The Tauz Blaug

Ben Folds is Not Merton

2010-04-12T23:55:00.010-04:00

The following is an incredibly delayed response to
this.

The first time I watched the following video...

...I only thought the guy performing was Ben Folds for a total of like, 10 seconds. Then I was immediately all like, "Nah. That ain't him." Didn't sound like him. Didn't really look that much like him. And the setup was way too low-rent to be him.

Now, don't get me wrong... I love what Merton did! I have re-watched that clip multiple times and I'm entertained each time. Good stuff! Merton puts me in a "Thumbs-up Situation"!! I love that he had no idea that <3 = a heart, which led him to sing about the number three a bunch. It shows off his naive charm and innocence, which puts him at odds with the majority of chatroulette's habitual users (A.K.A.-shady guys who want to show you their dicks). So, even though Merton is not Ben Folds, he is pretty great.

And then THIS was brought to my attention:

Now THAT'S the Ben Folds I know, love and easily recognize! Sooo good. I really wish I could have been in the crowd for that performance. Actually...FUCK that! I wish I were Bobby!! (Although it's more likely that if somehow I were one of the people featured in this video, I'd more than likely end up being "BAM".) I love the nervous/disappointed groan that goes throughout the crowd when "BAM" starts to tilt his webcam downward, dangerously close to revealing the true nature of his pants situation. It hilariously demonstrates just how tired of/used to seeing dicks the crowd is at that point in the night.

Ben Folds is a creative genius.

And upon further investigation, I found the following clip that super-confirms what I already knew from before...

I think it's awesome that Mr. Folds thought that a friend was texting him about some random woman named "Shah-roo-lay"! And, for the record, I also enjoy the band Travis.

So, thanks for the interest in a topic outside of your expertise, dawwg. I did my homework and brought you an answer, via the Interwebs (even if that answer was, like, two weeks late). AND you duped me into draupping a Blaug post on the world for the first time since January... so I hope you're satisfied!

=^]

Misinterpretations

2010-01-21T22:45:00.006-05:00

As I was browsing Facebook on the ol' iMac the other night, this ad appeared, just for me!

Oh, FB... you think you know me, but you are just a heartless machine-bot. First of all, I think Valentine's Day is complete bullshit. Second, (and more importantly) those doofy, monochromatic mammals aren't the kind of Pandas that The Tauz <3s....

It's THESE Pandas that get me goin'. Their music inspires me to do funny dances in public and make faces like this:

Also, I'd like to reassure everyone that I am not having a seizure in this picture. Nor am I "Powering Up" or "About to Go Super-Saiyan" (though the latter has been a dream of mine for some time). No, this photo is just a snapshot of a mere mortal in the middle of having a great time, jumping around to the wacky, upbeat awesomeness that is Pandas. Thank you for your concern, though.

You should totally come bop with me at a live show some time! I'll definitely try not to kick you while I physically express how happy this music makes me feel...

Boy! I sure tuckety-tuckered myself out that night at The Chameleon Club! Thanks, Pandas!

The Tauz is on The Phone

2010-01-17T01:11:00.003-05:00

Well, THIS certainly happened:

Immediately after I took this picture of myself, I wondered, "How, exactly, have I arrived at this point in my life?" You know... the point where I'm innocently giving myself a shampoo mohawk in the shower, and I am then compelled to reach out of the shower and grab a device with which to snap a picture of this quirky, never-before revealed whimsical moment. How did I get here?

I can mostly blame it on the aforementioned device.

See, my life changed on October 3, 2009, when I traded in my old garbage phone for a brand new iPhone 3GS. My 'desktop' looks like this:

Having one of these things is like having a fuckin' superpower, man. I'm telling you! I have to make sure I use it for good, and not evil. I now carry with me a tool that enables me to act on my every impulse. It's great...and dangerous.

It's great because I now have less of a reason to be lost at any given moment. If I am blindly driving around Lancaster, trying to remember for the millionth time how to get to Rte. 30 from the Chameleon Club, I can now pull over and bust out my phone, and it will guide me from my current location to my desired endpoint.

It's great because at all times I carry with me a stopwatch, a personal planner, an iPod with external speakers, a video camera, a photo camera, a dictionary, a notepad, a portable game, a coinless coin-toss, a fake light saber, and THE INTERNET. Also, a phone.

It's dangerous because I now have instantaneous access to Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, iTunes, and Google. The ease of connection tends to pull me out of reality a tad too often sometimes. I find that it is causes me to be distracted by cyber-reality while I'm doing real-life things with real-life people. Honestly, though, if I catch myself checking FB in the middle of a person-to-person conversation, I stop myself as much as possible.

And although I do use it primarily as a Facebook/Twitter port, it has been way useful in other quirky and fun ways. One of my favorite (free) apps is Shazam. Despite being morally opposed to its blatant abuse of a piece of DC Comics history, it's really cool... If you hear a song you like, and don't know who it is, you boot Shazam, hold it up to the music, and it will identify it for you. It also brings up links to videos of that song on YouTube and the iTunes store, if you want to purchase it. Shazam is also great for settling disputes that start with "OH! I know this song! Who is this?"

On that same token is the IMDb app. For instance, say you're watching a movie --for argument's sake, let's say it's Smokin' Aces-- at home in your living room with a roommate and you think you saw Chris Pine (dude who played Captain Kirk in the new Trek). And you're all like, "Was that Chris Pine?!?"

...and your roommate is all like, "Nah, I don't think so."

And you're all like, "No! That was totally him!"

And then you can whip out your iPhone and boot the IMDb app and look up Smokin' Aces and find Chris Pine in the cast list and be all like, "That's TOTALLY him, Conor!"

And then you win at movies. GAME OVER.

Also worth mentioning is the Google Voice app. Boot it, hit the button on the screen and speak what you want to search for, and Google voice recognition does the rest. It's pretty fuckin' sweet. I heard about this one from a FB status update from Micah (from my days at Susky), so thanks, dude.

And the last app that I'll mention is the "Is That Gluten-Free" app. You may not find it as helpful as I do, but I find it pretty calming that I have a go-to reference for food selection. And if it doesn't clarify what I'm looking for, I hit that Google voice app, right-quick for a second effort. Good stuff.

I could go on and on about the awesome apps I've found, but you can check them out yourself at the App Store.

The Tauz Phone has me texting more, because the full keyboard makes texting bearable. But I still don't text enough to spring for the unlimited texting feature, which disappoints only a few people who text me a bunch. I still argue that more people should get back to AIM instead of texting, since the app is free, and there's no limit on IMing on your phone, thus making it a total no-brainer. But that solution doesn't seem to work for everyone. And those people for whom it doesn't work suck.

Or they don't have iPhones. Which is NOT the same thing as sucking. Because iPhones are expensive, as are the monthly plans that go along with them. Erg. But if you can afford it, I suggest ponying up for one.

I got mine the week before I went to Homecoming '09 at IUP with Eep, and I went nuts with it. I was takin' pic's and videos and posting them to Facebook right away. It blew me away. And now I'm even better at it.

Joe (a fellow iPhone-haver) and I were driving back from getting comics over lunch last Thursday and we passed this truck with an... interesting family business name on the side. I immediately reached for my pocket and Joe immediately complied by pulling alongside the truck so I could snap the pic. I posted it right away, via TwitPic, which posted it as my FB status, as well. It was great. Here's the pic in question, in case you missed it.

Now, all of this greatness is... well... great. But I'll bet you're still wondering why the fuck I took a picture of my shampoo-hawk, aren't you?

Here's The Tauz's Official Explanation:

I really like using my iPhone as an iPod because of the external speakers it has. I can play music wherever I am, which I find to be a complete win. And I've always liked having music on while I'm showering, but I've had zero to little success with shower radios in the past. So, now that I have this little contraption what plays the music-like sounds, I tote it along with me to Showerland, and set it on the windowsill right outside my shower while it plays my favorite tunes or one of my Pandora (another awesome, free app) stations. And while in the shower one morning, I gave myself a shower-punk temp-'do, and I was all like "I wonder what this looks like!" This is natural, since, being near-sighted, I've never really gotten a great look at any of my Shampoo-Spikes before, since most mirrors are located farther away from the tub than my vision allows me to see. So I was all like,"I can totally snap a picture of this and check it out!" I struggled with the ridiculousness of doing it, but then just went with it and captured that image for eternity.

Now, as I mentioned at the start of all of this, I wondered how I'd reached this point in my life. But then I realized how incredibly ridiculous I was being, both because of the current state of my hair, and because I'd just used some sophisticated technology to do one of the most childish things ever. And instead of making me feel like I was a harbinger of humanity's impending doom, this action conversely made me feel great, actually. Because this is exactly the kind of shit that people do with tech like this. I'm using my phone to be exactly what I am, as a person: an incredible goof. This picture is solid proof of that.

I just wanted to share that with you guys.

Besides... that pic gives a new meaning to the term "steam-punk", eh?

Pandas Explodo Lab--GO!!

2009-11-23T02:11:00.000-05:00

Let's catch you up on what's been happening with your Too-Cool-to-Blaug Protagonist!

The end of August was... interesting. Molyneaux and I parted ways with our apartment, but neither of us had any idea where we were going next. He is currently sort of in State College and sort of in Shrewsbury (long story).

I, on the other hand, am back in York.

And the astute ones in the crowd quickly ask,"But, dude? What do you mean by back in York? Weren't you living in York the last time you updated your dilapidated little online journal-thingy, here?"

Um, yeah. About that? Heh...

I had to move back in with my parents for a month.

Now, some people might think this would be torture. But I get along with The Tauz 'Rents pretty well, so I wasn't expecting it to be a bad experience or anything. It just put a tiny ding in my pride. But, all in all, my return to Cellar Dwelling was quite temporary, partially comforting, and totally free. Even the nasty sinus infection I had for almost the entire time I was living there didn't make the overall experience a bad one.

After a month had passed, my next (and current) place was ready to be moved into. So now I'm shackin' up with Jordan and Conor, my buddies from So-Yo-Co who are 2/5 of Pandas! And even though I occupy the smallest room in the house, the unusual setup here at The Pandas Explodo-Lab has been working pretty well, so far. The amount of hugs I get every day from these guys is unsettling! (I find getting no hugs daily to be unsettling.)

I say unusual setup because, my room is quite tiny. Here are some pictures I took, to show you just how small it actually is, so you know I'm not just exaggerating like I do constantly, all the time.

The view from outside my door

The view from in my doorway

The floorspace between my bed and The Non-Bed Wall

The view from The Closet Corner

The floorspace at the foot of my bed

Don't get me wrong--it's completely livable, and, actually, rather cozy. But it is almost literally a BED ROOM.

As you can see from the photos, I was able to squeeze a couple of shelf units and an area rug in there, but the bed is pretty much the main feature. But there are definite upsides to my minuscule quarters. For instance, I have no room to leave clothes lying around, so I am forced to be at least a little more tidy than usual. I have a bathroom pretty much to myself, just a few feet outside of my room. And I can't foget the brand new ceiling fan. That thing is pretty tits. They installed it just for me, and it is now the new home of my Monkey Bells!

Respect the Monkey Bells

But since my room is so tiny, my desk and computer are in the Very Long Living Room.

The Tauz Auffice

How wacky, right?!? About a fifth of the Very Long Living Room is dedicated to being my "office". (And for the record, only two of those longboxes of comics are mine.)

The rest of the Very Long Living Room

(First of all, Respect The Pawpaw Wade Anvil.) And I'll bet you're thinking that the lack of privacy would kill you. But for me, it's actually pretty cool. I can hang out with people while I'm cruisin' the 'net or type out a Blaug entry while watching Jordan play a video game that I'll never enjoy playing myself. So that's workin' out pretty well for me.

After having lived here for a couple of months, we decided to have a house-warming party this past weekend. A whole mess of kickass people showed up and warmed our place right the hell up.

I only took a few pics, so here they are!

In preparation for company, I made time to decorate my cubby hole walls and shelves with my girl-repellent brick-a-bracks!

Also, there were people visiting! Below are Greggy T., Calvin, Aaron and Jordan, bein' all up in the Living Room. We were happy to see Greg, as he now lives in Jersey, and we miss him. Calvin and Aaron live much closer than Jersey and I suppose we were happy to see them, too.

My dear friend Molyneaux and his Lovely Lady Catie also were in attendance. Here's how Molyneaux chose to salute his hosts for the evening. (To be fair, that's how he always salutes us. Also, we usually kinda deserve it.)

This group of hooligans was playing cards in the Dining Room for a bit. They are (L-R) Engler, Brossman, Big Cal and Autumn. We played a calm and fun round of Mau. I'm pretty sure it was the first round of Mau that has ever been described thusly.

This guy and his mustache were there. I hear he plays in some band. (The guy... not his mustache.) Oh, Mr. Parkinthepark. You do gesture so oddly, sometimes. But you are fun!

Now those people from the dining room are in the kitchen. BritBross was gettin' all hand-talky and shit. The Calebs seem entertained.

Mere inches away, I am cornered in my own kitchen. I was okay, though, since I was sporting my R.I.P. Henchman #24 t-shirt. Engler's shirt, was also in the kitchen.

At one point, Bruno was playing on our home theater system in the aforementioned Very Long Living Room. There were a ton of people watching said movie with great intent and loud laughter. And then there were these guys. Conor, Big Bro Mark, and Witmer were all hangin' out in there, too! Note the unsure face on BBM's face as he caught bits and pieces of Bruno from the far end of the Very Long Living Room.

Maybe it's not his kind of humor, but I was really happy to have Mark-o stop by and chill with his kid bro for a while. It was also very awesome of The Wit to come and hang for the evening. I'm glad he got to geek out with my musically-inclined flatmates, finally!

We were really glad that there were a whole bunch more people who came out to spread the cheer that night, even if some of them didn't make it into the pictures. I hope a good time was had by all. I know I had a blast. And I continue to have a blast living here. We are a weird little trio, but the circumstances are good, the house kicks ass, and we all have gas. A lot. So we have stuff in common. Which is nice.

Now... about those hugs...

Memory Wipe

2009-11-09T23:07:00.007-05:00

I just found out that I lost over five years worth of old/sentimentally meaningful emails from my hotmail account.

I am The Tauz's held-back tears.
"src="http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b23/jatauzin/sad_face-600x450.jpg">

I am The Tauz's shock and awwwwwwww.

Is that a normal reaction for someone to have? Sadness over the loss of electronic data?

I mean, yeah. In reality they were just a shit-load of ones and zeroes, but in virtual reality, they were some precious moments shared between friends. And, being a total pack-rat, I like to keep everything that I can, so this was a huge loss for me. I had e-mails that dated back to the summer after I graduated from college, for shit's sake!

Now what am I going to do when I want to read old, long-ass surveys that my friends filled out in college? Or the one or two big, long emails from old girlfriends? Or remember how my friends responded to my overly-proud email about getting hired on at my first big-boy job?

Since this has OBVIOUSLY had quite an effect on me, you're probably wondering what the hell happened. Frankly, so am I. But I at least can put it into perspective for you.

Not too long ago I started using the Mail program on my iMac. It collects all of your incoming emails from any number of accounts and displays them in one window. It saves me the time of logging into two different e-ddresses every time I want to check up on my correspondencing.

There are drawbacks, though. One is that it doesn't let me see my junk mail. I normally scan through the senders in my junk mail folder before I flush it all. But on occasion, I've been lucky enough to spot the random fun messages from unexpected people as well as important stuff like tax return info by doing this.

Also, as I found out tonight, (apparently) the backlog of emails I've kept for the past seven years will not be maintained if I don't physically log in once a month or so. By not logging in, I am giving Microsoft permission to make my memories go away...

There's nothin' funny about that!

The List

2009-08-19T23:46:00.007-04:00

Some friends have recently posted their lists of "Shows I've Seen Every Episode of" to their Facebook pages. Every time one of those popped up in my news feed, I was tempted, but I really wanted to give it a bit more thought before I posted mine.

I actually spent extended periods of time thinking about this extraordinarily important topic. For example: I specifically remember doing a large chunk of memory-stretching while in the shower one day, even.

So, when it showed up again in my FB news feed this evening, I clicked the link and went to work trying to remember the 5 shows I'd come up with. I didn't want to post it and then remember a show that I'd be ashamed to have not mentioned in this, The Most Important List of My Life. I even went so far as to sign in to my MySpace account (I had to click the "Forgot My Password" link first, though) to check my own profile to make sure I hit all the important shows.

And I'm glad I went to the trouble of retrieving my password to my defunct account, because I almost missed one that would have made me cry, had I excluded it. (It ended up at #3.)

Once I'd come up with a list that satisfied my own standards of excellence, I clicked through and I was going to leave a list of "I've seen almost all of these" shows in the comment box above the results. But once I hit the sixth title in the growing second list, I was all like... "Fuck this! I haven't dropped a Blaug entry on the world in a while, so... LET'S DO THIS!"

So here's the glorious, honorable list, with creator commentary, the list of "Almosts", and some other extras thrown in at the end that have little relevance to the rest of this entry! WOO! Just like a shitty, barely-interactive DVD! Except this was free. Enjoy!

1) The Venture Brothers

Seriously. This is the show I'm most proud to have on my list. I've always loved animation, and this is animation for "old kids", a.k.a. Man-Children like myself. This amazingly-written, hilarious super-hero/kid's cartoon spoof is the epitome of awesome entertainment for The Tauz. I love this shit so much that I have 14 T-shirts related to this show. So get hip, you posers.

2) LOST

Just so, so good. This complex show is definitely an incredible investment of time, but I don't regret a moment of it. And though it's not without its flaws, I still have high hopes that the conclusion to the series (coming at the end of the upcoming season) will not disappoint its dedicated fans. This fucking show...

3) Weeds

Look, I don't smoke the shit, but I'll watch the HELL outta this show. Mary-Louise Parker is hot as balls, first off. Then you add her into a smashingly talented cast working with scripts that run the viewers between gut-busting moments to heart-rending revelations, and you have this bomb-diggity show. The first two seasons are undoubtedly my favorite so far, but I'm sticking with this one to what is certain to be a bittersweet end.

4) 30 Rock
Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin, and Tracy Morgan are all top-shelf and the writing has me laughing out loud EVERY episode. The following ten-second clip is a good representative of all of these reasons to watch this fucking brilliant show.

5) Fullmetal Alchemist

I'd rate myself a moderate fan of anime. But I went BONKERS for this show when it was airing on [adult swim] a few years ago. I've seen all 52 episodes, the movie, and read about half of the manga issues. Excellent story, awesome action, real drama, kickass sci-fi/fantasy elements. As in accordance with Equivalent Exchange, this investment pays out whatever you put in. For me, the price was worth it.

Although I've seen every episode of the following shows, too, they didn't quite make The List, for one reason or another:

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Fucked-up, ridiculous, brilliant comedy.

Cowboy Bebop
Another classic anime series that was just quality story and art in motion.

Firefly
I really liked it. But would I consider myself a Browncoat? Not really.

Heroes
We'll see how next season goes...

Earth 2
If anyone else remembers this show, let me know. The Tauz Fam watched this as Quality Time together, folks. Every. Week.

Star Wars: Clone Wars
The micro-series done by Genndy Tartakovsky was totally tits.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars
The ugly CG, clunky, sub-par ongoing series on Cartoon Network. I still watch, though, dammit.

Batman: The Animated Series
I memorized the crash cymbal part to the opening theme. Because I marched cymbals for three years at Susky High, and this was on every day when I got home from Susky High. I have such fond memories of this show. I hope it's not just teenage nostalgia that makes me proclaim this as the Best Batman Series Ever.

Tale Spin
C'mon. Disney Afternoon, dude!

Darkwing Duck
Seriously. He was The Terror that Flapped in the Night, for fuck's sake! Respect!

Close, But No Cigar Awards:

Arrested Development
I still haven't seen all of Season 3, even though I watched the finale episode live.

South Park
I'm pretty sure I've missed some early episodes in seasons 1 - 3ish. I've seen every one since they went into 4th Grade, though...

Futurama
Just when I think I've finally seen 'em all, Comedy Central airs one that I've only seen part of before.

Wonderfalls
Never finished this one out when I temporarily had the DVD set, although I remember being really close to the end when I had to return the disc to... work? Mysterious cloudy memories here...

Prison Break
...and then they ended Season 2 in a way I could not tolerate...

Samurai Champloo
Another beautiful anime series that I'm pretty sure I caught almost every episode of while it was on [as].

Seinfeld
Between watching it when it was still new and working with the show in syndication at my place of employment, I'm pretty sure I've seen nearly all of the "Best Comedy in the History of Television".

Friends
I was a huge fan, back in the day. I petered out near the end, though. Could I be more disappointing?!?

The Office (U.S.)
I came late to the party on this one, so I'm trying to catch up with DVDs of the early episodes I missed. Great stuff, through and through.

Reaper
Check it out. I know it's on The CW, but it's worth suffering the humiliation. I still have about five episodes of Season 2 to get through on Molyneaux's Tivo, which is now in State College, which will make it difficult to finish up.

There are many other series that could probably earn a CBNC Award, but I'm tapped out for now.

Now admit it. That was more fun than reading some lame Facebook update, right? So as a bonus, here are some more Movie Haikus!

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Hormones hit Hogwart's
Young wizards gettin' horny!
Great book; decent flick.

Transformers 2: Revenge of The Fallen

Poor choices abound
Soundwave humps a satellite
Sweet forest battle

District 9

Reveals human flaws
The way sci-fi should be done
Then blows shit away

Believe what you want...

2009-07-09T00:20:00.009-04:00

I recently made a huge mistake.

Yesterday morning, I was perusing the right column of highlights of my Facebook Newsfeed when I spied something that made me groan in disgust.

The item in question looked much like this:

...except the thumbnail was much more disgusting than crabs of any variety. The tiny picture was of Kathy Griffin >spits on ground in disrespect<, and the gut-wrenching text beside it held two links. You know the ones. One proudly informed me that 2 of my friends are fans, while the other was an offer to Become a Fan.

I felt obligated to find out which two of my "friends" had such disparate taste in entertainment than most of humanity, let alone me. I was mentally preparing the snarky quips I would fire at them once I discovered their identities, all the while hoping it wouldn't be somebody I only kinda knew from, like, my obscure Susky past, or something. I was really hoping it was someone I could go a few rounds with and trade jabs with about how bad Kathy Griffin >spits on ground in disrespect< is and how much I disagree with anyone being a fan of hers.

So, with my mind racing with really mean things to type out at a couple of the Fans of Kathy Griffin >spits on ground in disrespect<, I accidentally clicked the "Become a Fan" link instead of the "2 Friends" link. We now go to the feed of The Tauz's inner monologue at that exact moment...

Fuck.

Me.

