The Tauz is on The Phone

Well, THIS certainly happened:



Immediately after I took this picture of myself, I wondered, "How, exactly, have I arrived at this point in my life?" You know... the point where I'm innocently giving myself a shampoo mohawk in the shower, and I am then compelled to reach out of the shower and grab a device with which to snap a picture of this quirky, never-before revealed whimsical moment. How did I get here?

I can mostly blame it on the aforementioned device.

See, my life changed on October 3, 2009, when I traded in my old garbage phone for a brand new iPhone 3GS. My 'desktop' looks like this:

Having one of these things is like having a fuckin' superpower, man. I'm telling you! I have to make sure I use it for good, and not evil. I now carry with me a tool that enables me to act on my every impulse. It's great...and dangerous.

It's great because I now have less of a reason to be lost at any given moment. If I am blindly driving around Lancaster, trying to remember for the millionth time how to get to Rte. 30 from the Chameleon Club, I can now pull over and bust out my phone, and it will guide me from my current location to my desired endpoint.

It's great because at all times I carry with me a stopwatch, a personal planner, an iPod with external speakers, a video camera, a photo camera, a dictionary, a notepad, a portable game, a coinless coin-toss, a fake light saber, and THE INTERNET. Also, a phone.

It's dangerous because I now have instantaneous access to Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, iTunes, and Google. The ease of connection tends to pull me out of reality a tad too often sometimes. I find that it is causes me to be distracted by cyber-reality while I'm doing real-life things with real-life people. Honestly, though, if I catch myself checking FB in the middle of a person-to-person conversation, I stop myself as much as possible.

And although I do use it primarily as a Facebook/Twitter port, it has been way useful in other quirky and fun ways. One of my favorite (free) apps is Shazam. Despite being morally opposed to its blatant abuse of a piece of DC Comics history, it's really cool... If you hear a song you like, and don't know who it is, you boot Shazam, hold it up to the music, and it will identify it for you. It also brings up links to videos of that song on YouTube and the iTunes store, if you want to purchase it. Shazam is also great for settling disputes that start with "OH! I know this song! Who is this?"

On that same token is the IMDb app. For instance, say you're watching a movie --for argument's sake, let's say it's Smokin' Aces-- at home in your living room with a roommate and you think you saw Chris Pine (dude who played Captain Kirk in the new Trek). And you're all like, "Was that Chris Pine?!?"

...and your roommate is all like, "Nah, I don't think so."

And you're all like, "No! That was totally him!"

And then you can whip out your iPhone and boot the IMDb app and look up Smokin' Aces and find Chris Pine in the cast list and be all like, "That's TOTALLY him, Conor!"

And then you win at movies. GAME OVER.

Also worth mentioning is the Google Voice app. Boot it, hit the button on the screen and speak what you want to search for, and Google voice recognition does the rest. It's pretty fuckin' sweet. I heard about this one from a FB status update from Micah (from my days at Susky), so thanks, dude.

And the last app that I'll mention is the "Is That Gluten-Free" app. You may not find it as helpful as I do, but I find it pretty calming that I have a go-to reference for food selection. And if it doesn't clarify what I'm looking for, I hit that Google voice app, right-quick for a second effort. Good stuff.

I could go on and on about the awesome apps I've found, but you can check them out yourself at the App Store.

The Tauz Phone has me texting more, because the full keyboard makes texting bearable. But I still don't text enough to spring for the unlimited texting feature, which disappoints only a few people who text me a bunch. I still argue that more people should get back to AIM instead of texting, since the app is free, and there's no limit on IMing on your phone, thus making it a total no-brainer. But that solution doesn't seem to work for everyone. And those people for whom it doesn't work suck.

Or they don't have iPhones. Which is NOT the same thing as sucking. Because iPhones are expensive, as are the monthly plans that go along with them. Erg. But if you can afford it, I suggest ponying up for one.

I got mine the week before I went to Homecoming '09 at IUP with Eep, and I went nuts with it. I was takin' pic's and videos and posting them to Facebook right away. It blew me away. And now I'm even better at it.

Joe (a fellow iPhone-haver) and I were driving back from getting comics over lunch last Thursday and we passed this truck with an... interesting family business name on the side. I immediately reached for my pocket and Joe immediately complied by pulling alongside the truck so I could snap the pic. I posted it right away, via TwitPic, which posted it as my FB status, as well. It was great. Here's the pic in question, in case you missed it.

Now, all of this greatness is... well... great. But I'll bet you're still wondering why the fuck I took a picture of my shampoo-hawk, aren't you?

Here's The Tauz's Official Explanation:

I really like using my iPhone as an iPod because of the external speakers it has. I can play music wherever I am, which I find to be a complete win. And I've always liked having music on while I'm showering, but I've had zero to little success with shower radios in the past. So, now that I have this little contraption what plays the music-like sounds, I tote it along with me to Showerland, and set it on the windowsill right outside my shower while it plays my favorite tunes or one of my Pandora (another awesome, free app) stations. And while in the shower one morning, I gave myself a shower-punk temp-'do, and I was all like "I wonder what this looks like!" This is natural, since, being near-sighted, I've never really gotten a great look at any of my Shampoo-Spikes before, since most mirrors are located farther away from the tub than my vision allows me to see. So I was all like,"I can totally snap a picture of this and check it out!" I struggled with the ridiculousness of doing it, but then just went with it and captured that image for eternity.

Now, as I mentioned at the start of all of this, I wondered how I'd reached this point in my life. But then I realized how incredibly ridiculous I was being, both because of the current state of my hair, and because I'd just used some sophisticated technology to do one of the most childish things ever. And instead of making me feel like I was a harbinger of humanity's impending doom, this action conversely made me feel great, actually. Because this is exactly the kind of shit that people do with tech like this. I'm using my phone to be exactly what I am, as a person: an incredible goof. This picture is solid proof of that.

I just wanted to share that with you guys.

Besides... that pic gives a new meaning to the term "steam-punk", eh?