honestly not surprised that you were one of the "2 Friends" that got me into this mess. Grr.

Sentiment appreciated, Liz H., but please spell check before commenting next time. (I'm a spelling/grammar jackass.)
-----

So those people took the time to comment, but the harshest of all was the damning blog post over on The Love Show, online bailiwick of my boy, Tony. I know he has my best interests at heart, but, man! Did I disappoint him? Let's just see...

BOOM.

Oucha. But you know what? He's right. Even though I un-fanned that sub-D-Lister the same night that I hit the wrong link, I am forever tarnished. I'll start scrubbing now, but I don't think it'll make a bit of difference.

I mean... you believe me. Right?

Triple Entry!

This is like three posts in one. And if I were better at blogging; if I were dedicated to the blogger lifestyle, I would have posted these as three separate entries over the next few days. But no. This, as you know, dear readers, is not a mere blog.

Nay. This is The Tauz Blaug. And this, mofos, is Blaugging, not blogging. So strap in, cuz this one goes from church to the comic book store to the movies, all with seamless transitions. Also, I've revived an old-school technique for this entry. It's called "I didn't put in any pictures". Just some leafy text for ya. There is, however, a tasty, poetic treat at the end for you, if you make it all the way through. So get ready to CHOKE IT DOWN, folks!

As you, The Tauz Blaug Faithfuls, are accustomed to hearing during this time of year, Retreat preparations are DOMINATING The Tauz's free time. For those of you who don't know, I have been going on an annual 5-day beach trip to Lewes, Delaware with my church's Youth Ministry every year since 1993. So, this year will be my SEVENTEENTH RETREAT. I am pretty sure that I hold the record in this little microcosm for the Most Retreats in a Row, but I might be wrong. Either way, I'm pretty proud of my streak. (Insert obvious poop joke here.)

So, to say that Retreat is a big part of my life is a bit of an understatement.

Naturally, in the month and a half leading up to this trip every year, there is a period of planning. We have a couple of meetings, come up with activities that go along with the theme that the kids picked for that year, and we make sure we have ways to keep 30-some teens busy at the beach. (I'd like to take this opportunity to sternly remind you to knock off any sexy-pervert comments you might be forming at this time, you cynical friends of mine...)

Some years back, I fell in with the crew of JCs who were in charge of putting together a slideshow of fun memories to be shown during Retreat. It has always been quite a project, and the year that Duff and Mark took over the YM from Sally and Pat, (three or four years ago, now) I took the reigns of the Slideshow. In doing so, I have transitioned the YM into the digital age. Instead of using an actual carousel and slides being manually changed to the rehearsed rhythms of a mixtape soundtrack, we now use Final Cut Express to edit a "digital short" sketch which then leads into a long stream of digital pics flowing to a soundtrack of multiple songs, and then is exported as a QuickTime movie and played on a laptop which is hooked up to a projector and shown on a white sheet on the wall in the retreat house. It's pretty sweet.

The stress levels this damn project has pushed me to in the last few years have been epic, but my friends and I always get it done in time and I've never been disappointed by any of the products we've put out there for the kids. The friends who have helped me, especially Dan (a.k.a. "Double-D") and Brett have seen me at some of my worst, most frustrated and flustered moments, but they always helped me pull my shit together. I want to thank them, and everyone else who's ever lent me a hand on past slideshows for their patience and friendship. (Ew! The Tauz gets gooey!)

They also get to hear me fart a lot, in the process. (There. Feel better, now?)

So that's what I've been doing for the last couple of weeks: working on Slideshow '09 with Brett and relative newcomer Vinnie. It's moving along well, and I'm less stressed about it this year than I have been in a long time.


I haven't really taken much time to do other things lately, at least not pop-culturey-type things. Since TV went into hibernation for the summer, I've largely weaned myself away from that idiot box. I have become addicted to Facebook, but that happened immediately after I joined up.

Comics have been very good lately, which makes me even sadder that I'm skipping WizardWorld, Philly this year. Green Lantern and the GLC are gearing up for the massive War of Light, coming very soon, and I'm completely stoked about it. If I *were* going to Philly this year, I'd DEFINITELY be shopping around for a deal that could cheaply net me t-shirts from each of the 8 Lantern Corps.

Also, I followed almost all of the Battle for the Cowl crossovers, which dealt with Bruce Wayne's death/disappearance, and who in his network of crimefighters in Gotham would step up to take his place as Batman. And even though Joe and I agree that Bruce will probably resurface in a year (which is when the new Batman and Robin is slated to end it run), I'm still really enjoying myself by getting to know the Bat-Universe better than ever, even if it is in its new, Bruce-less state.