In the goat ass.

Really? You just did that, dude? REALLY? And now all of your smartass friends will leave comments about your newly-proclaimed love for this terrible, terrible woman. Really. See above expletive phrase. [end inner monologue feed]

Now, this is not the first time I've accidentally made this same mouse misfire. The day before this very incident, I intended to see who among my online buds was a fan of "Being on a Boat", and inadvertantly became a fan myself. I didn't want to be in that Facebook club, even though I am a fan of The Lonely Island. But I left myself among their number until I found out how to remove myself. So there's precedent, is all I'm sayin'.

But back to the debacle at hand.

What followed was an interesting amalgamation of reactions: The Helpful, The Mocking, The Wrong, and couple of The You're an Idiot but I Love You Nonetheless.

My responses:

Thank you, Dawno. You're a true friend.

The only nudes I take are classy and artsy, Wit, so I think that plan would backfire and she'd beg me to stay a fan. The threats might do it, but I like traveling on airplanes un-molestedly.

No, Liz. No I don't. What a hurtful thing to say. Frowny-face at you.

Not a chance, Mr. Park, right-side guitarist for Pandas. I's loves yous guys.

Autumn, you lie so hard that you poop lie-colored doodies.

This mis-click made my Top Ten Regrettable Moments of My Life, Tony. You were right to scorn me.

I hope this makes you laugh, Dana: Poop!

Abby? I was honestly not surprised that you were one of the "2 Friends" that got me into this mess. Grr.

Sentiment appreciated, Liz H., but please spell check before commenting next time. (I'm a spelling/grammar jackass.)
-----

So those people took the time to comment, but the harshest of all was the damning blog post over on The Love Show, online bailiwick of my boy, Tony. I know he has my best interests at heart, but, man! Did I disappoint him? Let's just see...

BOOM.

Oucha. But you know what? He's right. Even though I un-fanned that sub-D-Lister the same night that I hit the wrong link, I am forever tarnished. I'll start scrubbing now, but I don't think it'll make a bit of difference.

I mean... you believe me. Right?

Triple Entry!

2009-06-17T00:26:00.010-04:00

This is like three posts in one. And if I were better at blogging; if I were dedicated to the blogger lifestyle, I would have posted these as three separate entries over the next few days. But no. This, as you know, dear readers, is not a mere blog.

Nay. This is The Tauz Blaug. And this, mofos, is Blaugging, not blogging. So strap in, cuz this one goes from church to the comic book store to the movies, all with seamless transitions. Also, I've revived an old-school technique for this entry. It's called "I didn't put in any pictures". Just some leafy text for ya. There is, however, a tasty, poetic treat at the end for you, if you make it all the way through. So get ready to CHOKE IT DOWN, folks!

As you, The Tauz Blaug Faithfuls, are accustomed to hearing during this time of year, Retreat preparations are DOMINATING The Tauz's free time. For those of you who don't know, I have been going on an annual 5-day beach trip to Lewes, Delaware with my church's Youth Ministry every year since 1993. So, this year will be my SEVENTEENTH RETREAT. I am pretty sure that I hold the record in this little microcosm for the Most Retreats in a Row, but I might be wrong. Either way, I'm pretty proud of my streak. (Insert obvious poop joke here.)

So, to say that Retreat is a big part of my life is a bit of an understatement.

Naturally, in the month and a half leading up to this trip every year, there is a period of planning. We have a couple of meetings, come up with activities that go along with the theme that the kids picked for that year, and we make sure we have ways to keep 30-some teens busy at the beach. (I'd like to take this opportunity to sternly remind you to knock off any sexy-pervert comments you might be forming at this time, you cynical friends of mine...)

Some years back, I fell in with the crew of JCs who were in charge of putting together a slideshow of fun memories to be shown during Retreat. It has always been quite a project, and the year that Duff and Mark took over the YM from Sally and Pat, (three or four years ago, now) I took the reigns of the Slideshow. In doing so, I have transitioned the YM into the digital age. Instead of using an actual carousel and slides being manually changed to the rehearsed rhythms of a mixtape soundtrack, we now use Final Cut Express to edit a "digital short" sketch which then leads into a long stream of digital pics flowing to a soundtrack of multiple songs, and then is exported as a QuickTime movie and played on a laptop which is hooked up to a projector and shown on a white sheet on the wall in the retreat house. It's pretty sweet.

The stress levels this damn project has pushed me to in the last few years have been epic, but my friends and I always get it done in time and I've never been disappointed by any of the products we've put out there for the kids. The friends who have helped me, especially Dan (a.k.a. "Double-D") and Brett have seen me at some of my worst, most frustrated and flustered moments, but they always helped me pull my shit together. I want to thank them, and everyone else who's ever lent me a hand on past slideshows for their patience and friendship. (Ew! The Tauz gets gooey!)

They also get to hear me fart a lot, in the process. (There. Feel better, now?)

So that's what I've been doing for the last couple of weeks: working on Slideshow '09 with Brett and relative newcomer Vinnie. It's moving along well, and I'm less stressed about it this year than I have been in a long time.

I haven't really taken much time to do other things lately, at least not pop-culturey-type things. Since TV went into hibernation for the summer, I've largely weaned myself away from that idiot box. I have become addicted to Facebook, but that happened immediately after I joined up.

Comics have been very good lately, which makes me even sadder that I'm skipping WizardWorld, Philly this year. Green Lantern and the GLC are gearing up for the massive War of Light, coming very soon, and I'm completely stoked about it. If I *were* going to Philly this year, I'd DEFINITELY be shopping around for a deal that could cheaply net me t-shirts from each of the 8 Lantern Corps.

Also, I followed almost all of the Battle for the Cowl crossovers, which dealt with Bruce Wayne's death/disappearance, and who in his network of crimefighters in Gotham would step up to take his place as Batman. And even though Joe and I agree that Bruce will probably resurface in a year (which is when the new Batman and Robin is slated to end it run), I'm still really enjoying myself by getting to know the Bat-Universe better than ever, even if it is in its new, Bruce-less state.

A couple of weeks ago, when I discovered I had no subscription books to pick up at the Comic Store, I looked into some trades. Luckily Joe was there to re-suggest that I pick up Villains United, which introduced The Secret Six to the DC Universe. Basically, it's a band of loser villains that team up to fuck over the rest of the bad guys who are all teaming up to super-hose the heroes cuz they're pissed that the Justice League crossed a line. And normally that would be just another ho-hum storyline, but in the able hands of Gail Simone, this story is really, really damn good. I read and re-read this trade. That never happens, but it was so good that I took the time to go through it again. I plan to read the rest of the Secret Six trades after I pick up a copy of the Infinite Crisis trade. Also on the "Trades To Buy" list is We3.

With all that comic book stuff being said, here are haikus about the four movies I've seen in the theater so far this summer:

X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Super-sucky flick
Damn unfulfilled potential
You ruined Deadpool

Star Trek
Let's reboot Star Trek?
That dude from LOST can do it...
HOLY SHIT! It's great!

Terminator: Salvation
Didn't kill franchise.
Decent, for an action flick.
T2: still the best.

The Hangover
Funnybone: Tickled.
End photos nearly killed me.
Galifianakis.

Heh... Video-"Log"...

2009-06-05T02:33:00.004-04:00

So, you'd think that I'd be hard-pressed to find something that could follow that stunning piece of media above, but my first clip is more than equal to the task. First up is something that fellow IUP-er and Green Lantern fan Mike R. brought to my attention via Facebook. Whoever took the time to piece this together is The Truest of Fans. If only a GL movie could be as good as the fictional movie that is being 'promoted' here... I get chills when they start reciting The Oath.

TOP. SHELF.

Elvis Perkins in Deerland perform "While You Were Sleeping" on Letterman. Thanks to Rick S. (from my Susky days) for suggesting this artist for my consideration. I find this to be an excellent performance and song. Hope you enjoy, as well.

Have you heard that Everyone Poops? Well, I nearly pooped a little when I was (mis)informed that Spike Jonze was making a movie based on the beloved kid's book. The straightforward little tome holds a special place in my heart because I received it from Big Bro Mark and his wife as a present on my twenty-somethingth birthday. The report of the movie, though, turned out to be just a rumor. It was spawned by the video below, which is merely a clever spoof on the trailer for the upcoming "Where the Wild Things Are" flick. Still worth a peep, tho... (I wonder if Jonze will adapt "The Gas We Pass" instead. He can borrow my copy of that, too, if he needs reference material...)

The following clip was shot the morning after my poor flatmate, Molyneaux, woke up sicker than all hell at like, 4 or 5 in the morning. He then proceeded to hork so loudly in the bathroom that it woke me up. And, being the vomiphobic bastard that I am, I both felt bad for him and hated life for the rest of the day. I was worried I'd get as sick as he had gotten, so I opted against showering in the same bathroom where he had been all morning, yookin' his guts poor, poor guts out. When the time came to head to work, I threw on some clean manties, grabbed a hat, and curtly shouted "I hope you feel better!" on my rushed way out the front door. So I was unhappy, paranoid, tired, grumpy, and smelly when Joe picked up a Flip camera and decided to capture this moment for the ages.

I thoroughly enjoy the above clip because, for anyone who knows me, it's hard for me to keep a straight face for longer than a few seconds, but there is no effort behind this particular stare. I'm not holding back any mirth, and that should be an indicator of how bad things were at that moment. It's really funny, looking back on it. At the time, though, I was clearly not a happy camper.

Moving on...
I. Love. Pandas. Here is an old song of theirs that they no longer play, but I truly enjoy it. For the lyrics and a better explanation than I can provide, read the info that Conor provides on the video's YouTube page. Most of the video clips are outtakes from things he and Jordan have made into some very entertaining sketches, and their outright goofiness in the video clips give the gruff lyrics some genuine tenderness. Dig it.

When Aaron, a friend of ours, needed to make a video for a class presentation, a few of my friends invited me to spend the day with them shooting this for him. Conor deftly cobbled the clips together and gave him this to show his class. Despite the video, he passed the assignment, and now, he reports, his entire class is always saying, "Faaaaantastic!".

And now, here's a NSFW contribution to hilarity. Thanks to Jordan for reminding me that the guy who made "Washington" is still funny as shit.

And finally, this is dedicated to Sis-in-Law Terry, the Tauziest of The Tauz Blaug Faithfuls (but don't hold that against her...it's only by marriage). She will definitely appreciate this one. Remember, back in the day, when we played this during Poker Nights at my old place, thanks to Molyneaux's video discs? He rules for finding this Pokemon video cut to the ever-frenetic sounds of the band Mindless Self Indulgence. Best Part: *Motherfucker!* You'll know it when you hear it...

iGameNight

2009-03-16T22:36:00.010-04:00

I started this entry on March 16th, two days after my last post on The Tauz Blaug. It was also two days after the most recent Game Night, which puts it right in line with a rash of Blaug entries that I'd been CRANKING out in a frenzy of Blaugging activity. I then stopped writing this entry because it was time to sprinkle in some pictures, and I stalled out.

Hard.

I always seem to lose my rhythm at this point in the Blaug-writing process. It's all that copy/pasting code bullshit that kills me. Guh. So, here it is, two months late... Better late than never? I dunno if that's always true, but what the hell. Enjoy anyways!

You may have noticed an uncharacteristically large amount of posts being published here on The Tauz Blaug lately. For a while, my goal was to get you folks five posts a week. To that end, I was successful for a week or so. But at what cost?

See, I've always been a bit of a procrastinator, as well as a proud night-owl. But when I tap out a Blaug entry, I tend to do it in the late evening. And my never-satisfied revisionist self hardly lets me get to bed before 2am on an evening when I am finishing a post. So, if you follow the logical conclusion that I'm leading you to, I didn't get much sleep for several nights in a row, so that I could post several nights in a row.

Such a consistent lack of sleep, coupled with trying times at work and my sad diet all added up to me feeling like utter shit for a few days. Then it really hit me Thursday night of last week. I wanted to finish my Watchmen review, but I just couldn't stay up another night like that. Plus, I wanted to try to get some sleep so I could start feeling better for the upcoming Game Night with The Workies.

But when I awoke on Friday morning, my tonsils and throat had become ablaze with the fires of illness. Disregarding common sense, I plodded in to work and proceeded to drag ass all the live-long day, feeling feverish and totally gross. At the end of the day, I hit the hay after tossing back some Nyquil pills to help me with what I thought were sinus symptoms.

When I woke up multiple times during the night, sweating, I thought I should maybe head to the doctor's office in the morning, to get some help. So, I went, got looked over, and the doc concluded that I was his third case of Strep Throat that he'd diagnosed today. It was only 10:30am. Not a good sign for York County nor The Tauz...

So, with little Bryan and Clarkie scheduled to be roaming the rooms with us at Fourhman Estates, let alone the dozen other grown-ups who'd be there gaming, it was with a heavy heart that I decided not to attend the Game Night that I'd scheduled for everyone.

I was very, very, very upset.

I really look forward to these gatherings. And I was totally stoked about this one in particular, because this was the first one since Tony, Melissa and Bryan had moved to Philly. So I was missing out on good times and good people.

But, remembering that Joe (of the Internet's fourhman.com) was a major voice in my decision to purchase my iMac, I thought maybe I could iChat in on the fun of Game Night. After a couple of disheartening failed attempts to connect, SUCCESS!! They set the iChat up on their laptop and perched me upon the counter between the kitchen and the living room, which is where all the action on Game Nights goes down. Here's how my Game Night unfolded, thanks to screen-grabs from my iMac.

First screengrab successful! Ahoy, Sadowskis! When I "arrived", they were stuffin' Bry's face fulla good stuff, parent-style.

After feeding, the terrifying Ginger-Headed Monkey-Monster adorably attacks the laptop! Seems like the cute creature wanted a bite of the Cinnamon Twist that was on the screen, and, sensing that his potential prey was in a weakened state, decided to seize the opportunity to capitalize.

After that close call, Tony sat down to have a chat. Behind him (from foreground to background) are Mike (Anna's boyfriend), Anna, Abby, and Joe. Not pictured are Melissa, Bryan, Clark, Joe's friend Mike, Witmer, and Rhonda. I have no idea what game they're playing, because I was too busy basking in the glow of most of Tony's face.

I heard kids in the background at one point, so someone was good enough to point me at the kitchen floor where Clark and Brian were having a grand ol' time on their playdate. Awesome.

Also, this shot revealed that the Hand-Rolled Sadowski Irish Potatoes were being devoured as usual. I immediately demanded that at least one be saved for me and brought in to work. Joe promised nothing, but I did get to scarf up at least two of the love-filled delights when I returned to work the next week.

Mike was trying to talk to me like a normal person, but I don't think I heard a word he said because Tony was secretly in the background, pretending to lick Anna's boyfriend's nipple. Hilarious.

To whom does that finger belong?!? Normally I'd say Joe, but he's in the shot. Then I'd normally guess it was me, but I wasn't in the room, per se. The hand's too old to be a young, rebellious Clark or Bryan. Maybe it was Abby? Wit? Mike? Melissa?!?

Joe is indicating where Tony's poop comes from. Also his ideas.

Over the three- or four-hour span of my cyber-visit, there was a lot of this: Me watching them play games which I could only kinda see. Is that Little Big Planet? Cuz that game is awesome.

Tony and I were discussing Watchmen and this his how we decided to best describe Dr. Manhattan's omnipresent dong.

Whoops! Poor Witmer spilled a glass of soda on the carpet right in front of the gaming area in the Fourhman Estates Living Room. I saw The Spill happen and I must admit that I laughed quite a bit. One of those not-funny-but-it-totally-was-cuz-I'm-not-there-in-person things, I guess.

Abby pulls an amazing "Calvin on Picture Day" Face next to Bryan and Melissa.

Joe looks like a dog who just heard a fart across the room.

Abby looks down on me. =^)

I share a Tender Moment with Witmer, post-spill incident.

Abby shows me that she's eating either a corn flake or a corn chip. Enthralling! Entertaining! Blurry!

Tony playing some Samba de Amigo. Hey! Quit showboating for your friends and mind the ceiling fan, jerkball!

Zombie Clown or Clown Zombie? Discuss...

I had to use the potty, so I jotted "BRB" on a pad and propped it on my chair. When I returned, Abby and Wit had put up this picture of (I think) Abby's dogs in response to my away message. Heh. Tricksters!

When iChatting, this is what you look like when you are reading IMs on your screen. Just a Public Service Announcement for anyone with a web cam.

Here, Abby is enjoying a slice of the Game Night staple-food. She's eating it in front of me so as to taunt me about how great it is to eat gluten-filled food.

Having had her fill of pizza and jabs at me about being sick and gluten-intolerant, Abby departs, completely satisfied.

The Sadowski Train was pulling out of the station, and with it went all remaining players. They all bid a fond farewell, and took off.

But they left the iChat window open. I was lonely for a bit.

Joe finally came back after having shown the guests out and prepared a bed for his buddy Mike who was the only gamer left at the house. We laughed about how I would still be down for more gaming if I were there in person. However, I was sick and NOT there, so I decided to bail, too. Even though I would have preferred to game in person, this video proxy version turned out to be pretty damn cool.

The Tauz Watches Watchmen: Pt. 3

2009-03-14T21:50:00.000-04:00

Finally, here we are, at the end of my tedious review of Watchmen. If you haven't already, go check out this post and then this post for the full effect. Now... the money shot, so to speak...

The Tauz's Watchmen Review.

Part 3: The Movie (continued).
(A.K.A. The Adulation and Lingering Questions from a Fanboy)

(Both Graphic Novel AND Movie SPOILERS, ahoy!)

The things that gave me Fanboy Boners:

Honestly, even though I found a laundry-list of stuff that annoyed me, the makers of this film recreated the world that was in the book. This world was no doubt that in which Dr. Manhattan and the rest of these fucked-up folks resided. They did excellent work, seriously.

And although I didn't realize it while watching, a TON of the dialogue was lifted straight from the original word balloons. That is so awesome. Who'd have thought that using a script of intelligent dialogue as a script for dialogue in a movie would provide the audience with intelligent material to view?!? What a twist!

As was the rumor from very early on, the makers of the film went to great lengths to bring the intricacies of the panels to life on the big screen. And they succeeded, right down to some very minute details. The mes-en-scene and backgrounds were spot-on, despite the glaring lack of sugar cubes. The many shots from the funeral scene, as I recall, reminded me specifically of their corresponding panels from the novel.

For me, the movie really brought home the fact that Jon was killing people, straight up. Even though he explodes a few people in the novel, for some reason, what he was doing never really hit me. But when he's walking through the fields in 'nam, explicitly ending peoples' lives by causing them to burst, that'll drive it home for ya. I think this really portrayed the danger that Jon's power presented to the rest of the world a little more effectively on screen than it did on the page.

99% of the characters were pulled off well, physically.
And while Dan could have been a bit chunkier and the doofus at the New Frontier needed to be a curly ginger-haired fatso, they did a great job with the casting. For every one (1) tiny mis-casting, there were about five (5) dead-on similarities waiting to blow you away.

The Number One Dead-Ringer, though, was Jackie Earl Haley as Kovacs, the man behind Rorschach's mask. During the interview with the psychiatrist (another homerun casting/make-up job), you are watching the pages turn, dude.

Were You Aware?
Jackie Earl Haley also played Kelly Leak in the 1976 classic The Bad News Bears?

And Matt Frewer!! They got Max Fucking Headroom to be Moloch! Nobody's seen this dude since he was on that episode of Star Trek: TNG where his character is "from the future", and now he turns up as MOLOCH in WATCHMEN?!? So, so good. They totally nailed this aspect of translating material between the media.

Jon's dong was everywhere. I think it showed up more in the movie than it did in the book, but the fact that they included the full frontals (forgive me) took balls. Bully for you. And if it made you uncomfortable, get over it. Also, the fact that they eased the audience into the fact that he was fully nude a lot was good. It wasn't like he was out there and lovin' every minute of it in his debut scene. It worked just like it did in the book: it exemplified how very disconnected from humanity Jon actually was. Thanks for manning up on this one, filmmakers.

Another thing they got very right that helped to enhance the movie-going experience was the soundtrack! Sadly, it took me until I heard Hendrix's rendition of "All Along the Watchtower" to realize that they were using the songs that were quoted on the closing pages of each chapter of the book! Excellent usage. Actually hearing them totally added a little something special to the story.

And exchanging Jon for Adrian's Fabricated Alien in the big ending plot change was probably necessary. The unknowing American public would not have swallowed that very easily, I don't think.

Case in point: I got the following IM from a friend of mine who had seen the flick without having read the book...
"hopefully you enjoyed Watchmen. i thought it was ok. good story, but i guess i expected more. someone at work explained the giant squid, yeah, glad they changed that part a bit. but i figured out the good guy became bad at the beginning."

Some will not agree with my above-quoted friend and I on this, but they are probably the same purist-blowhards who will heckle the people in line for the movie with cries of "Unfilmable!" So, you know what? They can eat me.

I am not sure how I feel about the following things:

The energy plot change. I think I was okay with it, because we got to see Lee Iacoca bite it. Hilarious.

Laurie's character seemed to have benefited from this version of the story. She wasn't as whiny, spoiled nor as annoying as she was in the book. I liked her better as a character in the movie, but wasn't she written in the book to be a bit annoying and spoiled on purpose? Maybe it was just Miss Akerman's performance that added likability to Laurie? Still not sure how I feel about it, but it's a fun topic for discussion.

So, correct me if I'm wrong, but Jon was working with Adrian from the beginning, right? So he added to the probable cause of his own alleged attacks in the end? Hmm. Not bad, but my jury's still out on why he'd be willing to be involved with Veidt, even before the start of the "Mask-Killer" plot line.

They took some of the stuff STRAIGHT from the art in the book. Now, I realize that I just praised the filmmakers for doing this, but the sad fact is that some stuff that they did do straight from the book, came off as cheesy, rather than coincidental and/or significant and wryly meaningful like they did in the book. Two examples of this spring to mind: When the Laurie's elbow sets off Archie's flamethrower:

...and after Jon and Laurie have concluded their conversation on Mars and they pull out to reveal the giant smiley face:

Now, while in the book, this visual has a lot of poignant functions, seeing it in the movie just made me giggle. I don't know why, but seeing it on the screen, I recognized it as being something straight from the panels, but it didn't hit me like it did while I was reading it. It didn't remind me of The Comedian, who had just been revealed to be Laurie's dad. Nor did it hit me that Jon's somewhat fickle decision to help humanity is just another in a series of cosmic jokes leading to the situation that Adrian has wrought on the world by the end of the story. I just giggled cuz it was a smiley face on Mars. That probably just speaks volumes about what it takes to entertain me, movie-wise. Anyshit...just another discussion point for future nerd gatherings.

