Beard Deconstruction Project: Stage 5

Sorry for slacking on finishing up the Beard Deconstruction Project entries...I'm easily distracted and the feedback from you Tauzaholics was really starting to diminish by day FOUR....so I didn't feel any kind of urgency to post the dramatic conclusion to the saga that unfolded on my face (now more than a week ago).

Here it is...the final stage before a return to facial normality. I give you The Snooty Frenchman!

I decided to get back to my roots with this one, seeing as I am 100% purebred Cajun-American, which means that waaaaay back, my ancestors were French. Which makes me feel like this:


This is the one 'do that made think twice about going somewhere in public where people would recognize me. While wearing those other ridiculous 'dos on my person in the previous days, I never really thought twice about going somewhere and being judged or giggled at because of how I looked. But when I was heading to my health food store to grab some grub for Game Night that evening, I totally re-thought it and drove right by the store and headed home the long way.

It was totally because I didn't want to be remembered by those ladies as the guy with the weird mustache that one time. It's a small store with maybe 6 employees total. I had no doubt that I'd get a look or a curious question and I'd then be forced to impart my story about how I'm just being a dumbass for comedic value and to stave off the everyday ennui; a story I'd rather not have to go into with people I hardly know and only see maybe twice a month.

Honestly, I think it was the destination, not the 'do, that made me change course, come to think of it. Because this 'do was not the worst of the 5...but it was kind of evil.


Someone (I think a co-worker) called me Boris on this day. They were referencing the Soviet-stereotype villain from Rocky and Bullwinkle who always was partnered up with that unsettlingly sexy chick, Natasha. For some reason I can't help but think that she has an extraordinarily hairy bush under that dress... and the cool thing about Boris is that you KNOW he can't wait to lose his face in it...(these are the sad things that I think about, people.)


In addition to The Snooty Frenchman and The Boris, I also like to refer to this one as The Anti-Hitler, because (except for the out-of-place Soul Patch) it is the inverse of Hitler's trademark 'stache. It's just my way of stickin' it to that "mass-murdering fuckhead".

Here's the obligatory chin-shot:


I know the chin-shots stopped being an effective tool in this series around day 3, but I don't care. Any reason I can give myself to type the phrase "chin-shot" is a good one. Heh-heh...chin-shot.

And we'll close The Beard Deconstruction Project with this final image, which happens to be one of my favorites from this whole thing. I love how my eyebrows and the 'stache come together to imply a giant "X" over my face, as if to say, "Don't ever do this to yourself." Thanks for sticking with me through this excercise in cheesiness.