A couple of weeks ago, when I discovered I had no subscription books to pick up at the Comic Store, I looked into some trades. Luckily Joe was there to re-suggest that I pick up Villains United, which introduced The Secret Six to the DC Universe. Basically, it's a band of loser villains that team up to fuck over the rest of the bad guys who are all teaming up to super-hose the heroes cuz they're pissed that the Justice League crossed a line. And normally that would be just another ho-hum storyline, but in the able hands of Gail Simone, this story is really, really damn good. I read and re-read this trade. That never happens, but it was so good that I took the time to go through it again. I plan to read the rest of the Secret Six trades after I pick up a copy of the Infinite Crisis trade. Also on the "Trades To Buy" list is We3.

With all that comic book stuff being said, here are haikus about the four movies I've seen in the theater so far this summer:

X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Super-sucky flick
Damn unfulfilled potential
You ruined Deadpool

Star Trek
Let's reboot Star Trek?
That dude from LOST can do it...
HOLY SHIT! It's great!

Terminator: Salvation
Didn't kill franchise.
Decent, for an action flick.
T2: still the best.

The Hangover
Funnybone: Tickled.
End photos nearly killed me.
Galifianakis.

Heh... Video-"Log"...

So, you'd think that I'd be hard-pressed to find something that could follow that stunning piece of media above, but my first clip is more than equal to the task. First up is something that fellow IUP-er and Green Lantern fan Mike R. brought to my attention via Facebook. Whoever took the time to piece this together is The Truest of Fans. If only a GL movie could be as good as the fictional movie that is being 'promoted' here... I get chills when they start reciting The Oath.

TOP. SHELF.



Elvis Perkins in Deerland perform "While You Were Sleeping" on Letterman. Thanks to Rick S. (from my Susky days) for suggesting this artist for my consideration. I find this to be an excellent performance and song. Hope you enjoy, as well.



Have you heard that Everyone Poops? Well, I nearly pooped a little when I was (mis)informed that Spike Jonze was making a movie based on the beloved kid's book. The straightforward little tome holds a special place in my heart because I received it from Big Bro Mark and his wife as a present on my twenty-somethingth birthday. The report of the movie, though, turned out to be just a rumor. It was spawned by the video below, which is merely a clever spoof on the trailer for the upcoming "Where the Wild Things Are" flick. Still worth a peep, tho... (I wonder if Jonze will adapt "The Gas We Pass" instead. He can borrow my copy of that, too, if he needs reference material...)



The following clip was shot the morning after my poor flatmate, Molyneaux, woke up sicker than all hell at like, 4 or 5 in the morning. He then proceeded to hork so loudly in the bathroom that it woke me up. And, being the vomiphobic bastard that I am, I both felt bad for him and hated life for the rest of the day. I was worried I'd get as sick as he had gotten, so I opted against showering in the same bathroom where he had been all morning, yookin' his guts poor, poor guts out. When the time came to head to work, I threw on some clean manties, grabbed a hat, and curtly shouted "I hope you feel better!" on my rushed way out the front door. So I was unhappy, paranoid, tired, grumpy, and smelly when Joe picked up a Flip camera and decided to capture this moment for the ages.



I thoroughly enjoy the above clip because, for anyone who knows me, it's hard for me to keep a straight face for longer than a few seconds, but there is no effort behind this particular stare. I'm not holding back any mirth, and that should be an indicator of how bad things were at that moment. It's really funny, looking back on it. At the time, though, I was clearly not a happy camper.

Moving on...
I. Love. Pandas. Here is an old song of theirs that they no longer play, but I truly enjoy it. For the lyrics and a better explanation than I can provide, read the info that Conor provides on the video's YouTube page. Most of the video clips are outtakes from things he and Jordan have made into some very entertaining sketches, and their outright goofiness in the video clips give the gruff lyrics some genuine tenderness. Dig it.



When Aaron, a friend of ours, needed to make a video for a class presentation, a few of my friends invited me to spend the day with them shooting this for him. Conor deftly cobbled the clips together and gave him this to show his class. Despite the video, he passed the assignment, and now, he reports, his entire class is always saying, "Faaaaantastic!".



And now, here's a NSFW contribution to hilarity. Thanks to Jordan for reminding me that the guy who made "Washington" is still funny as shit.


And finally, this is dedicated to Sis-in-Law Terry, the Tauziest of The Tauz Blaug Faithfuls (but don't hold that against her...it's only by marriage). She will definitely appreciate this one. Remember, back in the day, when we played this during Poker Nights at my old place, thanks to Molyneaux's video discs? He rules for finding this Pokemon video cut to the ever-frenetic sounds of the band Mindless Self Indulgence. Best Part: *Motherfucker!* You'll know it when you hear it...