The Final Verdict:

I think most of the changes that I complain about seem like they could have been interpreted into live-action very seamlessly and practically. It left me wondering why they decided to leave out the little shit, like the sugar cubes. Not hard to throw 'em in there, is all I'm saying. Or making Rorschach's capture more faithful to the art.

This points to misplaced accuracy. They went for artsy duplications and not always action duplications, which could have been just as cool, if not cooler than the original depictions. This confuses me.

That said, I enjoyed seeing these characters in the flesh, with all of their faults and flaws intact. I think there were some differences between the book and movie that should have been avoided; that would have made the movie even better, had they been imported from the book more directly. But I still think it was an amazing flick. I plan to own this on home video one day, along with the supplemental Tales of the Black Freighter animated short that has already been released.

I recommend both the graphic novel and the movie to anyone who likes this kind of stuff. Not for moms. Certainly not for kids. But I bet my brothers will love this just as much as I did.

The Tauz Watches the Watchmen: Pt. 2

2009-03-11T23:59:00.000-04:00

In case you missed it, I "spouted a bit of praise" for the book this movie was based on in my last Blaug Entry. Having said my peace on the source material, now's when I get to join the millions of semi-qualified, self-righteous jackasses that populate the Internets and spew my opinion at the world like anyone gives a damn. Let's dig in...

The Tauz's Watchmen Review.

Part 2: The Movie.
(A.K.A. The Criticisms from a Fanboy)

(Both Graphic Novel AND Movie SPOILERS, ahoy!)

No Doubt
I wouldn't have come up with this particular criticism if Joe (Paula's husband, who is undoubtedly a very good Joe, but not The Tauz's Usual Joe) hadn't mentioned it on the trip home from the theater. But now that it's out there, I can't help but share his disappointment. One key conversation was missing from the movie, and it's a crucial dialogue, at that. Its exclusion baffles me, and if anyone can shed some light on why it may have been left out, please leave it as a comment. The conversation in question was between Jon and Adrian, where Veidt expresses what seems to be his only moment of doubt throughout the entire story. He asks Jon if he did the right thing, in the end. To which Dr. Manhattan responds simply that nothing ends. (Actual panels below.)

Why did they leave this out? It shows us that good ol' Ozzy is even more human and somewhat less insane that we ever were led to believe. According to this, he has at least one iota of decency in him. He is so confident and cocksure throughout the entirety of the story until this moment, when he lets his guard down. He comes as close as he ever will to confiding in another sentient being that he is not 100% sold on his own idea that to save the world you gotta make some necessary sacrifices. A brilliant stroke of characterization, needlessly and inexplicably left out of the final cut of the film.

Pulled Punches
While on a tear about stuff that was left out, I think they could have used many of the violent scenes that were in the book much more "verbatim". One specific instance I have in mind to support this point occurred when young Kovacs' attacked two older bullies for calling his mom a whore. (Again, actual panels below.)There should have been a cigarette shoved into that motherfucker's eye AND he should have bitten his cheek. You already have the 'R' rating, (director Zak) Snyder. Shove that cherry into that asshole's eye and make everyone in the theater go "OOOOHH!", even the Fanboys who were sick enough to hope they'd see this happen on-screen. (I admit it. I'm a sick, sick person.)

Saw That Before?
Even though the general idea of "leaving a handcuffed person with a hacksaw and a choice" thing has been done (a.k.a. stolen/borrowed/re-purposed) by Saw, Rorshach's transformative moment should have been kept like it was in the book more faithfully. I was satisfied to see him take out those shitty dogs with a couple of thuds of a cleaver, 'tis true. But why not keep the birth of Rorschach Proper as originally written? (Again, actual panel excerpts below.)

Why pander to the masses with blood-splatter at such a key moment in Rorschach's characterization; especially when the alternative version could have been just as gruesomely graphic, if not moreso, than the version that made it into the film. Why have your character skew towards simple violence when he could (and in one version, did) use his intelligence to punish a criminal? Rorschach pounds the reality of the situation into this filthy piece of trash's face by making him see it Rorschach's way: Black and White. You can either live, self-mutilated and (eventually) in jail, or die a not-horrible-enough death for the crimes you've committed. Either way, justice is served. I stick by my assertion that the method Rorschach used in the original story would have been the choice in the movie, as well.

Ror-shock!
While I'm talking about Movie-Rorschach Disappointments, it sucks that he didn't "ronch-ronch" on any sugar cubes.

And I might have the facts on this wrong, but I thought his fight scene looked kinda lame to me. Had they stuck with him setting the dude on fire, then torching the stairs, THEN spearing the dude with his grappling hook gun, it would have stayed as sweet as it was on the page. But they opted to have him just flail the tiny torch around and light cops on fire, and not the stairs. (At least from what I recall.) They downplayed his intelligence here, again, by making that change.

Also, I'm sad that he didn't spring out of Moloch's fridge, like so:

The Sex Scene
Although it was great to see Malin Akerman's Hot Little Boobers on the silver screen, that scene wasn't nearly that graphic in the book. With what felt like five whole minutes of naked close-ups of pelvic grindings, I don't think it needed to be played up as much as it was. I mean... the actual act was only given like a page and a half in the book, and most of the panels were visually tamer. It made me blush as I was sat in that theater seat, is all I'm sayin'. (Actual sexy panels below.)

More like no-shadowing
Adrian should not have been presenting the idea of reuniting The Crimebusters in the scene w/ the infamous chart. Like Fourhman said in a conversation on the topic, "it was a bit of a tell", having Adrian lead this meeting in the flick. In the book, Veidt's reasons for supporting the team-up group being proposed by Captain Metropolis were more ambiguous, and that was used to foreshadow his bigger role in the plot. Whereas in the movie, it blatantly shoves his dislike for The Comedian into the spotlight. And I guess it was his idea to get everyone together again? That doesn't even make sense! A very strange perversion of the original storyline here, and I think actually one that really may have been the biggest and worst departure from the book. How hard would it have been to have Capt. Metropolis propose this idea? Really weird decision to me.

W.T.F.
And, for the record, no group in the original story was ever actually called "THE WATCHMEN"!! Guh. I cringed each time a character referred to "getting the Watchmen back together" or "my days with the Watchmen". What fuck is that?!?

A bad call, that's what.

My next entry will be filled with at least 30% less venom, as I will be chatting about the shit I did like about the movie...

The Tauz Watches The Watchmen Pt. 1

2009-03-10T23:59:00.002-04:00

Originally, I thought I'd do a quick review of the flick, but then I started writing and found that I have much more to say than just a simple movie review... I'm going to spout a bit of praise for the book, before I get to the movie, so check back later this week. I'll get to the flick, soon enough. So here's...

The Tauz's Watchmen Review.

Part 1: The Graphic Novel.

Although I was a bit late to the party, I did read Watchmen, the graphic novel before I heard word one about the development of the movie. So I therefore think I'm better than some of you.

There. I said it.

I'm just kidding, but I said it.

I mean... Who am I kidding? I finished reading this book more than twenty years after it was first published as a comic book series in 1985. So I certainly can't claim that I was in on the ground floor. But I am glad that I read the book first, and then joined the millions of Fanboys who just liked the book for what it was.

Now, I will admit that, during my first read-through, it took me a while to get into the story. And the whole time I was reading it, I was a bit overwhelmed. But by the end, when everything was coming together and exploding (or teleporting, as the case was), I realized that I was experiencing something rare. After I finished experiencing the graphic novel, I started to appreciate what author Alan Moore and illustrator/letterer Dave Gibbons had done, little by little.

After a few months passed by, I gave it another read, and this time through, I was totally focused on some of the ways Moore and Gibbons let their story occupy and grow on the pages, stretching each panel to the limits of its capacity. They use the medium of the graphic novel to its fullest potential, thus defining it.

Interweaving different aspects of the story from one panel to the next, as seen in the page below. It also shows them using a frame story (the pirate story of Tales of the Black Freighter) as an allegory for what is happening in the story outside of the pirate tale.

Dropping visual hints in the background as to the identity of the villain.

Foreshadowing with minute details in any given panel.

Writing smart, natural dialogue and monologues for deeply flawed and blatantly human characters, while also keeping it interesting.

Using non-comic book formats as tools for supplemental character development.

I mean, damn! This was one dense fucking read, but it is totally worth it; just to see how a graphic novel is supposed to be written.

It was quite an experience, the first time through. And every read-through since has revealed more and more interesting points that I've previously missed.

It's no wonder that Alan Moore wanted his name removed from the movie after you realize that he never wanted this to be anything other than a graphic novel or a set of comic books. He put his story into the frame in which it needed to be, and he seemingly resents the fact that someone else wants to re-tell it in a different way; taking it out of its proper environment and seeing if it could survive in a foreign one.

This all sounds like I'm leading up to a huge Bash-Fest for the movie version of Watchmen, but you're not going to get that from me. Sure, I have some amateur criticisms of the film, but I also really liked it. So check back again this week as I continue my look into Watchmen...

Hashing out an image issue...

2009-03-06T23:59:00.004-05:00

I've never smoked pot in my life.

However, I know some people probably assume that I have. Maybe they even assume that I do it all the time. I don't, though. Seriously. Never have. Not even once. I haven't even eaten any special brownies.

And it's not because I have anything against it. I just never did, and still never have, to this day.

I've been offered it only a few times in my life. (A few being no more than like, five.) Each time, I just didn't want to and I said no, and whoever was trying to pass me the dutchie just let me do my own thing.

I can see why people would think that I'd be a stoner, though. The indicators to support that assumption are surprisingly numerous.

So kick back and light up that spliff whilst I illuminate said indicators for your consideration, man. (Or not...if you're not into that stuff. Either way, keep reading.)

For a while there, I liked Scooby-Doo way too much...

I've been to more than one Dave Matthews Band concert.

I totally dig Rush, and I have been to at least five Rush concerts.

I went to IUP. (Pssshh. Party school.)

I'm friends with one Ryan Molyneaux, who had a dubious reputation back in the day. Said reputation was understandable, but it turns out that he just happened to know a lot about drugs, through academic studies (i.e. high school research papers) and second-hand experiences (a.k.a. his shady friends at the time). His rep was such that, while I was in college and I told one of my brothers that Molyneaux didn't, to the best of my knowledge, regularly get high, my brother was taken aback. He had always assumed that Ryan TOTALLY smoked up frequently and he was genuinely surprised to hear that he wasn't a pot-head.

I am also friends with people who actually do smoke (or used to smoke) a whole lotta weed.

I can frequently be found in convenience stores purchasing munchies late at night.

I laugh a lot. Usually at stupid, childish things, much like a stoner might.

I use the word "dude" a whole bunch.

Which reminds me of another reason: My fan-boner for The Stoner Classic: The Big Lebowski.

I also love Kevin Smith and his movies. I mean... c'mon. Bluntman and Chronic, for fuck's sake! How can you laugh at that shit if you're not high?!?!? Am I right?

(I am not. I'm yanking your chain. I cackle my non-stoned ass off at his movies all the time.)

The movie Half-Baked also cracks me up.

I fucking LOVE the Showtime series Weeds. A lot.

I'm lazy and relatively unmotivated at times.

I sleep in as much as possible.

I don't have the best short-term memory.

The 'Fro. Seriously. Who would sport that 'do sober?

The Tauz would, that's who, motherfucker.

I work in the "Creative Services Department". To some, that carries with it certain stereotypes that I and my fellow Promotions Geeks proudly defy. Hard.

I had my dorm room and college apartments decked out with a tie-dyed beanbag chair, two working lava lamps, and black lights that lit up glowing bottles of water into which we'd dropped highlighter ink.

And finally, my affinity for hacky-sacking and Frisbee sports.

In closing, I'd like to restate that The Tauz has NEVER done marijuana.

Never taken a hit off of a hookah packed with the cheeba.

Never rocked the ganja.

Never gotten stoned.

Never done pot.

Never smoked hash.

Never had a nice j.

Nope. I get high offa life, son.

More like Incredigreat!

2009-03-05T23:59:00.002-05:00

Dude.

If you haven't grabbed up The Lonely Island album Incredibad, you should do so. Or at the very least, come see me and I will burn you a copy.

It's good.

Like, "come and see me so I can burn you a copy" good.

In case you haven't heard of this pop culture phenomenon, allow me the privilege of giving you the skinny on The Lonely Island.

Akiva Schaffer, Jorma Taccone, and Andy Samberg are the major players in this group of funnymen. They honed their comedy skills together back in the day when they were friends in junior high. Now, as "adults", they make their living on a little show called Saturday Night Live where Kiv and Jorm are both writers, and Samberg is an actor/writer. These are the guys behind the SNL Digital Shorts that have gained popularity for the show and on the Interwebs.

Unless you've been under a rock, or hate comedy, you've probably seen or heard their song "Dick in a Box", featuring Justin Timberlake. And maybe "Natalie's Rap" with Natalie Portman and Chris Parnell. And probably even "Jizzed In My Pants". And, most recently, "I'm On A Boat", featuring T-Pain (which is one of my personal faves right now).

These are all hilarious, but their first break-out hit was "Lazy Sunday", in which Parnell and Samberg are two wicked-white dudes who are gangsta-rapping about making plans to go see The Chronic--(what?)--cles of Narnia movie.

All of these songs are sprinkled in throughout TLI's first album, titled Incredibad. I had seen and loved these songs before getting the album, thanks to SNL, but hearing them again, over and over in my car has made me even more of a fan. The comedy still holds up, even after multiple listens, and even without the accompanying videos they've produced. I started listening to the album in my car three weeks ago and I still laugh at the jokes, even as I'm singing along with the punchlines. And that takes talent. (To write something like that, not to sing while laughing [although that is a challenge, too].)

The album's gut-busting humor isn't the only thing that makes this a good album. Nay! The music that is so imperative to the presentation of said comedy gold is also genuinely good. Their music doesn't just deliver laughs, it also delivers beats, rhymes and rhythms that actually pump me up.

I'm serious! When I get outta work and I'm on my way out for the weekend, I put on "I'm On A Boat" and all of a sudden I'm all crazy-excited! This is good shit, people! I find myself passionately delivering the line "Fuck trees, I climb buoys, motherfucker!" to the poor, unsuspecting family in the minivan next to me at the stoplight on the way home. And that makes me feel great!

And that line brings up another thing I love about Incredibad! They use the word "motherfucker" so well. Granted, they use it a lot, but it's not too much. It's only used when it's necessary to kick the listener in their ear-balls and make 'em laugh about something. It's like that extra twist of pepper on your meal that makes it go from good to great. They even transcend normal comedy by using the term. Sometimes, it's just the fact that they used the word motherfucker in a completely unnecessary instance, but it's brilliant because now the use of such a strong word in such an instance is the joke. Genius, I tell you!

And holy shit, the motherfucking guest performers! There's a laundry list of them that's as diverse as your mom's client list on a Friday night. From the aforementioned JT, Portman, Parnell, and -Pain, they also recruited E-40, Julian Casablancas, Jack Black, and Norah Jones.

Now, I must admit that I've never heard of E-40. And I couldn't pick Mr. Casablancas out of a pop-culture lineup. And even ol' Jables was not an unexpected pick for a project such as this.

But the crown fuckin' jewel in the experience that is Incredibad HAS TO BE the daring, heartfelt performance rendered by Miss Jones. For such a soulful singer to rock out so hard with these goofballs and summon the charisma to pull off singing a line like "Last week/I thought I saw you on the street/Turns out it was a bag of trash/Just a big ol' bag of trash/I thought you looked like a bag of trash!" in her song "Dreamgirl" is amazing.

I was informed that Norah is notorious for being a bit of a trickster, so it probably wasn't much of a surprise to anyone who knew that, but still. Norah Jones. Great get, TLI.

For me, this is just a great feel-good listen, all around. Even though I had seen the Digital Shorts of "Natalie's Rap" and "Lazy Sunday" back in their heyday, I didn't love them as much then as I do now. Getting to laugh again at these "older" songs and memorizing them has been a great time. And as for the "New Shit!!", the stand-out tracks, for me are "Boombox", "Dreamgirl", "Like a Boss", and the titular jam, which gives the "meanest fake M.C.s on earth" their interstellar back-story.

I'd like to close with some of the lines I find myself singing to myself or coworkers or cohabitators of my apartment, randomly throughout my day:

"You're like a hot bowl of grits, only way more gritty..."

"A horse drunk a bottle and fucked a cow!"

"Shit on Debra's desk!"

"Last week, I sawr a film. As I recall it was a horror film."

"...a DVD of Cool Runnings!"

"We see eye-to-eye in this jean-punch game."

"A boombox is not a toy!"

So, The Tauz applauds The Lonely Island for Incredibad, and I highly suggest you give it a listen (and a look, if you get the opportunity to see any of the videos).

I guarantee it'll touch you...

...like that.

The Tauz has Got a Gun...

2009-03-04T23:59:00.004-05:00

Being an easy-going, non-confrontational guy, I'm not a big fan of guns. I kinda wish they'd never been invented, to be honest with you.

So when I ended up in the middle of the woods in Western PA with a loaded gun in my hands, it was a bit surprising, to say the least.

Let me start at the beginning, though. As I mentioned before, I went to Pittsburgh this past weekend to celebrate Eep's birthday with him and Stoner. Eep had recently bought a new shotgun and had it out so he could bring it with him to his parents' house on Saturday. We were going with him to see his nephew become his godson and attend the family-heavy party afterward.

But when Stoner saw the gun, he got all gun-horny. Eep saw an opportunity to share his enthusiasm for guns with his friends and suggested we go fire off a few rounds at the gun range that's not far from his parents' house after the Baptism.

Stoner was very, very eager to do so.

I was not overly excited, but I wanted to go, so I could at least document the occasion for fun, at least. I eventually changed my mind and decided that I wanted to take a shot at it.

(Ba-dum bump, crash!)

So when the family festivities started winding down, we took some paper plates and drew targets on them. (Mine was an X-Men insignia... Even when I'm doing something as testosterone-driven as shooting a gun, my true nerdiness shines through! Badass!) And after packing up Eep's gun and a bunch of 22 caliber rounds (because they're the cheapest and least-lethal rounds he had), we mounted up and took the Jetta out into the woods of Western PA. And it was fucking freezing, by the way.

Since this was totally his thing, Eep was in the lead.

Stoner is "sho ikshighted"...

Eep went first, instructing us the whole time. (We later realized that the earmuff things were not even close to necessary, BTW...)

He did okay... Not his best, but he has marksmen medals to prove that he's normally a good shot.

Stoner was up next, because I wasn't about to get in between him and that gun, for fear that he'd beat me, simply for delaying his experience.

That's a sad Stoner. He didn't do too well until later, after Eep had diagnosed what was wrong. He aimed way too high, and didn't realize it. He was a pretty good shot later on, though. Totally redeemed himself, eventually.

So then it was my turn. Under the supervision of a trained professional, I loaded up the magazine and clicked it into place.

Then it hit me. I was holding a loaded gun. Still uncertain as to how I'd come to be in that moment, I paused to reflect. It was also an opportune time to grab this photo which, I feel, genuinely reflects my inner conflict:

I then took my 7 shots at the target, 33 yards away.

The scary thing is, it turns out, I'm not a horrible shot. Who knew?

Out of the 15 rounds I shot, I hit my target seven times. Now, to be fair, one of those rounds was shot at a piece of paper on the ground, like, 15 yards away, but still... that totally counts. I guess all those rounds of Wii-Play target-shooting against Loban and Broban kinda paid off. Or maybe it was the NERF dart gun practice I've been getting in around the living room lately....

Eep squoze off a few more shots...

Then Stoner hit his mark multiple times at the 33 yard marker.

And then I spent another mag. (Gun slang!)

After we'd finished off his box of bullets and each of us were suffering from varying degrees of hypothermia, we piled back into the car and headed back to the homestead feeling very manly.

Now, I'm no fool. I knew that my actions would have consequences when I decided to fire that gun. Rest assured, I did not make the decision lightly. I knew that certain friends of mine would be disgusted and disappointed. I also know that this would make others happy and proud that I'd made the most out of the opportunity.

As for me, I'm still on the fence about the whole experience. It was fun, but kinda creepy. Holding something in your hands that is designed to kill (or even just severely injure) was a heavy experience for me. I am, to date, both proud of myself and still a tad unsettled.

I would do it again, I think. Because it was fun enough, and it was in a safe environment, and it hurt exactly no one, and I never intend to use a weapon for its actual original purpose. On the other hand, I didn't enjoy it enough to go out and buy one of these pea-shooters, that's for damn sure. No way. For now, I think I'll play it safe and just stick to what I know...

Whoops-a-doodle!

2009-03-02T23:08:00.005-05:00

I'm glad I'm not the only one who notices shit like this...

Molyneaux and I were watching How I Met Your Mother and, for some odd reason we were watching the commercials, too. (He has a Tivo, so usually the breaks are watched in fast forward. Thankfully that was not the case on this night, though.)

In the middle of the break, this commercial with a darling little ginger girl and Howie Long comes on. Nothing spectacular; just another spot featuring a cute little moppet acting all grown-up and bossy with a big, bad tough guy. But then it happened. See if you can spot it...

Now, I was willing to let this slide. I even suppressed a giggle when the moment originally danced across my frazzled little brain. But when Molyneaux sat up, grabbed the remote and sputtered, "Wait a minute!", I knew it wasn't just me being immature.

It was also him.

Did you not catch it? It happens around :22 in the video above, and it looks like this:

So, besides the fact that this is hilarious, I realized something else here.

There are a lot of people who had a chance to notice that it looks like that little girl is pointing directly at Howie Long's Junk (TM) before it reached the air. I'd like to know how many people saw that before it ran in CBS prime time. Because I find it hard to believe that, out of what must have been at least a hundred people, NOT ONE of those chumps thinks similarly to me or Molyneaux?

I mean... okay. I know that he and I are on our own level of man-child inanity, but... Really? Like, it's not somebody's exclusive job to think like that on projects like this? So, along the way, NOBODY thought to say, "Uhh. Sir? Can't we re-frame that shot so that it doesn't look like the cute little girl is pointing directly at the hulking football hero's genitals?"

And aside from that, she's also unfortunately saying, "That's a big-girl car," as she is pointing (to the car). But as you can tell from my audible snicker during the video, she might as well have stopped at the word 'big'.

(Plus... "Howie Long". Heh.)

Anyways... after we played it back, I started giggling. And then, when Molyneaux froze it on the above frame, I started cackling. I immediately ran upstairs to grab my camera and his FLIP cam. But when I took the following picture of the freeze frame with my flash still on, the positioning of the flash's reflection just sent me rolling, literally, on the floor, laughing my ass off.

High School in Pittsburgh!

2009-03-01T23:59:00.004-05:00

I just got back from a weekend in Pittsburgh, and boy, was it a doozy!

Friday night I went out with my S.H.I.T. House Boys, Eep and Stoner, to a bar in Station Square.

Little did I know that before the night was out, I'd have seen two former Susky classmates, been complimented on my dancing by no less than three strangers, and dragged my friend, Scarecrow-style, down the sidewalk to a cab, only to be rewarded by having him steal half of my Reese's Peanut Butter Cups after we returned home.

***Begin Sidebar***
If you're A Faithful, you know that I try to keep names somewhat un-googleable here on The Tauz Blaug because of an incident I inadvertently caused once. So, in keeping with that policy, I will avoid using full names here. Maybe it's a nickname. Maybe it's a last name. Maybe it's a first name. Or maybe I just make all of this shit up and nobody in my stories are real....
***End Sidebar***

So Eep, Stoner and I call a cab to get to this huge, multi-room bar. We wanted to get there around 10, but the cab company said they were going to send their first available car over to pick us up. The problem with that, though, was that it was only 9:10 when we called. So we showed up to the bar much, much earlier than we wanted to. So we're a bit miffed about this, but what seemed to us like a timing snafu would end up being a total bonus, in the long-run.

So, annoyed to be there so anti-tardy, we go in, buy our first round and discover that we're so early, the fuckin' drink specials haven't even started yet. Sheesh. Drinks in hand, we decide to walk through all of the different rooms in the place to kill time and scope the scene, so to speak. We stroll through each room and get even more peeved by the fact that we are there at the bar equivalent of the asscrack of dawn. But by the time we had done the full circuit through all four(ish) rooms, our drinks were gone. In search of a remedy, I leave Eep and Stoner at the island counter in the middle of the room where we'd been chatting, and head to the nearest bartender.

En route to the bar, I look down to get my wallet out. Expecting to see the cute blonde girl who was there before I looked down, I was shocked when I looked up to see my former classmates from high school, friggin' Stiffler! I freak out, but he maintains his trademark cool. I immediately realize just how little he has changed, in a good way.

This dude and I go way back! I mean... as far, if not farther than Molyneaux and I! He used to ride my bus in elementary school. When I was probably 9 years old, he was the one who told me who Elvis Presley was. He was in Marching Band with me (he played trumpet). I ate lunch with him and a few other friends every day during either my sophomore (or junior?) year. I partied with him at PSU when he was dating Gretch. The list of memories goes on and on...

I probably haven't seen him since his graduation, which was the year before me, so this was kind of a big deal! I was really excited to see him, and the feeling seemed mutual. So he served up some "Stiff" drinks for me and my boys all night while we were at his superb establishment, and in between our random excursions over to the dancin' room, I stopped by and had a few chats with good ol' Stiffler.

During one of these catch-up sessions, he mentioned that he'd just served Oni, another Susky Alum who was a couple of years younger than me. I was blown away! Even though I had recently become friends with Oni on Facebook, and, hence, knew he was in Pittsburgh, I hadn't seen him in a damn long time, either. Not ten minutes after I'd been told he was in the building, Oni swung back around and we got to hang for a bit. It was really cool to talk to him and see what he's doing with himself. I noticed that he said "word" a lot, which was funny. But he's going to have his doctorate, so it's cool.

Later on in the night, while we were over in the "I Just Wanna Dance" Room, some girl requested a dance with me and asked if her friend could snap a pic of us dancing. I totally said yes, of course. So, somewhere out there on some random chick's Facebook or MySpace page is a picture of her dancing with some skinny, bearded white guy with serious moves and a goofy face. Kinda like this, but with a chick in it, dancing and laughing...

If you ever run across it, send me that shit, pronto. (She was wearing a red shirt and black pants, if that helps your search.)

So my impromptu reunions certainly added to the never-fail recipe for a sweet evening: Start with three crazy boyz from Wallace Hall (R.I.P.!!). Add in some random Susky nostalgia, some total strangers, and some crazy-juice. Shake well and serve cool.

Works every time.

The Curtain

2009-02-26T23:47:00.005-05:00

I'm so loved that sometimes it's embarrassing.

When I moved in to my new place with Molyneaux in August, I took the smaller of the two rooms available. This was largely because at the last place we shared, I called dibs on the bigger room and he got stuck with the small one. So this time around, he got the big digs.

At first I was worried that not all of my furniture would fit into my new room. I had a big damn desk, a double bed, a small book shelf, and a decent-sized dresser to shove into my mauve-carpeted cube of a room.

For the first week I lived here I kept shifting my furniture around, but it never seemed quite right. It was like sleeping next to someone and trying to find the most comfortable place to put each arm; shifting about, trial and error-style, really struggling with it before getting truly comfortable. I tried a lot of stupid combos in search of the right setup. It was only after I tried putting my shelf unit on top of my desk that I realized that this was getting ridiculous.

I had tried to fit my dresser in my closet, but the closet doors totally buggered that idea all to hell. So I finally decided to bust out the tools and wreck shop. I took the doors off of my closet and nestled my dresser right in there. I was then free to shift the remaining furniture into their proper places and go on living comfortably.

The only small problem was the fact that my closet was now wide open.

Now, as you might have picked up on by now, displaying my wardrobe is not something I'm ashamed of. However, having nowhere to stow shit when company's coming over was a problem. I now had no rug under which to sweep the dust, so to speak.

So I asked my mom if she had any old shower curtains or something that I could use to shield visitors from the depths of my private space. (ew...) She offered to make something for me and asked for ideas for such an item. And as goofy as this sounds, I had been thinking of doing something with my old jeans. I suggested using my old trousers and other scraps she had to make a curtain and she agreed to work something out. She also said she might spell something like 'IUP' out with different fabric or put a big smiley face in the middle of it. I thought that might be neat, so I said 'whatever' and left it at that.

A few months later, while I was visiting the ol' homestead before volleyball, Mom said she had something for me. I thought it might be some mail they'd received by accident or some joke she'd printed off of the Internets. But no! It was nothing so mundane. She brought me into her sewing room, and there on the ground was The Curtain.

My initial reaction was surprise, because I had no idea that she'd been working on it all this time. The second reaction was that the pants thing looked pretty sweet. And finally I saw the other panels, which were made with so much love that I couldn't help but love those, too.

I'm totally cool with the scrap of Cowboys fabric she found from when she made some bandannas and boxers for Big Bro Mark and I back in the 90s. And the big ol' IUP patch sure does me proud. And even the glaring tribute to my first big-boy job is cool, even though it'll be a tad corny after I one day move on and get a new jorb, but I still dig it.

I love my momma, no doubt, and she put a lot of work into this and I love it. I just wanted to publicly thank The Tauz Mom for this heirloom that she has made for me. I also wanted to give The Tauz Blaug Faithfuls out there something else to mock me mercilessly for...

Now you can poke fun at me the next time you see me in person. I suggest you call me a Momma's Boy, but don't be surprised when I don't take that as an insult. It's just like telling me that my mommy loves me.

And where's the shame in that?

Extreme Music

2009-02-25T23:56:00.000-05:00

This past weekend was filled with fuckin' amazing music and equally amazing friends.

Regarding music, I was all over the damn map.

**********
Saturday night, Caleb, Autumn and I headed out to The Chameleon Club in Lancaster to show some love for our friends Jordan, Conor, Mike, and Greg. Together, those four scruffy, mild-mannered twenty-somethings join to form Pandas, an unclassifiable and greatly entertaining band. They were one of many bands that opened for excellent local metal act Ventriloquist.

All of the bands that night were metal bands, so I got my fill of the growling lyrics, the meedlies and squeedlies, and (most definitely) the blast-beats.

Pandas have all of that, except for the growling, as they have no vocalist. I think that really makes them stand out as a band. It also breaks them out of the metal band mold. That and their comedic antics on stage, with Conor and Greg tossing out quazy quips between songs, and Jordan putting the sarcastic rimshot exclamation point on some of their over-the-top, yet completely self-aware jokes. All of this is only spurred on by the ridiculous track titles that they play like "Cowgirl Up", the Futurama-reffing "ThunderCougarFalconBird", and "Bonercycle". The entire Pandas package is entertaining; from tight musicianship to fun stage presence, they're the shit.

We met a few other friends there and we hung out with the band and spent most of our time chilling by the Pandas merch table. When our buds took the stage for a great set, all of us but one (huge props to Josh for manning the merch table during the show!!) gathered at the base of the stage along with the tweens that were there for a hard metal show on a Saturday in Lancaster.

I had Molyneaux's Flip Cam and I tried to grab some vids of the set, but I forgot that I really like to move to their tunes. Here's part of "The Predator's Barm is Arming". At around the :15 and :45 marks in the clip, note the bouncing in time that indicates that the camera person (yours truly) is having too much fun to disconnect himself from the experience in order to be just a 'camera person' instead of just a fan with a camera... Persons of note in the crowd include Annie and Steve, Caleb and Autumn, my new kickass friend Karen, and that really tall guy with the Phillies hat who I've never introduced myself to...we're all Fandas. (I just made that up and will get severely beaten for it.)

Luckily, though, they did a song that is not on Maximum Fucking Tenderness, their 4-song EP, so I don't have it memorized, which means I could stand still enough to get some decent footage of the boys in action. So here's a large chunk of "Bonercycle" by Pandas at The Chameleon Club on February 21, 2009.

I hope they get to perform there again, because the guys really deserve the kind of exposure they got Saturday night. Good times, gentlemen.

**********

So that was Saturday night. Flash-forward another 24 hours to Sunday evening.

I've traded the hoodie and sneakers for a sweater, argyle socks and dress kicks. I'm sitting in an auditorium on the campus of Shenandoah University Conservatory in Winchester, VA, where Whitney Hollis is on stage. She is blowing everyone away with her Undergrad Senior Voice Recital.

She was amazing. From the dress that her mom made to the massive earrings she was sporting, she looked great. And her voice is stronger than ever, and that's saying something. Singing in English, French, German, and Italian, she killed it all.

Most Memorable Moment: After one set of songs, nobody clapped for her.

We weren't being dicks, though. Actually, we were being inappropriately proper. Let me explain before you boo me.

For those of you unfamiliar with Classical Music Performance Protocol, concert etiquette dictates that you wait until the set of songs is over until you applaud the performers. And this set was listed as follows:

-----------------------------------------------------------------
WOLFGANG A. MOZART
(1756-1791)

Als Luise die Brief ihres ungetreuen
Liebhabers verbrannte, K.520 <--------(this line was indented)
Abendempfindung an Laura, K. 523
-----------------------------------------------------------------

To the untrained eye, it looks like there are three songs to be performed, when in reality, there are only two. The first one just has a deceivingly long title.

This fucked all of us in the audience up.

Even the students who knew that the set was only two songs long didn't want to cheer. They didn't want to be the only ones to break the silence. But finally, after what had to have been nearly ten awkward seconds, a professor in the corner of the audience started clapping, and everyone else followed suit.

Whitney laughed out of relief on stage before leaving the stage with her accompanist. Classic shit, man.

Anyways, the world had better fucking look out for this soprano. Seriously. She's got pipes, and she knows how to use 'em.

After her performance, a group of us hung out at her friend Autumn's swanky pad and had a few drinks and made fun of the hideous people on the Oscars (which was coincidentally on while we socialized). Good times, Miss Hollis.

**********

So I went from full-out metal one night to opera excerpts the next; thus pinning the music-meter on both ends of the scale in one weekend. And I enjoyed every moment of it.

Turns out I'm one diverse jerk.

You Can't Manufacture Inspirado...

2009-02-24T23:59:00.000-05:00

...well, mere mortals can't, anyway.

So, I was checking my email at work on Monday when I saw that I had received something from Quiznos Subs.

"That's weird," I thought. SPAM doesn't usually make it through the pinhole that is our over-protected network at work.

I pondered for a moment longer and thought, "And that's really kind of annoying, too, that it's for something that I can't eat and haven't eaten in over 3 years now. Some poor SPAM-BOT really worked hard to get to me, and all for naught. But still, there's something particularly NOT-SPAMish about this email..."

Curious, I opened the email and what I found within was an all too logical reason that I'd been targeted to get this coupon for a free sub...from a friend.

It was Tony, not sending me a sandwich coupon, but rather begging me to return my attentions to The Blaug, in his own clever way.

"Don't forget to thank your friend!"

Indeed.

Well played, Mr. Sadowski.

Well. Played.

2008: The Blaug Entries That Should Have Been...

2009-01-09T02:00:00.002-05:00

2008 was a monumental year for The Tauz.

(That's right. I started 2009 with a fucking pun. Off to a great start, eh?)

Anyways... '08 started out with me thinking I had the dedication to do one of those Take a Picture a Day things. Guess how long that lasted...

Yup.

I had a Wii, and the ladies showed up in droves to try it out...

(Even though it was to celebrate the holidays that happened in 2007...) 2008 was the year that Joe Fourhman, after a long and proud hiatus, shamefully broke his Non-Attendance Streak by showing up at the Station Holiday Party. It's also worth noting that this only happened because he was forced into making an appearance in order to get an award. He celebrated his win by leaving the party as soon as possible. Good for him.

My nephew Mason celebrated his first birthday by being adorable and awesome. He then utterly devoured his cupcake in under two minutes. Astounding. He's hardcore cute. Also, Oh-Eight was the first time I missed being at Kylie's birthday party. She continues to be a delightful firecracker dynamo full of talkiness and marvelousness. Those kids are the best. (I have photographic proof of all of this, but Big Bro Mark and Sis-in-law Laura don't dig me postin' pic's of the little ones up here. Take my word for it, though... they rule.)

Next up in the cuteness department, this year saw the arrival of a little puppy into Caleb and Autumn's (and subsequently, my) home. Ratchet is cute and loud and hyper and not fixed. He gets boners a lot and it is creepy. But we still love him because he is adorable. He has replaced Caleb as the mascot of the household. Yay, Rattie!

My old Jansport bookbag finally bit the dust this year when its zipper finally gave way permanently. It had been in service since about 6th grade... so for over 17 years. So after being bagless for a few sad months, I finally replaced it with a blue Timbuktu bag which now proudly sports a Green Lantern patch on the flap. It has done its predecessor proud so far. If you squint, you can pretend to see it on me in the pic below.

On the first Saturday in May 2008, I went down to DC with my family. We met up with my grandfather (and Uncle Roland) as he toured the landmarks with a huge group of his fellow WWII vets. It was really cool to get to walk around with him and talk to him about his part in history. And the neice and nephew had a grand ol' time experiencing one of their first Family Day Trips. After reveling in the coziness of quality family time, I rushed home and stopped in at my comic shop to scrape the bottom of the barrel of what had been Free Comic Book Day. (It's an addiction...what can I say?) But, honestly the highlight of the day was chillin' with Pawpaw. I have to give him credit for being the The Original Tauz. His buddies used to call him Tauz, but, being Cajun French, they pronounced it like "toes". Sometimes my dad will still call him Tauz when they talk on the phone. I think that's pretty cool. That's my roots, y'all...

2008 is the year when Mom and Dad went lo-flow. They re-hardwared the bathrooms with dual-flush toilets and everything. Push the button with one bump for #1, the one with two bumps for a #2. Pretty sweet; pretty green.

Heh. Poop was still funny in 2008, also.

And while I'm talking about awkward personal body function moments of the year, '08 saw me buy a Neti Pot. I immediately grossed everyone out by YouTubing myself using it. I'll spare you a second dose, but damn I thought that shit was fuckin' hilarious.

David Cook robbed Archuleta of being the official Idol. Damn his horrible, horrible legions of... um... "more mature" fans.

Big Bro Mark got his Master's Degree!! FUCK YEAH!! I was on-hand with other loved ones to make an embarrassing amount of supportive noise when they announced his name while he crossed the stage. We're all so proud of him!

In 2008, we sent a Tauzin to Africa! Terry (Big Bro Jeff's wife) took off for Ghana for a month to learn a shitload about African music and dance. She came back with so many amazing pictures, memories, and stories, as well as a new passion: Ethno-Musicology. Meanwhile, back at the ranch in Tucson, AZ, Big Bro Jeff took up Kung-Fu, which is totally excellent.

Autumn (Caleb's wife) got to know my family a tad better after she took a job as Mark and Laura's Interior Designer/Decorator. She's the reason I got to paint with my neice's feet.

I ate this NON-Gluten-Free burger at Hershey Park. Booooo.

On at least one occasion in 2008, I didn't know when to say when.

Gretch and Gruppy were there for a majority of those occasions...heart them!

And thank goodness I have friends like Caleb to encourage me to have another, but then be sober enough to drive me home when such gaps in judgment occur...

Retreat 08: the year I got pranked by some brilliant Second-years. Here I am, next to The Tauz Scarecrow (TM) made out of my own clothes and a balloon while I was out playin' some Ultimate. They made me so proud! *single tear*

I took on two editing projects in one summer: The Slideshow (which my young padawan Brett stepped up and showed awesome skills with)...

...and Stoner's Parents' 50th Anniversary DVD. Both turned out to be things I am proud of. (And for the record, below is Eep's finger flicking us off, not Stoner's finger flicking you off.)

Gas prices soared to record highs this year, which sucked. I did, however, find the silver lining, somehow.

I saw so many of my friends get married this year... and they ALL made sure I had Gluten-Free meals at their receptions. I love them all, and I'm so happy for you guys...

Kit and Tim got married. At the reception, Big Bro Mark and I did "The Catholic Dance" and they made Gluten-Free cookies for me.

Melfa and Brian got married and now join to form MELFANZARITE!! (Props to Dana for the name.) The reception was chock fulla friends and fun. And long-lost fun friends like Gretchen L.!!

Oh... and my friends' moms were there, too, which is always fun. Dancing with Miss Jo is always a hoot...

...and I totally surprised Ruthy (a.k.a. Big Sexy) with this outta-nowhere snipe-shot of us! Score!

Liz and Greg got married.

I danced like a fiend with Sarah and Joe, et. al.

They had Gluten-Free cookies for me at the reception.

Maureen and Saleem got married. "Twice." I was there. Twice.

So were Annie and Steve! And according to my thank you note from the newlyweds, I may or may not have saved the reception from a wild monkey attack...

Kristin and Bob got married. We partied at a restaurant next door to our hotel rooms. That waitress chick was crazy... I forgot my camera that day and I'm sad about that. It was tons of fun, though. Here's a pic of the happy newlyweds chatting with Meghan and Ed at the next wedding I went to, tho!!

G and Tuna got married. Much fun was had with friends from high school AND college. So much fun. And seeing Joe W. reminded me how much fun he is to goof around with... Here he and his lady-love are posing with the Couple of Honor and their Maid of Honor, Dana.

I danced like I was on a bender on Philly St. in Indiana, even though I was stone-cold sober. Eventually, the bartender asked if I wanted to take a pitcher of water with me to my table. I took him up on the offer. He gave me so much more time to make an ass out of myself. What a saint.

Loban and I moved out of our place together so that he and Angela could start being grown-ups. I went the other way and got another place with Molyneaux. Again, he and I reunited just off of Queen St. Our place, with thanks to his rockin' lady, Catie, is surprisingly classy (in spots) and sometimes even clean. They are both so good to me that I had to post the best picture of them that I have.

I bade farewell to The Comfy Chair. I find myself regretting it sometimes. Other times, not so much.

In 2008 Joe Fourhman found Jesus.

...on his Pop-Tart. He was not happy about it. I found it hilarious enough to document.

I cut 7 inches of hair off of my head.

I saw Rush one night, and Linkin Park the next. I do not recommend this to anyone who wants to continue respecting any band they go to see immediately after having seen 3 living rock gods continue to do their thing after 30 years. Rush are amazing.

2008 is the year that Linkin Park fell a notch or two in my list of favorites. Sorry, chums, but your live shows are not as amazing as all the teens want us to believe. Don't get me wrong... they're talented guys. I just want them to stay in the studio and out of politics. All that aside, I definitely had a great time with my 'Burgh Boyz while we were waiting to see LP.

I both attended and hosted Game Nights. At one, we played a MASSIVE game of Zombies. So massive, in fact, that we had to play on the floor.

I witnessed Rock Band get played for about 6 hours straight during the Youth Ministry Lock-in.

I saw a door in Promotions disappear and change into a time capsule full of Inside-Jokes...

...and plenty of Dick Jokes.

Soon after that, I saw The Tony disappear... (strictly from the office setting) ...but not before:

1) He became my temporary roommate and we made the Manliest Meal Ever.

2) We posed for this horribly hilarious and (at least) slightly offensive picture...

(It's offensive because I'm wearing something that promotes 'Til Death, a terrible FOX sitcom.)

I joined the Venture Bros. T-Shirt Club. I got a new shirt designed by the creators of the show for 13 weeks in a row. I now own many unique, limited-run t-shirts. And they are all great. Even the ones I don't like as much. Here I am sporting my Guild of Calamitous Intent threads. (Ignore the giant black thing dangling from my chin, please.)

I spent the summer watching almost exclusively superhero and stupid comedy movies:

Iron Man
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Don't Mess with the Zohan
WALL*E
Hancock
Hellboy 2
The Dark Knight
Step-Brothers

Only once was I mistakenly given the student discount without proof of ID.

I expanded the number of comic books that I subscribe to into the teens, and I bought my first longbox. (That's the kind of box you store your bagged and boarded comic books in, for those of you uneducated "cool" people out there.)

I beat Super Mario Galaxy, Super Smash Brothers (in Subspace Emissary Mode) and No More Heroes on the Wii.

I went to TWO comic book conventions (WizardWorld: Philadelphia and Baltimore). Below is a pic of Robert Kirkman (left) and Brian Michael Bendis (right) "battling it out" on a panel at the Baltimore Con.

I went to a Video Game Expo in Philly. I, along with nearly 30 other people (among whom were Tony and Joe) played a giant multi-player round of Dance, Dance Revolution. I did not do well, but at least I can say I did it. Joe, Tony and I had a grand old time nerdin' it up around the convention center and a small part of Philadelphia.

So, to recap: Weekly Cartoon Show T-shirt Club. (Mostly) Nerdy movies enthusiastically viewed. More comic books. More video games. Two comic conventions. One video game expo. Totally sweet.

On an unrelated note, I somehow remain single.

...Ladies...

2008: The year I changed my own flat tire on the Saturn.

And speaking of the Saturn, even though that hunk of plastic served me well for the last eight years, I kicked my '97 Saturn to the curb in 2008...

...and, in the midst of Hurricane Hannah, I introduced the world to The Tauzda. Do I like it? Seven. Speaker. BOSE. System.

I rode a motorcycle for the first time. Sure, it was as a passenger, but it was still pretty kickass. Thanks, Eep. (If you look closely, you can see me pondering how much I might want one of these for myself, some day...)

Speaking of exhilarating experiences, 2008 was the year I actually got a bit emotional about my role in this nation's politics. I voted for Barack Obama. And he won. Now make with the change, dude.

I revived my Twitter account from its year-long hibernation. I now use it to update the Facebook account I created, because this was the year I got over myself and became a Facebookist. MySpace is so last year.

I discovered Kingdom Drum: a praise and worship drum circle group. How fucking amazing is that?!? Now I drum for God once a month. (Photo credit = Brett)

I attended and survived my 10-Year High School Reunion.

I traveled with my parents to Tucson, AZ to celebrate Christmas in the desert with Big Bro Jeff and Sis-in-Law Terry and their puppy-doo, Shaida.

For the first time ever, I went into a Circle K. I did so even though nothing strange was afoot.

I have worn the same sneakers all year long. (Not always with argyles, though.)

I posted a meager, paltry 25 entries here on The Tauz Blaug. I apologized about 25 times for not posting enough. I made empty promises. And yet you still come back to read.

It's because you can't get enough (and I can't give enough) of The Tauz Blaug.

Here's to hoping against all hope that I can be Better at Blauggin' in '09...

If, for some reason, you think I overlooked an event or something you feel was significant, let me know in comments! And I implore you to not feel slighted if you didn't show up in this post! You know I love all of my Tauz Blaug Faithfuls, irregardless of how many pictures of you I have and/or post here. Forgive me!!

Surreality Check

2008-12-13T05:24:00.005-05:00

The Tauz hit a milestone this year.

Ten years ago, I graduated from Susquehannock High School.

'98!!

And the people who graduated with me were going to get together at our Ten-Year Reunion.

Now, as near as I can tell, it seems like the Class Reunion was invented by some sadistic asshole who wanted to brag about his awesome job to all of the people who had made fun of him during puberty. The event is set up to be like a Progress Report to Your Former Peers. And that sooo doesn't sound like it could be any fun.

There are a lot of ways to feel about reaching this kind of a milestone in one's life, and I'm pretty sure I've felt 'em all in the past few months.

First, I felt old. Like I've been around forever. I think moving back to York after college amplified this particular feeling. I see people I know all the time, because I grew up around here. And when I see these people, we hold conversations that reference events that happened ages ago, and that makes me realize how long I've been alive.

Next, I felt unaccomplished and self-conscious about what I've done, career-wise. But then I realized that I truly enjoy my job, and I'm pretty good at it, and I make a decent living on top of all of that, so I'm above the average on that issue. Plus, it's pretty cool to say that I work in TV. Most people think that's cool, and I'm not about to correct them.

And then I felt excited. I know some didn't reach this stage after hearing about the impending reunion... but these events are not for everyone. I have to admit that at one point, after I'd missed the cutoff date for sending in my RSVP, I had come to peace with not attending. But after randomly running into some classmates who dropped a (surprisingly effective) guilt trip on me about not going, and talking to my Mom about not going, and thinking forward to the future guilt trips I'd have to endure from other friends who HAD gone, I decided to shoot off an email to make sure it wasn't too late to register, and then dropped my check in the mail.

Turns out, I'm glad I went.

It was an absolutely surreal evening.

It was weird at first.

No. That's a lie.

It was fuckin' weird all night. Definitely a strange feeling, walking into a room full of people who you basically grew up with, but who may or may not recognize you.

My problem, though, is that my mind is rigged to remember faces and names. I'd say, 93% of the time, I'm the guy coming up to you in the restaurant/grocery store/amusement park and saying your name with a question mark at the end of it. I usually follow that right away with my own full name, so as to alleviate the awkwardness of the fact that you probably have no idea who the fuck I am. But I pretty much recognize everybody, all the time.

So walking through the room, seeing everyone and recognizing everyone, and not knowing the protocol, I felt like I had to say hi and catch up with everyone as I came upon them. I didn't want to offend anyone and just walk by them, and I wanted to show each of them that I didn't hold grudges or anything dumb like that...

But I didn't get very far through the room at that pace. And by the end of the night, I'm pretty sure I had accidentally snubbed some people who I definitely would have liked to (at least) have had a chat with. So I'll take this opportunity to publicly apologize to anyone who felt I snubbed them at the reunion.

I'm sorry.

Drop me a comment and we'll catch up, super-promise.

I'm also disappointed in myself for taking such a paltry amount of pictures. And it became evident to me way too late that I didn't take pictures evenly throughout the night. Three here, four there, one here... and none all over the place.

Here are some of the better shots I took:
(All last names have been left out, in order to keep them from being added to the Google searches of their names, in case any of them would not like just anyone to stumble upon the following pictures. Just as a precaution, is all.)

Me enjoying a hug with the ever-lovely Wendy!

Ashley looked awesome for the big event.

Gretch is gonna kill me for posting this one, but the shot was just too irresistable to resist... Ashley, Gretch, and Jessica, with Brenda hovering behind/above them.

Flipper and Tom, muggin'. (He's apparently from the West Side of Shrewsbury.)

Alana lookin' fine with The Tauz at her side!

When Tom stole my camera, I told him not to take any pictures of his genitals. You can actually feel the disappointment in his eyes, here.

After multiple failed attempts at a picture with Mr. and Mrs. Ryan "Rhymes-with-Kegger"... a helpful classmate snapped this one of us.

I then tried to snap a pic of myself with said helpful classmate, but I totally didn't wait long enough for the camera to flash. This shot is the result of my impatience: Marci, Ashley, Mandy (all seated) and Chris W. (headlessly standing).

The twice-aforementioned helpful classmate (George F.) was eventually rewarded by having his picture taken with The Tauz, after sharing a laugh at my moment of dumbassery.

Mandy is awesome and I miss her! It was very good fun reminiscing about William Faulkner and other dirty mnemonic devices we and our study group came up with to help us pass Mrs. Schultz' English mid-term and final.

Ziva (formerly known as Jamie) the dance phenom strikes a pose with her goofy classmate from back in The Day.

And last, but not least, these two share a last name, and Mandy wanted a picture with her "sibling". First Tom looks goofy...

...and then sincere. Aww.

But then there were the ones that I (due to my late-onset A.D.D.) didn't get pictures with.... These are just some of the people I caught up with during the night.

1) Ryan R. and his lovely wife.
2) Mary Beth and her hubby.
3) Teresa Y.
4) Carol P.
5) Trisha C.
6) Toscha S.
7) Buck (Jon)
8) Andy S.
9) Brian N.
10) Chris W.
11) Shanna and her husband Nick
12) Chris B.
13) Joey S.
14) Brianne (used-to be S.)
15) Susie G.
16) Krista M.
17) Joe E.
18) Evan K. (our gracious host)

..and many more.

Anyways, the entire night, as I said before, was very surreal. It's amazing to see how people progress along different paths in life. I remember being impressed at what some of my classmates chose as careers; some of their titles sound so grown-up that I was taken aback more than once. Like, "Whoa! This chick who played trombone in the band with me is now a freakin' super-smartypants engineer type-person."

Damn.

And keeping that in mind, some of these are the same people who decided to play Beer Pong and Flip-Cup at our Reunion.

Thaaaaaat's right, folks. I believe the going word for that one was... "Classy." My buddy Chris brought the pong balls and cups. He told me that on three separate occasions throughout the night, people called this move "classy".

Say what you will about it, but at least people were having fun, right?

A decent amount of people showed up, too. We graduated in a class of 264-ish and there had to be at least 100 people there, including spouses/dates.

Of course, some looked way better than you'd have expected, some looked a bit worse for wear, and quite a few looked pretty unchanged. I certainly won't name names, but we all know that we have these thoughts, and I couldn't help but turn mine into a harmlessly pointless observation paragraph like this. Mission accomplished.

So, throughout the night, I experienced a few mentionable Small World Moments...

I found out that Ryan R. and his wife apparently live, like, less than 5 minutes away from me.

I discovered that Shanna works down the street from where my college roommate lives in Pittsburgh, and that her husband works in the school district where a former college flame/current good friend attended high school.

And, although not necessarily a Small World Moment, Chris B. told me he checks out The Tauz Blaug "once in a while", which I found to be supremely cool. Thanks for letting me know, dude. I love hearing that people are entertained by my musings here.

In addition to the SWMs, I also found that I have connections to people all over the damn place. The next time I head outta York, I'm gonna have to send out a few messages to herald my arrival.

Let's see... I have to let Wendy know when I head to Hershey. I have to give Shanna and Nick a heads up when I'm in The 'Burgh. Teresa Y. and Carol P. might be notified the next time I head to Philly. Gretch always gets a holler from me when I hit up our nation's capital. And if I ever get out of the TriState Area, Mandy lives out in Schenectady, NY and deserves a visit. Another place I should go is Charleston, so that Chris W. can show me what's fun in that town. He also wants me to meet the love of his life, so I'm sure it'll be good times, whenever it actually happens.

And of course, in addition to those that I haven't really seen in the last decade, I refreshed the friendships I have kept, like Ashley G., Gretchen K., Wendy (yes... you both get double-mentions!), and Tom. I see most of them at least once a year or so, and this totally counted as one of those occasions. It's always fun when we get together, and this was no exception!

Also over the course of the night, I had a very sobering realization: Facebook is winning the war of Internet Social Networking Sites over MySpace, and it may be time for The Tauz to become a dual-user.

Ugh.

As if I don't neglect all of my Internet Presences already... I mean, seriously. I got an anonymous comment on my last entry encouraging me to post this entry... I could guess who it was, but it's not important. It was drafted when you left your comment, Mystery Classmate, just not polished, but it's here, now... a mere two weeks after the described event. Record time!

So, besides the weird self-conscious feelings I mentioned (much) earlier, the only bad thing that happened that night of the Reunion, was the end.

And NO. I'm not going the sappy route and saying that I never wanted that night to end. I know I can be corny pretty often, but not this time, y'all. Fuck that. Although this reflection has been pretty benign, there were definitely some people there that I truly didn't want to see. So to Hell with the cheesy "it was too good to end" bullshit. That ain't happenin'.

No... the worst part of the night was the after-party, because it was at The Hodle, and I can't stand that place. Especially now, since it's a smoking bar amongst a sea of non-smoking establishments available here in good ol' Southern PA. And I know I'm a giant pussy who hates being in smoky rooms, but I'm not alone.

My sinuses don't much like it, either.

With that in mind, I have to thank Wendy for needing a ride home, for two reasons. The first and foremost reason is that I got to hang out with her and catch up a bit, which is always cool. The second and coincidental reason is that doing so kept me from spending too much time at The Hodle.

After visiting with Wendy and her mom and doggy, Justin and Ashley came to get us to come to the after-party. Wendy wasn't havin' any of that, so we hung out at her mom's for a bit and then Justin, Ash, and I left for the bar at about 1:10am.

Many, many of the people from the Reunion were there, and many, many of them were way hammered by this point. On the plus side, I got to chat with Chris and Gretch and Alana and Brenda while the night was winding down. I then ended up shepherding people into cars with sober drivers before hittin' the northbound bricks myself.

So in summary, it was a good night. Friends. Fun. Foolishness. All were present. And I think I did pretty well during this, my first official Progress Report to My Former Peers.

I'd estimate my score to be...about a...

'98!!

When you think of The Tauz Blaug...

2008-12-06T04:50:00.003-05:00

I thought this was hilarious enough to make a quick post about it...

(Also, I had a great deal of Coca-Cola late in the evening, so I'm still incredibly awake...)

I left a comment on a friend's wordpress blog tonight, and, even though both the comment and blog topic were rather serious, something happened after I posted my comment that was, I thought, pretty damn funny.

I linked my name to The Blaug, and when I dragged my mouse over the link, one of those little preview pop-up windows, well... um, you know...popped up. Inside the window, it treated The Tauz Blaug like a real website and aggregated what it thought were some related topics and listed them as links in the bottom of the window, like so:

Heh.

To me, literally translated, that picture says, "Tauzin says, 'Haircut, Tupperware, gluten... (slight pause) ...ponytail, police officer, hairdos.'"

Tupperware?!? It pulled that out of all the random words in those most recent entries as a "related topic"?!?

Nice.

I mean... most of the others make a bit more sense.

I do often mention my hair (which just got cut recently. I'm not 'froing it much anymore... I've gone flatter until further notice.)

And the Gluten-Free thing comes up once in a while, so that's understandable...

...but the police officer and Tupperware(TM) are mere casual mentions and one-off jokes that are not mentioned often enough to be deemed "Related Topics" to the things that I blather on about for my friends and family to read about here.

But think about it! Where else would you see those completely random nouns grouped together? WHERE?!? Such is the experience that I give to you, my The Tauz Blaug Faithful.

Speaking of which... fear not; for there is another entry in the works already. (Like I said... I'm incredibly awake.)

Anyways... that's it. Just thought that random list of "Related Topics" was worth a giggle.

And if you're not satisfied with that, just go back and read that list over again, then think about me. I bet you'll chuckle. If not, just scroll down to that horrible fucking picture of me with that terrible, terrible mustache.

At least that'll get you goin'.

Why do I do shit like this?

2008-11-04T00:25:00.002-05:00

The short answer is: cuz it's funny.

The more Tauz-like, circuitous, Blaug-entry-type answer begins with a counterpoint question:

Why didn't I do this three days ago?

This morning when I got up, I looked relatively normal:

I'd grown in my beard so that I could have a "canvas" to work with for Halloween. I was hoping to find the perfect costume to go along with my beard this season, but when the time came, I fell short.

I ended up doing a half-assed "variation" on last year's Qui-gon Jinn costume; I went as Obi-Wan... sorta. I wore the same outfit as last year, only I didn't have the long Qui-Gon hair. I also still had a green lightsaber, so I wasn't really Obi-Wan. It was more like a version of Obi-Wan who'd been robbed blind by jawas and then forced to dig his dead master's clothes and light saber out of the tupperware storage boxes in the back of his Jedi closet.

It was not a proud Halloween costume for The Tauz, folks.

The real tragedy here, though, is that it could have been another legendary showing. If I'd carved out the caterpillar for the occasion and instead drawn my inspiration from famous mustachioed men of the world, it would have been a proud day. If only I'd removed my beard, I would have had such illustrious choices!

I could have made Jansky proud and gone as Magnum P.I.

I could have done it up right... (Burt)Reynolds-style.

I could have taken dear, sweet Anna's advice and gone as Borat. (In a suit, not the green Speedo, though.)

I could have drawn on some personal family history and gone as my dad from 20 years ago.

Or I could have mined the gold of the most decadent of eras - the '70s:

Porn Star.

Police Officer.

Or Porn Star Police Officer Buck Longdonger.

The list goes on and on... Alas, it was not to be.

Instead, I am forced to attach this Stunt 'Stache to the election.

So...the Election 'Stache wants you to go vote. So... you should do that, cuz I have a mustache, and people listen to people with mustaches. Right?

The Tauz's Hairstory

2008-10-12T23:50:00.002-04:00

**Disclaimer**
I wrote this soon after my haircut, which happened this past summer. The delayed post is mostly due to the fact that I wanted to put more pictures of my hairdos from over the years in it, but I'm simply too lazy to find, scan, and embed those photos. Hence the extreme delay in posting this. SO... here it is in all its limited-picturey glory.
**End Disclaimer**

So... I've always kinda been known for my...interesting choice of hairdos. I might even go so far as to say Weird Hair has become a Trademark of The Tauz. It's kinda my thing. As a matter of fact, I'd rank "That Guy with the Weird Hair" right up there with other common descriptive phrases for The Tauz, such as

"Goofy Bastard"
"Unhealthily Skinny Dude"
"Lanky Guy"
"Stunningly Handsome Man"
"Loveable Asshole"
"Pretty Big Dork"

Oh! And "Sweary Motherfucker". Can't forget that one. And Weird Hair has always been something that has always been easy for me to do. I love my hair, in almost all of the forms and shapes it has taken over the years. And one of the reasons that I love my hair, especially when it's in a style that is classified as Weird Hair, is that it gets me attention.

There. I said it.

I like attention.

And if you know me, you probably came to that realization long ago. But my hair has been garnering comments from friends, foes, and strangers alike for quite some time now.

Back in 1st Grade I had a Rat Tail. Not a horribly long one, but a Rat Tail, nonetheless. My mom had me convinced that it was cute. I still believe that to this day, even against my better judgment. The following picture is not me, nor was mine ever this hideous, long, or voluptuous.

The next significant style to adorn my noggin was the Mullet. For this, along with the next disastrous 'do on the list, I can rightfully place the blame squarely on my brothers' shoulders. Since they were older than me, they were automatically cooler than me. And whatever they did, I wanted to do. So when they went Business in Front, Party in Back, guess who totally wanted to do that too. That's how we ended up with this gem of a family photo:

THAAAT'S RIGHT. I posted it. This damn photo, which was taken for our church directory, has become legendary both in our family and amongst my friends. My mom LOVES this picture, probably because she looks nice in it. A bit 80s, but nice. And Dad hasn't ever really given an opinion on the picture. He had that caterpillar on his lip for like, 20 years, and I think he carried it well. I'm pretty sure he loved that mustache, but he ditched it when it turned to salt and pepper and hasn't looked back since.

But the boys are mortified by it. Correction: I used to be. Now I own it. I put it on a T-shirt and I wear that T-shirt ALL THE TIME. I made Jeff and Mark T-shirts, too, but for some reason I never see them wearing theirs. Weird, right?

See, Jeff's was pretty much all purty curls. Mark's was straight and supremely feathery. And mine, which is unfortunately (or cleverly?) hidden in the shadows (even though I always point mine out when someone asks about the picture on my shirt), is an interesting hybrid of theirs. Mine was straight until it ended in a ducktail full of curls. And all three were wicked-long. We were a Triumvirate of Tauzin Tresses. A Hierarchy of Hockey Hair. Captains of the Ape-Drape. Nobody could step to us.

Hair-wise, that is.

Larry and Ruthy tried by dressing their girls in matching outfits once in a while at mass on Sundays... but they had NAWTHIN' on us.

Hair-wise, that is.

The day that the clippers claimed Mark's mop, I wanted mine gone, too. He had gone to the Bowl-Cut, so I went along with him. I wanted mine skaterized, though. You know... let the all-one-length locks grow long, but lift them up and shave it underneath? Whoever cut Jeff's hair got it right. He had the classic 90s Skater-Do, complete with high ponytail. Mark, too, but his was much shorter, sans ponytail, and much less Skater, and more... well, "professional" isn't the right word, but it's the one I've chosen to use.

I, however, had more of a "Dorothy Hamill" look. (The following picture is not me...it's Dorothy Hamill. I'm sad that I thought I had to clarify that for you.)

It was my awkward period, what can I say? I thought it looked cool. It wasn't exactly what I wanted, but I wore it like it was. I grew that shit out, parted it in the middle, and wore bandannas as headbands.

Turns out, all that made me totally look like a girl. Woops. Call it unfortunate timing. (It calamitously coincided with the onset of puberty.) Call it poor judgment. (Many told me it looked bad, especially Mom and Dad.) Whatever it was, it was not good.

I even got called a girl once, to my face, by mistake, by one of the lunch ladies who saw me every day at school. She genuinely thought I was a teenage female for quite some time, and one day, addressed me as such. Shame of shames. You would think that that might have been a turning point, but I don't remember it prompting me to go home and demand a haircut that night or anything drastic like that.

I eventually toned down the length and went "normal" for a while. But by the end of my senior year, I had let it grow kinda shaggy. It was during this time that I also was shootin' to sprout some sideburns. I didn't have a lot of luck with that, but I was still shootin' for it. I was also still sadly lacking in the facial hair department, but that came along in college. (Shut up! Mom says I'm just a late bloomer, that's all.) (Jerk.)

During this time, there was a picture in my Sr. Yearbook in which I looked like a pre-pubescent Wolfman. I love that picture. When I saw it, I thought I looked ridiculous, but totally sweet at the same time. I kinda liked the wildness of the pseudo-fro I was starting to get. But I went back to the trimmed-up and classy look.

I got one last haircut before I went off to start at IUP in August of '98 (98!!). I didn't get a haircut until I came home for Thanksgiving break in November. That was probably the longest I'd ever gone without a trim at the time. I came home with the now-famous White Boy 'Fro for the first time, and WOW.

Talk about attention? Family. Friends. Neighbors. It was craziness. I think I got it trimmed a bit over the break, but I'm pretty sure I let it go until the end of spring semester after that. At some point, my roommate Eep got his hands on the head-on and profile pictures I had taken before I got my wig busted. He made it into a mugshot composite with the caption "Wanted for Excessive Hair". I can't find the file, otherwise it'd be up here.

It. Was. Fucking. Brilliant.

A classic moment, for sure.

I totally dig my 'Fro. It's just fun. It feels good. People love it. I love it. It's great. So I stuck with that throughout college, enduring the varying lengths and wavering levels of controlability. I have documentation of it being long and bushy enough to fully conceal an entire Bic pen in there, from front to back. It was a favorite gag of mine, in the Fro's heyday.

Alas, I figured that the fun couldn't last. Around the time I had to start interviewing for internships I went back to a more conservative look, with hair gel and everything. But after graduation, when I got my job where they didn't really mind some unruly hairdos around the office, and I was dating a girl who liked longer hair, all bets were off.

I grew it out to about the same length I'd had it in college, but this time it had curls and waves. And I had facial hair. And nobody really mistook me for a girl. (At least not to my face.) And it was awesome. And it got outta control, in the best way possible.

But then I challenged some crazy Youth Ministry group to raise a buttload of money, and if they did, they could shave my head. Mark and Duffy were put on the chopping block as well; Mark's hair was a little bit shorter than mine, but not by much, and since Duffy shaves his head voluntarily, he put his ample amount of leg hair on the line.

Of course the kids blew by all of the goals and got to cut all three of us down to the follicles. We even got coverage from a certain local news program. As a matter of fact, that happened to be the first show that Big Bro Jeff produced by himself at the station (he worked in the news department at the same station where I still work). His little brothers' free haircut event was his very first kicker story! Pretty cool, eh?

As for The Shavening, it was a very liberating feeling, having a shaved head. All exposed and sensitive, my head was free! Despite being against the whole idea of my hair getting shorter, Whitney knitted me a lightweight cap to wear, so my scalp wouldn't have to feel so naked. I enjoyed the feeling of the shorn-do. And after the stage during which I looked like a victim of some sort of political imprisonment or something, I don't think I looked too bad with extremely short hair.

When I went home that evening, and I showed Maman Sibyl, (my grandmother who was living with Mom and Dad at the time), she cried a little bit. I had gone from one extreme that she didn't like, to the other that she also didn't like. It was really kinda cute, but I felt bad for making her cry. She was happy to see it grow back to normal lengths, though, in the coming months.

And grow it did! I didn't get it cut for a long, long time after The Shavening. I only got it trimmed once, for an occasion in March of 2006. But between June 2005 and July 2008, that was the only haircut I got, and this is how long it got:

It was definitely long enough to donate an nice, purty ponytail to Locks of Love, which was one reason I'd let it grow for so long. As you can see below, the donation was a healthy 10 inches.

I decided to get the chop because it just kinda felt like the right time to do it. For one, I found that summers are waaay hotter with a shit-ton of hair on your head. And I'd already put it to entertaining and neck-damagingly good use at a couple of awesomely fun wedding receptions.

I kinda wish I would have been able to stand to keep it around for the rest of the summer, though for a few reasons: There were 4 more weddings I had to go to after The Cut. Some of my friends hadn't seen it in a few months. My license picture would have been amazing if I'd had my hair long for it, and that's coming up this month.

Plus, attending the Rush and Linkin Park concerts just didn't feel right with short hair. I felt that I'd limited my way of expressing my appreciation of how much each band rocked me. It was as if I were a painter who'd been working with acrylics for a couple of years and then I suddenly ran out of paints, so I switched to pencils, but then got really inspired by something, so the product of said inspiration was not as good as it could have been, had I still been using acrylics. It was still decent art, but it could have been a fuckin' masterpiece. Oh well.

Not that I regret doing it, though. I stand by my decision to de-lengthify my coif. And I was getting hints from certain friends that it was getting ridiculously too long. This, for example, was posted on the "Want Ad" Board in both of the local grocery stores that I frequent:

I did owe it to Whitney, though, to give her a crack at playing and styling it before the wig got busted, since she has always been a big supporter of The Long Hair Look. So I let her know when the cut was set to happen and we set up a night when she could come over and hang out with my hair. She came over and brushed, braided, twisted, and did all sorts of crazy shit with my locks one night during the week before the big day. Much fun was had, even though it frequently felt like she was trying to rip my temples off, one square centimeter at a time.

This was the best thing she did:

Here's another cool shot, pre-cuttage:

So, without too much fanfare or any real warning (with the obvious exception of this Night of Crazy Braids), I scheduled an appointment (back at the end of July) with longtime stylist to The Tauz Fam, Stephanie. Serendipitously, Big Bro Mark had an appointment that week, and she had an open spot right after his, so I had a built-in camera man! Cool beans, eh? Plus, it was only fitting that the man who probably nourished the seedling Weird Hair tendencies in me would be there for this momentous Hair Happening.

After all this buildup, here it is. Teh Actual Haircut:

A few things to mention about the vid:

1)Ha. Ha. Yes, my hair is thick, but no saws were necessary, smarty-pantses.

2)That shit did take forever to cut through, though. Right?

3) Yes, I know Stephanie repeatedly said "Beckman" instead of "Beckham", and I didn't have the heart to correct her on-site. But we can overlook her slip-up because she's hilarious and she gives good haircuts and we love her. Studio Cuts in York, PA, y'all...look her up and tell her you know me. Then you can talk about how funny you both mistakenly think I am. Love her.

4) Big Bro Mark and I share a moment when we both say "Nice." at the same time, and in the same tone. Brilliant.

5) Big Bro Mark's Billy Crystal reference/impression. Old-school, bro!

6) "Everybody's Got a Hungry Heart" by Bruce Springsteen is playing in the background. Amazing.

I loved the "stacked wedge" look on me. I mention that I think I look like one of the Geico cavemen, although I'm much more stylish. But I think Posh Beckham wears that style way better than I ever could, so I opted to go back to the 'fro look. It suits me better, I think. Plus it's WAY easy to take care of.

The classics never die, but who knows what look might be next in this ongoing saga of The Tauz's Hairstory...

The Gayest Blaug Entry to Date...

2008-10-07T03:00:00.004-04:00

My good friend and good co-worker, Tony is bailing.

And although this tribute will not be as brief, insight-filled, nor as hilarious as either of the ones that Joe wrote at the office earlier this week, it's the least I could do for my soon-to-be-former compatriot. I also kept it mostly swear-free, just for him.

I think his departure simultaneously sucks and rules.

It sucks for me, for our department, our gang of workie-friends, and, to a lesser degree, Tony. Mostly because our Guitar Hero and Rock Band Bands now have to break up...

But it simultaneously rules (in an obviously greater degree than the suckage) for Tony and his wonderful and completely awesome family, as it means that he can further his career and they can be closer to family while their son, Bryan, grows up. Awesome for them!

But back to how this effects me. As Tony moves his family out to the Philadelphia area, I'm not sure how aware he is of the impact he's had on this skinny little guy he sees at work daily, but...since I've decided to post this candid profession of professional admiration and mostly hetero-guy-love ;^* in this open forum, I'm assured that, at the very least, he'll hit the road to Philly knowing that he'll be missed.

The following gush-fest is not meant to be flattery, but simply how I see it from my humble point of view. Tony's a guy who is amazingly talented in our craft; so much so that I am often in awe of what he can do and how he does it. I've always known that he could design, write, edit, and promote circles around me. And I'm totally cool with that, because having him around has been beneficial to me.

I've learned a lot from just watching him and picking his brain all the damn time on the job, as pictured below.

@@
@@@
_ _@
o\o
-->----oOOo--

Yeah. Creepy. I know.

He always answers my questions like an equal, instead of like an advanced producer talking to a beginner.

He always takes the time to help me out when I ask (unless he's feverishly working to get the sponsors done before 5pm so the board ops will stop bugging him).

And he's quick to throw me a tip if he notices I'm floundering, just like any good co-worker would do.

Also, he will most likely have giggled at the phrase "throw me a tip" in the preceding sentence. If he did not catch it, then I say, "Tsk, tsk, sir."

Having him around has made me a better producer. Athletes surround themselves with their competitors so that they have someone to challenge them to be better. That's what it's like for me to work with Tony, but without the competitiveness. Having him around makes me strive to do better work. To create a better idea than I would have, had I not been trying to keep up with The Guy In Front of Me.

For all of these things, I'd like to publicly thank him.

So... Thanks, Tony.

For all that stuff.

And beyond all that professional crap, he's also made work FUN. (So also...thanks for that, Tony... [if you're still reading].) Not exclusively him, of course, but he definitely helps to keep the atmosphere light. His comedy stylings have kept me in stitches since the day I showed up nearly five years ago and there was a "signed" photo of Jenny Jones on my new desk which read:

Josh-
Jonesin' for you!
--Jenny

So, in honor of the man behind the "You-can-judge-a-friend's-worth-by-the-amount-of-in-jokes-you-share-Theory", here's a giant block of some stuff I thought of as a shout-out to The Man, The Myth, The Icon (TM)... The Tony:

He's the guy who cracks me up on a daily basis. The dude who invited me across the street to watch The O.C. every Thursday, just so we could love-hate on it together. The HARDCORE Guitar Hero ROAWKERRR. Wii-owner. The Man who came up with spelling "blog" with an "au", and thereby finding a golden branding scheme for me. The guy whose wedding I was honored and excited to go to. The guy who rarely ever holds back what he's thinking, irregardless of the consequences. The guy who ran outta gas on the way back from lunch. My Cowboys Homeboy. Heh...a Side-Talker:

The co-chef of the Manly Man Meal for Men. The dude who noticeably drops outta the conversation nearly every time comic books become the main topic. My Blue-Shirt Buddy. The hoster of many uber-late-night Game Nights. A guy who reminds me of Clyde Collins for some reason... One of Murray's Food Apes. The dude who I tried to start developing a card game about the people around our office with. Macintosh enthusiast. Melissa's Cinder-fella, who (along with said awesome wife) went out of their way many times to make Gluten-Free alternatives for me in their home. The World's Worst Football Analyst (or so he claims...). The living, breathing Simpsons reference book. He who coined the phrase, "Through which the door was intended to be come." My former Temporary Roommate. The Endearingly Flaming Liberal. The dude who taught me a few elementary HTML codes.

And last, but most definitely not least, the other Joe-ette.

>>The Tauz turns to camera, addressing Tony directly.<<

I'm gonna miss the hell outta you, bro. I bet you and Melissa will find Thursday nights won't be quite the same without me showing up at 9 and eating dinner on your big comfy chair while laughing too loudly at most of the jokes on The Office.

However, I am sincerely glad that you, Melissa, Bryan, and Murray (and even Bailey, I guess) don't have to live in that apartment complex anymore. I'm also, retrospectively, sorry if my living in that same apartment complex had any influence upon you guys moving there in the first place. (Heh...my bad, yo.) I wish you nothing but luck and good fortune in Market 4. I know you can handle it. Hard.

This was not meant to be a permanent goodbye, although it kinda turned out feeling like one. It was supposed to be a "Thank You" and an "I'll Miss You, Dogg" kinda thing.

Go kick some fuckin' Philadelphian ass, and we'll see you at the next Game Night.

Word.

TEE-ONY.....OUT!

Sweet Tweet Release...

2008-09-23T11:30:00.002-04:00

After a long and controversial stint, I have finally reached an Incredibly Trivial Goal:

That's right. I haven't updated my Twitter for exactly a year today. The last time I tweeted, I was in Arizona... which means that I was in Arizona a year ago.

...which also means that I still haven't finished the Blaug entries for my trip to see Jeff and Terry from over a year ago, causing my Blaug Laug on Blogger to look like this:

The Blaugging Arizona thing bugs me. Maybe I'll just post those in the coming week(s) as-is, plus a few of the cooler pictures, just for a sense of closure.

As for the Twitter thing, I used to think Twitter was pretty useless, but now I think it can be useful and interesting, so I've flip-flopped. The funny thing about it, though, is that I flopped my opinion on it, like, 4 months ago, but by then, I had decided to wait until my last Tweet hit the 365 day mark. So I sweated it out and finally the day has come. Now this is what I'm currently doing, as of just now:

Whoopty-doo!

The Tauzda Has Landed

2008-09-08T01:17:00.009-04:00

I bought a new car Saturday.

I love it.

It's a 2008 Mazda 3, 5-door, manual transmission.

And it's black.

Like the night.

I love it.

A few weeks ago, I was sitting at the light outside of my old apartment, when the couplings that connect the gearshift to the clutch (or something like that) in my legendary '97 Saturn busted. Luckily, I was less than 1,000 feet from the Saturn dealer, so I drifted in and had them service it the next morning. However, the mechanic told me that "someone has been pretty rough on that clutch", (heh...my bad, sir...) and that it wouldn't last more than 6 months.

>>Gulp<<

I knew the day was coming when I'd hit the "Diminishing Return" mark on that old blue heap... and it just so happened that this was the death knell for my faithful steed of over a decade.

So, after Dad tossed a bunch of research materials at me, and I looked over them for a week or so, Big Bro Mark and I went car shopping around York. My short list included the Mazda 3 hatchback and the Honda Fit. So we hit the Mazda place first. We walked around for nearly 25 minutes and nobody talked to us.

No. That's not true... One salesman who was with other customers commented on my Thundercats shirt in passing, but he remained busy the whole time. There was another associate who was lounging around, but he never made any attempt to talk to us or even make eye contact with us. So, disappointed, we made off for the Honda dealership. I was perturbed, because the Mazda was what I really wanted, and I didn't even get to drive one. Thanks, dicks.

But...off we went, only to suffer another crushing defeat! The Fit, it turns out, is extraordinarily awesome, and cheap, and, therefore, is in outrageously high demand. The salesman said they're sold out in the tri-state area. Not only sold out, but pre-sold out. (WHAT?!?) They had a shipment of about 20 coming in soon, and all but one of them already had a name attached to it...(SERIOUSLY??!??!1?) and that one was not a manual, which was what I wanted.

So, then we went next door to the Subaru dealer, because Mark really likes his wagon, and he wanted me to check out their smaller hatchbacks. So we did: I drove an Outback Sport, which was really nice. But I wasn't ready to buy yet, even though the salesman was very nice. Hugh was his name, and he hailed from New England, and when he spoke of the Imprezas, it came out "Imprezer". I liked Hugh, but I wanted to go back to the Mazda place for a second try.

When we got there, we approached the cigarette-smoking herd of salesmen outside and one of them stepped up and asked us what we wanted. Manny let Mark and I take a 4-door Mazda 3 (not really what I wanted to buy) out for a spin, even though they were closing soon. It was also a nice ride, but I wasn't feelin' it. And Mark and I were less than impressed with the attention we were garnering from the staff. Daunted, we gave up for the day. Thanks again, dicks.

The following Thursday, I asked Dad if he wanted to go out shopping with me on Saturday, and we decided that we'd head out to Hanover to check the Mazda and Honda places out there, and maybe even the Toyota place to look at some Scions. Then, if we were feeling plucky, we might head to Maryland or Reading.

Turns out, we didn't have to go farther than Hanover. But we did go on the Saturday when the remnants of Hurricane Hanna were rolling through central PA, dumping an ass-ton of storm on us. And the roads to Hanover are all backroadsy and stuff, so I was white-knuckling for a while on the drive out in the Saturn.

Anyways, we go to the Mazda place just before 10am and were greeted by Steve, who kinda reminded me of the guy from Office Space who tried to commit suicide in his garage because he was going to get fired. You know...

Bob:"What would you say.... ya do here?"

That guy: "I'm a people person, dammit!"

Yeah. That was Steve, but he was a tad cooler than that character from the movie.

I told him what I was looking for, and they had two manual hatchbacks on the lot. One was a new blue-green '08 with standard Touring features, and the other was a "used" black one with the Grand Touring features.

I drove the blue-green one first, and I really liked it. It was the first time I'd gotten to drive what I actually wanted to get, so it was pretty cool. When we got back, Steve asked how I liked it and I said "It was nice. Good ride. Feels good. What about the black one?"

As Dad and I were walking out to hop into the black one, a younger salesman who was sitting by the door we were heading through quipped,"That's the car, man!" As if to say "Yo, that's one hot piece of shit you're about to go test-drive, man." Maybe he was trying to help Steve sell me this car by saying that. Maybe he really thought it was a sweet ride. Either way, it totally swayed me into liking this one a bit more, even before I put my foot on the pedals.

So, off we went in the black one, Dad and I. It was nice. Real nice. A few minutes down the road, Dad said, "So this is the one you're gonna buy, huh?" I guess I had a look on my face or something.

This one was marked down because it was "used". A lady came and had them custom order this car from them, and then traded in her RAV-4. Two weeks later, she came back and demanded her RAV-4 back, and traded in the Mazda, because it was "too small". What a dumbass. But what a saint. If this car hadn't been "used", I wouldn't have been able to afford it. I love that idiotic woman, wherever she may be. Since she'd traded it in, the dealership was letting one of their managers drive it back and forth from home, so it had less than 4,000 miles on it when I test drove it.

When we pulled back in to the dealership, we sat down with Steve and started talking numbers, which is not my forte, in case you hadn't noticed. And in addition to numbers, it was responsible-person numbers. Like, grown-up situation numbers. Important shit numbers. And they were all big. Put all that together, and I usually end up in the fetal position. At one point, Steve was waiting for me/us to give him some feedback on the numbers he was showing us, and I said,"I have problems deciding what cereal to eat in the morning, sir. So you can imagine what this is like for me."

Dad told him that we were going to go down to the Honda lot to check out the Fits, and Steve asked what he could do to get us to NOT go. Dad told him, and he had to go "talk to his manager". Haha! I thought that used car salesmen only said that in sitcoms. He returned with a slightly lower number, and Dad talked him down one more time and then we had a deal.

Once the deal was made, we still had a lot of shit to do. We had to switch my insurance, get new tags, and we had to get Mom up to Hanover with the title to the Saturn, because it was her and Dad's car that we were trading in. But, Hanna was trying to bully Mom into not coming. Mom said there were recyclable bins floating down Main Street when she turned at the light in Market Square. Luckily, Mom made it safely to the dealership and everything went smoothly from there.

Next up was the ordeal of getting all of my shit outta the Saturn and into my hot new vehicle.

Remember when I "got rid" of all of that shit from my old apartment? Well...yeah...I got rid of some of it, but there were still some leftovers in my trunk from that whole situation. I hadn't gone to Goodwill to drop off the broken stuff yet, so that was all still in my car. We transferred that clutter, and the glove compartment had a bunch of little things, and the armrest compartment's stash. I took my "crispy Christian clip" and my "Your Mom" patch down off of my visors, as well as my Dragon Balls from my rear-view mirror. I'm not sure any of the kitschy stuff will find a home in my new car, but you never know...

I bade a fond farewell to the ol' Saturn...(it might have included a certain finger being hoisted at it, had it not been my Mom taking the pic, even though that old plastic bucket o' bolts and I shared some epic moments, and it treated me better than I deserved for a while...)

I was sad about not taking down my DC Universe pins out of my ceiling, though.

I left them in there because they were holding up the ceiling liner, so it wouldn't droop into the view of the driver. They were free, so I left 'em in there. There was one that was technically a collectible, but oh well. I'll likely be able to get more at the end of this month when we hit the Baltimore Convention. Woot.

Details about the car that make me happy:

It's mine
7-Speaker Bose sound system >>spooge!!<<
Moon roof
Black leather seats
Heated front seats
2.3 L engine
All-weather floor mats
Traction control
Auxiliary-in port for iPod
6-Disc CD changer
Xeon lights (I'm on the fence about this, because I hate those on other cars, cuz they hurt my eyes, but I'm becoming a fan of my own...)
Oh...and did I mention the 7-Speaker Bose sound system >>re-spooge!!<<

Back in the day, Big Bro Jeff had a Mazda 626. He also had a nickname: Nauz. (He still answers to this name to this day.) Juxtaposing these two bits into one, Jeff drove the Nauzda. It only seems fitting that I, in an effort to continue this silly idea of self-branding everything to do with me as "The Tauz", while also trying to honor the Tauz-Fam Mazda predecessor, shall call my new, beautiful car "The Tauzda".

I love it so much that I gave it a hug! Here's to good times yet to come in my new kickass ride...

(P.S.- I will post more pic's later this week, too.)

Get "The Skinny" on The Move (or The Skinny Guy Moves)

2008-08-26T01:20:00.003-04:00

At the end of July, I moved out of my apartment that I shared with Loban and I moved back in with Molyneaux. We're back in the same general area where we lived the first time we were roomies, which is cool. I'm closer to work, Mark & Laura's, Mom & Dad's, church, and vball.

However, the move was poorly planned, because I blindly told my old apartment complex that I'd be out on the 31st. Bad idea, because it turns out that the 31st was a Thursday, which means that I had to burn a vacation day at work to move. Plus, instead of using giving myself a full weekend, I had to do it all in one day and go back to work the next day, most likely sore and tired. Smooth move, ex-lax. It also meant that not many people could help out. Catie (Molyneaux's lady) chipped in HARDCORE by:

1) Also taking the day off.
2) Showing up way early in the morning to help move my shit around...
3) with my parents, who she doesn't exactly know too well.
4) She brought her parents' giant pickup truck, Bessie the Beast.

She (Catie) rules. I still owe her for all that, but I WILL make good.

Meanwhile, Mom and Dad also performed saintly amounts of cleaning and lifting (respectively) to help me move out of my North Hills apartment that hot Thursday. They also rule. While Dad and I hauled, lifted, cajoled and packed things into (family friend Sean's Chevy truck)Big Red and Bessie (a match made in heaven, by the way), Mom continued packing my things into boxes and cleaning things that Loban and I had never even thought about cleaning.

After one major shipment to the new place that included both mega-trucks and Dad's Caddy all shoved fulla my toys and furniture and Gluten-Free food, we were largely done. With a big, sweaty hug and an even bigger "Thank You", we cut Catie and Bessie loose and kept packing for one final trip.

Mom cleaned so much that day that she made me promise to be better at keeping up with cleaning in the future. "At least once a week" was what she suggested. I talked her down to "Once a month, with her help". It could actually happen, but again...that remains to be seen.

Once we got to the new place, they saw how scuzzy the previous tenants had left it, and were pretty disgusted. Turns out, they'd been living there for SEVEN YEARS. Do you know how much crud accumulates on walls, windows, ceiling, carpets and doors in that amount of time?

An uncleanable amount. That's how much.

Oh. And they had cats. And you should know how I feel about those creatures by now...

So, even after cleaning and lifting for the whole day, my parents and I set to purifying my room and parts of the kitchen in my new place. Dad and I wiped down the textured walls with Spic n Span, as well as all of the door and window frames, the vents, windows, and window sills. (Cue Leon Phelps voice:) Uh, yeah... that was nayasssty.

Once we felt I might be able to breathe a minimal amount of cat dander in my sleep, Dad and I threw in the towel. Meahwhile, Mom had wiped out a bunch of cabinets in the kitchen, cleaned up the stove, and de-crustified the kitchen windowsill.

Long day, and there's much more cleaning to be done, to this day. I only just got my furniture in my room arranged as I want it to be this past weekend. I also just got around to vacuuming up the clumps of cat hair in the carpet on the stairs in the basement that the pro carpet cleaners left behind for us. The place is finally starting to feel more like home, now, and less like a place where cats used to live.

Now, I've been lugging some...items around from apartment to apartment since college. Some of these things have been proudly displayed and used, while being notoriously hated on by various people. Others have gone undisplayed or unused for quite some time. And it is with a heavy, but more mature, heart that I must say that some of these things... didn't make the move with me this time. Below is a tribute to the shit that got left behind.

Alcohol Souvenirs from The Tauz's College days at IUP. A meager display, but remember how much it takes to get me hammered... (I'm pretty sure that the Bud Ice bottle was the first beer I drank at the S.H.I.T. House.)

Did you know that a yearlong subscription to Maxim forms a picture of a hot lady when the spines are all lined up in order?

An assload of Entertainment Weekly magazines that got donated to the Ronald McDonald House recycling program.

Frog toilet seat cover that was a gag gift to me from Elana M., a friend, neighbor, and Retreat-goer.

A water-damaged old shoe rack that had acted as our magazine rack in the bathroom.

The beanbag chair that I got in high school because Wal*Mart sold them for cheap, and because Molyneaux had one, and I liked tie-dyed stuff. Also, this is one of the rainbow-colored items around my dorm room that, upon seeing them before he met me, caused Eep to think that the roommate he was about to move in with was gay.

DVD player/reciever that I bought with my Carrabba's cash-money. It busted after I'd owned it for less than 4 years. If you look closely, you can see a reflection of me bidding it a fond farewell.

This is my first toolbox. I got it as a gift from Mom and Dad in 2000. I almost tossed this thing, but then realized that it is only missing a functioning hammer and screwdriver. I ended up keeping it.

A friend gave me this as a Christmas gift in college, when I was going through my "I love everything Scooby-Doo" phase. This was a cookie jar that was actually pretty cool, for a while. It never actually housed any cookies, though. And it had Scrappy-Doo on it, so that kinda sucked. A nice gesture, but I probably should've gotten rid of this long ago.

Here are more things that I got as gifts during the aforementioned phase... sooo much Scooby stuff...

These are the rollerblades I found in the room that was to be mine at The S.H.I.T. House when we moved in. The dudes who'd lived there previously had been on the IUP ice hockey team, and apparently didn't want these anymore. Rick and I both used them a few times while we lived in Indiana. Also, during "The Night We Got Bored and Glued Shit Together Using a Leftover Tube of Caulk," I glued Yuengling caps to these babies. (I removed the caps before I got rid of them.)

An old printer and a slightly embarrassing collection of VHS tapes

This was the first lava lamp globe I ever owned, and I'm pretty sure Molyneaux gave it to me cuz he didn't want it, and I found them fascinating.

Another lava lamp that was gifted to me, this time from Mom and Dad.

This be-stickered item was my first stereo system. It was also the first big thing that I actually ever purchased with my own money. Sad to see it go, actually, but the CD player stopped working reliably years ago. Tape deck still works fine, though.

And finally, last, but in no way least: The Comfy Chair

This was a tough one, as you can tell from my expression below. Big Bro Jeff bought this at a yard sale for like, $5 in '97 or so. It was missing one back leg at the time of purchase. He brought it home and knocked off the other leg, so that it leaned waaaay back, but was solid and steady, and, luckily enough...ever so comfortable. I inherited it when Terry refused to let him move it into their place in Altoona. I loved this thing so much that I wrote my first radio script for my radio production class about it.

Many people openly hated The Comfy Chair, and for varied reasons. But they were all chicks, and they just didn't get it, I guess. The love between a man and his shitty possessions is a tough one to comprehend, and it is even harder to get over. But after one of the springs in its meager support system busted, and it had to be relegated to my room, it had never been the same character piece it once was. After saying that I'd fix it for more than two years, I never did. And so I decided that it was time to part ways. Below, is my last tender moment with my beloved Comfy Chair.

I'm seriously totally sad that I made this decision, but now it's gone. All this stuff is gone, but I'll always have the memories. (And now the Blaug entry about them.)

Those responsible have been sacked...

2008-08-20T22:38:00.001-04:00

This past weekend Eep came down for the weekend. The main reason was to go to HersheyPark to celebrate Kristin's "Bachelorette Party" with her bridal party and some of our dear friends from IUP. It was a nice idea, and I was thrilled to spend it with some friends I don't get to see too often, but I ended up getting a killer gluten-induced headache (a fairly new and absolutely horrible thing that's been happening a bunch lately) which ruined a large portion of my experience that day.

Amusement park, indeed.

I snapped this of (l-r) Eep, G, Tuna, Kev and K before both my body and my day were contaminated and left in ruins.

So, unfortunately, I had limited amounts of fun after I ate, but I genuinely hope Kristin and Bob and everyone else had a good time. I'm definitely looking forward to the wedding next month!

Anyways, the next morning, Eep had to roll out before noon, so I got up to see him off. He was just going to leave and grab some food on the road home, but while I was helping him get his stuff out to his car, I locked us out of my place. Nice, right?

Luckily, Molyneaux had been inspired to go out and get some groceries to make breakfast with, and he showed up less than five minutes after Eep and I found ourselves trying (unsuccessfully) to break into my apartment. So Molyneaux turned out to be the savior of the morning on two fronts.

So, while perusing the bakery for some muffins for himself, Eep and Catie, the morning's hero also happened upon a gluten-free treat, tightly nestled in amongst its natural foes, the gluty-laden goodies. These GF brownies were in enemy territory, hiding in plain sight. That's balls.

(Photo courtesy of Molyneaux's 3G iPhone)

Score another point for Molyneaux.

But then I asked where he'd found them, and was utterly confused by his response. See if you can follow my crazy Celiac logic here...

If I'm on a gluten-free diet...

And I don't eat anything with gluten in it because it will ruin my day (see above reference)...

And I don't feel like reminding myself of some of the really tasty things that I can't enjoy anymore (i.e. freshly-made pastries from the bakery, etc)...

And I find myself in the grocery store with a hankering for something sweet...

And I would like to purchase a tasty gluten-free treat for myself...

Where is the last fucking place in the grocery store that I will be looking for such a treat?

Where should I never be able to find a MOTHERFUCKING GLUTEN-FREE BROWNIE??!!?!?!?

...

That is correct. In the motherfucking bakery section.

What. The. Fuck.

Whoever made the brilliant fucking decision to put that delectable gluten-free treat in amongst the long-abandoned, gluten-infested bakery section can eat a dick. You suck, bonehead. You should be sacked immediately.

I'm done now.

So, thanks, Molyneaux, for rescuing that GF brownie for me. It was rather tasty.

A Foolish Declaration

2008-08-19T01:10:00.000-04:00

It's come to my attention that I am letting down The Tauz Blaug Faithful.

There are some who disapprove of me having other things to do, such as...anything outdoors- or sports-related.

There are others who just want to see me write more, because it's seemingly entertaining for them, but mostly because they want me to be happy.

Even though I've never been good at blogging at the speed of life, this whole "I haven't posted anything in over a month" thing even has me ashamed of The Tauz.

So, in what will probably turn out to be a vain effort, I am going to re-establish Monday nights as my Blaug night. I say "re-establish" because back in the days before The Tauz Blaug, I would write blog entries on my myspace blog after watching and being inspired by Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (before it thought it was going to get canceled and the writing went off-track).

I'm gonna try this because I seem to stick to things better when I have a specific day set aside to do whatever thing it is I want/need to do. Like, Tuesday is Volleyball Night. And back in college, I picked the day that I had the fewest classes and that would be my laundry day each week for the whole semester. It totally worked for me, so I'm hoping that this sticks.

But, being self-aware, I know there's always The Tauz Factor to contend with as well. So it may end up fizzling out. We will just have to see...

After tonight, I have a few entries in the works, including an epic one about one of my favorite topics ever. The others are about a few things have kept me busy and away from the keyboard lately: The Return to Queen St., Olympic Volleyball-watching, and Friends' Wedding-Related Activities.

So start getting into the habit of checking in here on Tuesdays, because hopefully I'll get into The Tauz Blaug Monday Night Groove and then stay in it.

Like I stayed in your mom last night. Baaaaahhhhhhng.

So I'll see you next Tuesday, face.

If not sooner.

Summertime Tauz-nado Tour

2008-07-10T01:00:00.006-04:00

Dude. Seriously! This was a Blaug draft that was supposed to turn into a couple of real Blaug Entries, but now it's this:

The following list succinctly takes you on a furious Tauz-nado of information, that starts near the end of May and finishes up in early June...

Retreat is barreling down on us.

Got the call for the Ultimate (Frisbee) draft

Mark got rid of his cats. The night he took them away, I accidentally made him really upset about it and I would like to give a shout-out to Noah and Gracie out of respect for him and them.

Stoner's Anniversary Project seems doomed...

We had a huge party for a few reasons at Mom and Dad's house:
Mark kicked Grad School's ass
Jeff and Terry came home for a bit because...
it was Jeff's birthday
Terry was leaving for an internship in Africa to study native drumming & dances
Scott and Jen got engaged.

Lost's season Finale was amazing.

Tony the Temporary Roommate totally happened.

Here comes Wizard World Philly, BITCH!!

=====

Wow. So I apparently wrote that on May 29th. I hate the fact that I can't keep up with life and The Blaug at the same time...

Here's my new list:

Wizard World Philly was different from last year, but it still kicked ass. Peter David is really cool, and now I have 3 books signed by the man himself!

Venture Bros. Season 3 is great, but not as hilarious as the last two seasons. But I stress...still great.

I joined the Venture Bros. T-Shirt Club...

Ultimate sucks this year cuz I'm not getting the disc AT ALL.

Melfa's wedding was nice. The reception, however... was the shit. It was awesome to see everyone, especially Gretchen L.

Worked on the Slideshow and the following sketch non-stop in the week and a half leading up to Retreat 2008.

I went on my 15th consecutive Retreat. I have officially been going on Retreat for more than half of my life. It was great, as usual, and I got something very different out of it this year than I ever have in the past, which is what I've come to expect from Retreats.

Stoner and Neil came down to work on a DVD for Stoner's 50th Wedding Anniversary, which was the weekend after Retreat. We lost a lot of sleep, but the whole Stoner Family was really happy with the end product. I even got a really nice, hand-written thank you note from Mr. Stoner today.

Terry returned home from Africa, safe, healthy, toned, and malaria-free. And she bought drums. And we had an all-Tauzin Drum Circle at Mark and Laura's. It was friggin' awesome.

We also celebrated July 4th at Mark and Laura's with the whole Spink/Tauzin Clan. We even swam and grilled in the rain.

I helped Loban load all his stuff into a U-Haul truck and sent him off to live in his own house and start/continue his "new life" with his kickass fiancee, Angela. It's been a couple of weeks now, and I miss having him around to chat with and/or "force me" to watch a UFC DVD.

Before he moved out I took it upon myself to take advantage of his big-ass TV one last time. I stayed up until 7:30am to beat Sub-Space Emissary (the storyline part of Super Smash Bros. Brawl). This means that both of the games I've beaten on my Wii have been:

Mario-based.
Beaten during an unnecessarily-long and sleepless playing session.
Played entirely upon the biggest TV I've ever had in my house.

I currently don't have cable TV, so I'm reading the hell out of comic books and trades (I finished up all of the Y: The Last Man trades), I'm starting to play No More Heroes, and I'm watching the SHIT outta some Weeds, Season 3, thanks to Molyneaux.

Speaking of my ever-present polysyllabic chum, he and I found a townhouse to rent beginning in August. His lady actually found it for us (thank you!). We had to go through a rigorous personal interview with our new landlords (the nice, grandparently couple who own the place). After a solid thirty minutes of grilling he and I on our financial and personal situations, we were given the go-ahead to sign a lease. The place is really nice and we're pretty excited to nerd the it up a bit.

So now you're up to date, so quitcher bitchin.

Kit and Tim throw a helluva shin-dig!

2008-05-30T12:30:00.001-04:00

On May 10th, I had the honor to attend my longtime friend Kit's wedding. She married a great dude named Tim, and the week after they got hitched, they took off to live in Indiana while he pursues his Master's degree and she seeks gainful employment. (BTW: She looked absolutely beautiful and they both were wicked-happy all day.) I wish them all the luck in the world, cuz they are teh awesome. I just wish they could be teh awesome while also being closer to here, but life's crazy that way, sometimes.

And speaking of being crazy... their reception was crazy-fun. Mark and Laura were there, and so were Lizzie G. and her fiancee Greg, as well as a few high school buddies I hadn't seen in quite some time. The dinner was good, but the best and most specialest stuff was on the desert table...

Kit's mom made two large plates full of gluten-free cookies and put them out on the table with that little green label. Liz told me about it before dinner was served and I went over and grabbed a few before the disappeared. TOTALLY AWESOME of them to do this for me, at THEIR event!

After dinner was served, I went back up and grabbed a bunch more. When I showed Mark, he said, "Damn, dude. You rank!" It made me feel really great and loved. So, I'd like to take this opportunity to publicly say THANK YOU to Kit and her mom and family for the kind gesture!!

For the rest of the reception, Liz, Greg, Mark, Laura, and Julie Newb and I all kinda held back on the dancing. Kit and Tim made their obligatory rounds and I snapped this shot with the uber-newlyweds.

Our little band of buddies eventually did hit the dance floor to bust some moves. I think it was the YMCA that got us out there initially. I was yearning for some funk to kick it to, and the DJ did eventually oblige. So, yes. The Tauz got his strut on.

And possibly the highlight (or low-point, depending on your P.O.V.) for me, was when Mark and I did the "Catholic Dance" and got about 5 other people to join in with us. This is a really simple dance move that is repeated over and over to the tune of a specific >shudder< Backstreet Boys' song. We learned it from the DJ at the Diocesan social that's held after the Youth Mass on Palm Sunday in Harrisburg. It's completely ridiculous, but if you rub some attitude on it, it gets even worse.

But that's the kind of thing that people will follow, if they're just as shameless as you and your look-alike brother are. At least I know he and I had a good time. I even let my hair down for the song, just to add some unnecessary flair.

After that, I laid kinda low, chatting with Dan, her most excellent brother and good friend of mine. We shared a few laughs, as usual, and talked about how he sucks because he won't be around to help me prepare for Retreat. We also talked about how I forgive him for that, since he's in grad school and trying to better himself, yada yada yada...

All in all, a very good time and a great event. The first of the weddings during The Summer of Weddings in on the books as a complete success! And again...

CONGRATS, KIT AND TIM!!!

The Tauz Gets Douched... Nasally.

2008-05-21T01:28:00.002-04:00

Last week I got hit with some nasty congestion and a cough that I thought were due to my seasonal and animal-related allergies. As it turns out, it was a cold, and last Monday it knocked me on my ASS. I got up feeling like hell, but soldiered on into work. Since I was operating through a haze of misery, I knew I wasn't going to make it through a whole day, so I did my daily duties and totally bailed at lunchtime.

On my way out the door Joe suggested that I try some nasal irrigation with a Neti pot. For the uninitiated, this is an ancient little device that gently shoots warm saline through your sinuses and rinses out the impurities, leaving your nasal cavities cleansed and refreshed. Some call it nasal irrigation, but I think that sounds way too scientific. I prefer to call it Nasal Douching (tee-hee!). Cuz I'm a child and the word "douching" makes me giggle.

I took Joe's advice and stopped by my Health Food Store on my bleary way home and purchased a Neti Pot (TM) and some sea salt. I went home, prepared some saline and got ta douchin' my sinuses.

I'm pretty sure it's not supposed to come out of your mouth at all, so I must work on my form. The Proper Head-Tilt Technique is essential to the success of this procedure, and I clearly have not mastered it.

And to prove it, here's two video clips I took of my first experience with Nasal Douching. Warning: this is borderline gross. I'm posting it because it makes me laugh, and I think others will appreciate the awkward comedy inherent in life's little moments like this. If you don't want to hear me cough and choke on my own snot and some saline, I suggest you skip the vid's. But if you're game... I hope it entertains you as much as it does me.

My favorite part of the first one is the creepy breathing I bust out. Sounds like a stalker on the other end of the phone or something skeevy like that.

First the left nostril...

And then the right...

You can't really see my favorite part of the second take, but it definitely happened. The part were the only thing in the frame is my arm moving around? Yeah. That's me putting my hand down in the tub to support myself and realizing that I've just put my hand in the remnants of the stuff I just douched out of Nostril #1. Then I awkwardly come to terms with it and continue on, with my hand in a puddle of my own filth, so to speak.

After the second try, my camera batteries died, so I didn't get the 3rd try, which makes me sad, because it was as hilarious as the second, AND Loban made a comment as he walked by that would have been priceless to capture on video. He incredulously asked "You taking pictures of that?!?" To which I responded (through snot-and-saline-dripping lips) "Nah. Video."

"Aw, jeez..." is all he could muster as he continued back down the stairs.

But anyways, if you thought that was funny, then you MUST check the following clip out. Molyneaux showed me this a few months ago when he first told me of his Neti Pot. This video features the husband of Natalie Dee, the lady who has a few hilariously quirky websites worth checking out. Click her name and give 'em a look some time. But this clip is hilarious and it involves him using a Neti Pot.

If those weren't enough to quench your thirst for nasal-related comedy, just go to YouTube and search "Neti Pot". Some peoples' experiences are even more entertaining than mine was...

As for me, I will continue to use my Neti Pot when I get congested and my sinuses feel like they're on fire. The goofy little gadget actually helped me to feel better for a couple of hours, and once I get the technique down, I think I'll be all set.

Here's to Sinus Health! Cheers!

Controversy!!!

2008-05-16T01:00:00.001-04:00

A couple of weeks ago I'm walking up the stairs in my apartment and it's about 11pm on a Tuesday when my cell phone rings unexpectedly. I'm even more surprised to see that it's my friend from the good ol' days at Susky High. I cannot use her whole name on The Blaug, so she will heretofore be known simply as "GAK".

Important Note:This is NOT to be confused with my mom, who sometimes refers to herself as GAKT, which is all of her initials, including her maiden name.

Now, I'd recently spent a weekend with GAK and a few other friends here in York, so this call wasn't totally out of nowhere, but it did seem a bit odd at first, coming late at night in the middle of the week. But as she started talking to me, it became clear that she was distressed, and that her call was not about any recent weekend fun we'd had.

She asked me if I could remove her name from a previous entry on The Tauz Blaug, before she got fired.

That's right, folks! I almost got a friend of mine fired. But at least I didn't shove this female friend of mine into any solid metal objects.

She needed me to censor the entry (now-edited and re-published) about my 27th Birthday Parties because she's a teacher, and I guess teachers are not allowed to have social lives in this day and age.

Turns out one of her students was bored or something and Googled her name and guess what showed up on the second page of results? Some skinny dude's ramblings about how much fun he had with his friends and family on his birthday. Unfortunately for GAK, she was among those friends, and that skinny dude used her full name, and Blogger is a part of the Google network. And... seeing as how we were enjoying Adult Beverages at one of these parties, the student's opinion of GAK was immediately ruined. The student, in turn emailed the administration of GAK's school. The administration then held a meeting with its teachers and told them to make sure their online presences were safeguarded against students' Wandering Keyboards. Hence the panicky phone call. Ugh. Nice one, The Tauz.

So anyways... it sucks, but I self-censored an entry, for the sake of my friend, to whom I can't even give a proper shout-out, now. =^(

In conclusion, I say "Booo!" to you, kid who had too much time on their hands. Go Google yourself next time. Or at least look up porn like a normal kid.

Sheesh! Kids these days...

The Foul Creature Capture

2008-04-24T23:10:00.005-04:00

Last week I was at Molyneaux's hangin' w/ him and Catie when I saw one of those huge, nasty, slow, loud, black flies buzzin' around the room. I fucking hate those things. They kinda make me gag, which makes me want to exterminate it.

I reacted in classic The Tauz fashion: I went for the laugh.

I stood up, made an angry face at the thing and slipped one of my shoes off and held it behind my head like a weapon. When I do this (and yes, this is sadly a regular occurrence in my life), I feel like I look like a caveman, stalking his prey with a giant club slung over his shoulder. I'm sure if I ever caught a glimpse of myself in said pose, I'd be highly disappointed in the reality of my appearance. Anyways, neither Molyneaux nor Catie were looking, and I didn't get the reaction I desired.

Brushing off the lack of hilarity, I decided to stay in it, but it was no longer for the laugh. It was to get rid of that sickeningly heavy buzz that that fat fuck of an insect was filling the room with.

Before I get into the hunt, let me give you the lay of the land.

His living room is a low-ceilinged, cozy room that's filled with furniture, gaming systems, collectable toys, and DVDs. There is a love seat against one wall and a matching couch that is set up against the perpendicular wall, so that the arms of the two touch and form a square of space in the corner where their respective walls meet. In that square is a lamp and an end table. I had been occupying the love seat while the goofballs were chillin' on the couch. Catie was lying on her back, with her head on the end of the couch that was closest to the love seat, with her feet up on Molyneaux's lap. She also had a blanket over her.

So, I was stalking this shit-eater, my shoe in hand, when it flew into a brief holding pattern in the corner where the lamp is. It suddenly charged me and I deftly swung upward at the beast.

I heard its buzzing wings hit two things: the sole of my shoe and the ceiling.

I looked at Molyneaux, and I bet we were making almost exactly the same face at each other:

(=^O> <---The Tauz/Molyneaux---> O^=)

He asked if I had gotten it.

I said, "Yeah! I hit it with my shoe... where the fuck'd it go?

He says "RIGHT HERE!!" and points to Catie's blanket, right in her crotchular region.

And there it was. Being all gross and stunned. We were both shocked and that's when the giggling started. Catie seemed to be somewhat disgusted at the notion of having this creepy flying mini-behemoth lying stunned in her lap.

Molyneaux got a tissue and tried to scoop the monster up while it was still stunned from my Jedi-like attack. It squirmed away a little when he tried to get it the first time, but then got it in the tissue.

While Molyneaux was In the process of getting to his feet, I heard that sickening buzz again, but it was somewhat dampened this time.

I shot Molyneaux a cock-eyed look, and then all three of us looked at the tissue.

It was at this point that I got really giddy for some reason. The fly was trapped in a bubble of tissue. I sprang into action and grabbed my newly-"fixed" camera and took video of this momentous occasion.

I'm only slightly embarrassed by being so incredibly giggly with girlie giddiness.

Molyneaux then proceeded to the commode to flush the captive down to the depths of the Dallastown Sewer System. I turned to Catie and said "He's gonna drop the tissue into the toilet and that thing's gonna fly out of the tissue, isn't it?"

She said, "Yeah. It totally is."

I quipped, "And it's gonna be even funnier then."

It didn't. And it wasn't.

Now...I know now that it was a total "you had to be there" moment, and even though you've now seen a sample of said moment, I know it's still not the same.

But I thought it was funny. This is my life, folks. Enjoy.

Six Degrees #1

2008-04-23T00:47:00.006-04:00

James Earl Jones was the powerful voice of Mufasa in Disney's The Lion King, which also featured Nathan Lane as the meerkatty voice of Timon.

Nathan Lane was partnered with Robin Williams in The Birdcage, and quite literally, at that.

Robin Williams played the grown-up Peter Pan in Hook to Dustin Hoffman's dirty old gentleman version of the titular character.

Alternate Pathway:
James Earl Jones was in Secondhand Lions with Robert Duvall.
Duvall was in The Godfather with Al Pacino.
Pacino was in Dick Tracy with Dustin Hoffman.

A Potentially Lethal Dose of Internet Videos

2008-04-15T23:55:00.002-04:00

The following are things that consistently make me laugh, and I want to share my joy with you. You deserve it for being a The Tauz Blaug Faithful. Please don't die laughing, because I'm not sure of the legal ramifications that would come back on me in that instance.

WARNING! The first three of these are NOT SAFE FOR WORK... they're also marked with a NSFW in the description above each one... (But my guess is that if you're checking my potty-mouthed corner of the Internets already, you're probably not too worried about running across some vulgarity.)

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND. This is the Internet video that beats them all. I've probably posted it before, or made you watch it in person, or quoted it in your presence...but it's so worth watching again. A special thanks goes to Joe for introducing me to it via his website. The language used makes it NSFW. Absolute Favorite Lines: (TIE)"Fucked the shit out of bears" & "Made love like an eagle falling out of the sky"

Here's another (NSFW!!) piece from genius Brad Neely. It's not quite as kickass as the Washington video, but it definitely ranks up there. As with all of these, it benefits from multiple viewings. Absolute Favorite Line: "You fucking know he was, man."

(NSFW!!) What can I say? Neely's amazing, so here's yet another bit from his brain. Funniest Bible Lesson. Ever. Absolute Favorite Line: "...a fuck-to-death burning pile of caca..."

I love the SNL Digital Shorts and this one proves that Andy Samberg's comedy can make me nearly pee my pants with laughter. Just ask Molyneaux. Absolute Favorite Line: "Uh...someone's in here!"

I find this Digital Short to be quite inspiring. Thanks to Brett for reminding me how hilarious it is...Absolute Favorite Line: "Double Punched!"

The last one I have for you is a Funny Cat Montage.

HEY! Where are you going?!?

I know sitting through another stupid, boring one of these is a hard sell... But don't skip this one based solely upon the fact that it involves cats. Hear me out.

As a staunch anti-cat person, I have determined that this is the ONLY thing that cats are good for: Being fodder for entertainment on the Internets. I grudgingly watched this at Caleb and Autumn's one night. It turned out to be well worth it.

At first I giggled at the cute/goofy stuff. But then, a few minutes in, one cat in particular set me off on a one-way trip to Uncontrollable Gasp-Laughville. This cat did something to make me start laughing, and I then continued to laugh very hard for a solid five minutes (if not more) after I started. Soon I was gasping for air and yelling "Oh fuck!" with every breath I managed to take in. Then came the tears. I don't remember the last time I laughed like that. So you should watch this particular montage.

The video starts out innocently and predictably enough, but when you get to the cat who decides to take on a ceiling fan, that's where I fucking lost it. HARD. Absolute Favorite Part: Ceiling Fan Cat, clearly.

Hope you liked 'em and that the embeds all work! If not, drop me a comment or something...

The Tauz = Gamer?!?

2008-04-03T02:10:00.004-04:00

Thanks to the Wii ownership status I achieved on Christmas, and because of the people I hang out with, I have become a little more of gamer. I'd by NO means consider myself a hardcore gamer, not even by a longshot. But I am progressing, and I'll prove it.

I recently have both beaten another video game and I pre-ordered and, subsequently tore into, a new game. Two rapid-fire, Grown-Up Gamer accomplishments, back-to-back. Suckadick, y'all.

A while back, Joe (of fourhman.com fame) started some hype about an upcoming game for the Wii: Super Smash Brothers Brawl. I'd played Melee, which is Brawl's predecessor for the Nintendo GameCube, back when I lived with Molyneaux. I liked it well enough, but no big whoop. So when Joe was REALLY bonered up about the release of this game for the Wii, I was nonplussed. I didn't really think it should be such a big to-do. He and Tony both seemed excited for it.

So, me being the highly suggestible person that I am, I kinda got excited about it too. I even took up the cause. I tried to get Molyneaux excited, because he's more of a gamer than I have ever been, so I thought he should be excited, too. Alas, he was not very excited.

Then came the pre-order buzz. Joe went to his Toys-R-Us to place his order, which often makes him nervous. We always hear him calling and checking in on the status of the shipments and such details because he knows that the idiots who work over there can completely bone his on-time Drop-Day Purchase quite easily.

Next, Tony reported that if you pre-ordered Brawl at Circuit City, you get a $10 gift card to boot! Hearing this from him made me assume that he'd already gone through with this deal himself. (He had not, mostly because of the arrival of Codename: Project Grits. Cutest. Reason. Ever.)

Somewhere amidst all the hubbub about this game, which I was still not yet overly or even genuinely excited about, the prospect of online play came up.

I was immediately intrigued. The Wii was going to put its multi-player wi-fi abilities to the test with Brawl and that meant that I could get my ass handed to me by a broad spectrum of friends and strangers alike. There's something about combatting someone from across the county, or maybe even the world just sounded so damn COOL! This just might be worth the hype, I thought. And it was then and there that I decided I'd join the fold and pre-order with my veteran gamer brothers.

Later on, I spoke with Molyneaux about how I was going to join the ranks, and he said that was a good idea. Shortly thereafter, he proceeded to Circuit City and cashed in on the pre-order deal. Apparently I may have convinced him to be excited after all! Days later, I held true to my own mental self-vow and made the purchase. I not only bought a portion of a game that day, but I also bought a piece of The Tauz's Gaming History. I put five dollars down on progress, folks.

But all I walked outta there with... was this:

It was still a proud day.

It's a funny thing, though. I wasn't really excited about Brawl for a while, but once I got excited about it, I was REALLY excited about it. And, the Friday night before it dropped, I got a call from my boy, Caleb that got me uber-excited about it.

Joe had just left work after talking about when we were going to Brawl online against each other on Sunday. He also took off of work that Monday so he could play all day, undistracted. He was straight-up stoked about SSBB. So when Caleb called to ask if I wanted to do the normal games and fun with he and Autumn that night I said yeah. THEN, he's like "oh...and we got a Wii, and I got an advance copy of Smash Brothers. So we can play that."

I felt something come out of my butt at that point. And in spite of that feeling, a smile split my face wide open. I was realizing that I was going to get to play this game before Joe. And I did. And we took two pictures of Caleb and I with the game, flicking off the camera, and we sent them to Joe's wife's phone that night. She was confused. He figured it out and was probably pretty jealous. Good times.

My friend Brett joined in the fun with Autumn, Caleb and myself that night. We played for a solid 4 hours I'd say. It only made me want to have my own copy all the more. But there was still something in the way...

The next night (Saturday) I realized that Brawl's Launch Day was nearly upon me, and I still had yet to conquer the other game that I had recently taken quite a shine to: Super Mario Galaxy.

At this point, I was within 15 galaxies from being able to access the Final Level, but I wanted to keep playing ALL the rest of the galaxies. In order. If I was going to defeat Bowser for the first time in my life, I was going to do it right, dammit!

Sidebar

I know. I know. Some of you are in shock and awe. You're probably saying something like, "Damn, The Tauz, I'm no gamer myself, but even I've beaten the original Super Mario Bros. like, twice in my life, dude. Seriously, man? What the shit is that noise about, ass-hat?" Well, my defense is that I didn't ever have any of the consoles when I was younger.

Nor did I have any serious skills at gaming.

Nor the interest to get into gaming as a serious hobby.

But now I at least have the interest. So leave me alone. Everyone has a road to travel, and mine didn't have too many exploding bricks or big question-marked coin boxes on it, and the only mustachioed siblings of mine were not plumbers.

The only games on my road were the likes of Mortal Combat and Eternal Champions. And the only opponents I've ever beaten on my road before now were the original Sonic the Hedgehog...

...and QuackShot...

...(both of which I bested on the second-hand Sega Genesis console I bought for myself for Christmas one year from a friend). So bugger off about it.

Back to the story.

So the night before Brawl dropped, I went bowling with Loban and Angela, KK and Mike. Seeing as how we met around 11pm, you can see how this easily went well into the night/early morning. When I got home around 1am, I putzed around on the Internets for a bit and then decided that I was going to go defeat Bowser in space.

I grabbed my Wii-mote and Nunchuk, pumped down the volume and pumped up the amount of muted, swearing screams. I wasn't really that tired, actually, mostly because I get so frustrated sometimes with video games.

I should have documented this journey to rescue Peach closer to the event, because now I can't recall many of the insignificant yet entertaining details. I know I used an ass-load of continues and got a whole bunch of 5-UP letters from the Princess in the process. I did eventually beat the final stage, much to my elation. There are still stages and events to go back and mess around with, too, at a later date. But when the credits finally rolled, the sun was peeking through the blinds in my living room. I trudged up the stairs, posted the following away message: Beat Super Mario Galaxy @ 7:30am. going to bed now and P.T.F.O. (passed the FUCK out). I think I then slept until 1pm or so.

So that was done. Another notch in my belt. Next up: Smash Brothers. Later that day, I headed over to Circuit City. (I almost pulled out of my parking space without my pre-order receipt, which would have pissed me off pretty hard.)

I went to the counter and told the chick I was there to get my copy of SSBB. They had a little cart behind the counter, next to a display with the Game Guides. She grabbed one of the very few game boxes remaining on said cart. From the looks of it, I was one of the last people to pick up their copy that day. She brought it to the register and I saw that it had a stickie taped to it with "Tauzin" scrawled on it. That made me feel special for some reason. I wanted to request that she leave it on there for documentation on The Blaug, but I chickened out. (I need to work on that!)

So I brought it home, and loaded it up and Loban and I did a couple of Brawls against each other. I also let Joe know it was in my hands and that I was searching for my Friend Code to give him. I entered his onto my Friend Roster, since he'd provided his as soon as he had gotten it that day.

I gave him a holler on the phone and we started up a marathon of online Brawls between the two of us. He, of course, pwned me more times than not, but the warm-up session on Friday at Caleb's had served well as a refresher course. I think I beat him once or twice, probably with my fave, Kirby.

Since you choose your characters separately from one another, it's always a surprise which character you'll be facing. So when we both picked Pikachu and we ended up battling in Pokemon Stadium, that was funny. But the most memorable match was when he chose Peach and I chose Mario, and we ended up in one of plumber's home stages. It looked like the Famous Gaming Couple was having a helluva domestic disturbance, which made me giggle throughout the fight.

In the days since, I have come to love Spectate Mode, in which you can watch random matches between random people that are going on around the world at any given moment. It has replaced ESPN as what I watch while having breakfast in the mornings. It's really friggin cool to watch and bet on who's gonna win.

Also since that first day, Caleb and Autumn, Molyneaux, and Loban and Broban have all helped me unlock more characters with whom we can Brawl. Although I've "mastered" playing as Kirby and a white-palette-swapped Donkey Kong, I long to unlock Sonic, Mr. Game and Watch, and Jigglypuff. I've played Joe online a few more times, I've played against the brothers Loban (who were playing in my apartment on my console) alongside Molyneaux at his place, and just recently Tony picked up his copy and he, Joe and I had a hot three-way online.

It was pretty sweet... 'specially since I won a couple of matches. That made me feel good; like I belong amongst these seasoned gamer vets. Turns out I'm not completely terrible at some of these games I've been playing. And I found out that some of them are actually fun!

And that makes me feel like I am a real gamer.

See you in the Brawl Arenas, chumps!!

"Hayahyahyaaaaaah!"

...you wouldn't like me when I'm startled...

2008-03-28T02:00:00.001-04:00

I was excited to take my friend Mary Beth out for her first legal drink the other night. Duffy and I had planned to take her out since she mentioned it a few months ago, so we were all looking forward to it. And it just so happened that he and I would be running a social at the YM Room the night before her 21st, so we could just wait around afterwards, and then head out from there with her. It all came together so easily. It was great!

So Duff and I are sitting in the YM office after the social, chatting about our upcoming Retreat. We were waiting for the Birthday Girl to show up when we heard the door to the outside (not the office door, but the big heavy door across the room) make a noise. We looked at each other and we're both like, "Is the door locked?" because it sounded like someone had tugged at it from outside and made the "come let me in" noise. So, I eagerly jump up and run over towards the door, which is in a recessed area of the room. That detail is important, because it means that I can't actually see the door, nor anyone who might be just inside it until I'm face-to-face with them.

As I round the corner and the door comes into sight, so does our dear, sweet Mary Beth. She's the one who made the door noise. However... as I step into view, she lets out a healthy roar that is meant to scare whoever came over to investigate.

Now... let's pause here for a moment.

If you know me at all, you know that I'm not a fan of horror movies. There's a sensible reason for that: I don't like being scared.

And if you've spent much time with me, you've probably seen me get startled somewhat easily. Just ask my brothers. Or any of my current or past my roomates. Loban specifically was witness to one of the best Startled Tauz reactions in history. But I digress...

Aaaand if you know me really well, you know there's nothing I hate more than being spooked, startled, frightened, scared or bugged out. Even if it's meant in the most light-hearted way, I hate it. That feeling of panic that strikes and paralyzes for a split second... Fuck that feeling. Fuck it right in the anxiety-stricken privates. Worst thing ever.

EVER.

I hate it so much that it kind of makes me lose control of myself after I feel it. I actually think it's that that makes me hate being scared so much. Because I don't know what to do in that instant, and I just abhor that paralyzed feeling.

>>shiver<<

Back to my little story here.

So she lets out this yell. Which, in reality, I know it wasn't the scream itself that did me in. It probably wasn't that intimidating in and of itself. But in my mind, she grew fangs, sprouted extra lungs and let loose some unholy shreik that might normally come out of a Zombie Momma Bear that's protecting its little undead cub that I happen to be separating her from. Or at least you'd think that's what I thought about the scream...

Irregardless of what the scream actually sounded like, that panicky paralysis shock hits me.

HARD.

I could have shit myself outta fear. I could have turned tail to run and hide, (like the coward that I think myself to be) leaving only a solid urine trail behind for my loved ones to follow until they found me curled up into a ball of fetal-positioned shame. I could have done that terrified girl thing, where they just shut their eyes really hard and pull their arms in toward their face and wriggle them around uselessly while screaming back at the source of their terror. I could have done any of those things and hilarity would have ensued. But no.

So how did I react?

I lunged forward at her, put my hands on her arms that were folded in self-defense across her chest, and I shoved the SHIT out of her. I'm pretty sure I tried to put my hands straight through her. I shoved her right into the metal door frame behind her. All this, while swearing every terrible word I can think of.

Immediately, I regretted what I'd done. I just shoved

a.) a friend
b.) who was a girl
c.) in church
d.) while swearing
e.) in church
f.) on her birthday

But it was instinct. That could have been anyone who shouted at me and I would have reacted the same way. Which is scary to think I have that little control at times. It makes me appreciate the concept of the Temporary Insanity Plea. Because if I had had control over my actions in that second, I would have turned around and punched my hand or jumped up and down instead shoving her like I've never shoved anyone before in my life.

I started apologizing. Then I started hugging her and asking if she was okay. (It was more like "OoooohmyGodareyouokay?") She had this dazed look on her face that creeped me right the fuck out, like she'd gone into shock or some such shit. I couldn't tell if she was laughing or crying or gasping for breath. I was genuinely worried for her health at this point.

I looked at her and saw a small gash just above her left eye, right by her eyebrow. It had already started to swell.

I continue to swear and ask if she's okay.

She finally evens out a bit and starts into a kind of a giggle-cry thing and she starts speaking. She's saying she's okay and telling me not to feel bad and that this is actually funny.

Wow. Crazy shit. Then I started calming down a bit. Once Duffy caught up on the events he'd just missed by staying in the office, we busted out the First Aid Kits and tissues and a big ol' bag of ice. She hit the bathroom to check out the battle damage and was impressed.

Later on, we were talking about it and I said, "Well...Let this be a lesson to you guys. Don't scare me; cuz if you do, I will fuck your shit up."

After things settled down, the four of us retired to the office again: Duffy, me, Mary Beth and her ice bag.

After we chilled there for a bit, we took off into the seedy nightlife scene in New Freedom and the rest of the night went off without a hitch. We wanted to stay local for the low-key celebration, so we just took her down to the Hodle and had a few drinks. Her first legal one was an Irish Car-Bomb with Duffy. I documented the occasion with her camera.

Two scary old drunks were next to us at the bar and asked me if I wanted him to get a shot of the three of us with MB's camera. After one failed attempt, Mr. McDrinksalot snapped off a decent shot of the celebrating party. We were all relieved that McDrinksalot asked me and not MB about the picture, cuz he was kinda creepy. Good stuff, though.

I continued to feel kind of bad, because in most of the pic's I took, you can totally see her big, bloody cut... but what a story we made for her to tell everyone about her 21st birthday night, right?? Right? Am I right folks? Huh? Am I...?

Anyways... we learned a lot about each other that night. Mary Beth learned not to frighten The Tauz, lest you suffer the consequences by way of his Extreme Panic Strength. And I learned what Mary Beth's blood looks like.

Both are tough lessons to learn, but I think the long-term humor will balance out the temporary pain.

So...Cheers, Mary Beth! Here's to getting to know your friends!

***P.S.***
This is NOT an invitation to start trying to frighten me. If you do so, beware, mofo. I will delete you from my MySpace friends list. I will block you on iChat. I will FLAME YOU right here on my Internet. And I don't have a "Five", but if I did, you can guaran-damn-tee that I'd drop you out of it so fucking fast, your head would explode. Then who'd be laughing?

Think about it.

I'm Clearly Desperate for a Blaug Entry...

2008-03-05T01:13:00.001-05:00

In a genius stroke of amazing un-originality, I am going to post this thing that Tony already did, which he also got from someone else. But it looked like fun! Enjoy...

Survey Where the Answers are Pictures...

To fill this thing out, I answered each question by entering each answer into the search line on Photobucket.com - then posted the HTML code for the image ON THE FIRST PAGE THAT COMES UP that you like best as your answer or whatever. Heeeere we go....

What is your name?

How old will you be on your next birthday?

What is your zodiac sign?

What place do you visit most online?

What was your favorite thing to watch as a kid?

What is your favorite candy?

What is your favorite chips?

What kind of soft drink do you drink?

What is your favorite board game?

What shampoo do you use?

Where were you born?

Favorite hobby?

Favorite TV shows?

Favorite animal?

Favorite Sports team?

Favorite color?

Favorite movie?

Favorite drink?

Favorite food?

One word to describe yourself?

Anger leads to Hate...

2008-02-15T03:00:00.005-05:00

Dude.

What the fuck, George Lucas?

I just found out that Lucas made an announcement today that there will be a new theatrically-released animated Star Wars flick. I had heard about it and seen the trailer before and I was excited about it. Then this story becomes official and I'm pissed off.

Where did Georgey-Boy lose me?

Oh. I'll tell you where he lost me.

Does this ring a bell, George?!?

Mr. Lucas lost me when he continued to treat Star Wars: Clone Wars (2003) and the brilliant work Genndy Tartakovsky and his crew did on that project, like the red-headed stepchild of the multi-billion dollar franchise that is Star Wars.

And this isn't some fanfic bullshit that somehow miraculously made its way to actual production... this shit's canon, baby!

In case you didn't know, and a sadly large amount of "real" Star Wars fans don't, there was an animated "micro-series" that happened between Episodes II and III. It was well-written, high-quality animation, Lucas-approved, and Emmy-winning, yet it has never gotten the type of recognition that it deserves -- neither from Lucas nor Star Wars fans. These episodes were a vital and exciting contribution to the story that episodes I - VI tell.

It picks up the story immediately after the closing scene of Episode II and carries us through to the beginning of Episode III. They tell tales of all the major characters, from Anakin's trials as Obi-Wan's Padawan to Yoda and Mace Windu's battles with the Separatists. It even introduces us to lesser-known Jedi Knights and the villains they face.

Oh... ever wonder why, in his debut scene in Episode III, General Grievous is breathing all heavy? He sounds worse than an asthmatic Vader on an uphill jog!! Ever wonder why? Then go watch this animated micro-series. It's that tight with the movies. Seriously.

But with the news of this new animated movie being released in theaters, with a television show to follow, is Star Wars: Clone Wars even mentioned as a predecessor to this new addition?

Nope.

Not once.

What the fuck, dude?

Not only does it sound like they're just revamping the same basic concept they based the micro-series on, but they're acting like Star Wars: Clone Wars never even happened! I mean, seriously! What. The. Fuck!

It was the first canon animated content in the genuine "Star Wars Universe" (not the Expanded Universe, mind you), and it gets NO LOVE from Lucas. You can't even find it anywhere on the official website anymore! If you do a search for Star Wars: Clone Wars" or "micro-series" it only comes up with info for the new stuff. The only place on the Official Star Wars Website that I found mention of the micro-series was when I searched for "Genndy". I even spotted some of the artwork from the micro-series while browsing some characters I knew were in it. But no mention of it anywhere else.

Outrage.

Also, the character designs for Star Wars: The Clone Wars (the new movie and show) look like they were heisted directly from the micro-series. I can't tell if this is an insult or a compliment! Yes, they are great designs and I loved them in the original work; but to gank them and use them, seemingly without attributing their original designers openly? Shady practice at best, guys.

The new stuff is even covering the same damn time period that the micro-series did! To quote Sarah Silverman, "What the cock is that shit?!?" How many different stories can you tell with the same characters in the same time period, dude??

And the new series and movie will be CG instead of hand-drawn, which I am on the fence about. I'm just not sure the look is best for these characters. Many of them are meant to be organic and homely, but lovable. But using the gloss and fake smoothness of CG, while trying to retain some of the pointy angles from the original designs seems to rob characters like Yoda of their cel-animated charms.

When fucked over by Lucas you are, lucky will you be to look this good.

A change this is. But enough it may not be...

Plus, I'm fairly certain that Tartakovsky is not involved at all with the new project, which upsets me a bit. Not that I should assume that he wanted anything else to do with the franchise, but at least throw the dude some recognition for laying some pretty fucking solid groundwork for this next generation! (Especially if you're gonna blatantly house his stylized look.)

I came away pretty steamed and frustrated after I watched this video. He's describing how they're exploring characters in a different way than ever before... Go ahead and watch it and then tell me how many times he mentions the fact that they've already done this... Seriously, this pisses me off pretty hard (as only a true fanboy could get pissed about this sort of thing).

Now, don't get me wrong, folks. Despite my obvious frustration at the neglect of the micro-series, I am pretty excited for this new batch of Star Wars stories to hit the masses. The trailer makes it look pretty cool, actually. And, as always, I'm pretty stoked to see Asajj Ventress (below) get some more face time.

I'm just saying that Lucas the Great should dish out some love to a brilliant, yet overlooked, piece of his universe.

I close with a plea to you, my dearest Blaug Faithfuls:

Do me a favor, before I bust a blood vessel... Seek out this diamond in the rough before the new stuff hits the theaters. Rent it or buy the DVDs! You won't be disappointed, and it'll put The Tauz a bit more at ease.

May the Force be with us.

Leopard Antics

2008-02-13T01:30:00.001-05:00

Oh...by the way, Leopard (the latest Mac OS X upgrade) is awesome. I upgraded back in November and I mentioned it another Blaug entry when Joe (of fourhman.com fame) screen-shared in the middle of the entry.

Along with the normal iChat (Mac's instant messaging program) which makes 2- and 3-way video chatting a cinch, you can also show or send complete documents, pictures, and videos to the other person. But the sweetest thing that the upgrade makes possible is screen-sharing. It lets you give control of your screen and mouse to someone you are chatting with!! Awesome.

I introduced Jeff and Terry to iChat, back when they secretly got a new iMac in December. I showed 'em a bunch of its capabilities with Leopard, such as screensharing, photo theater, and video chat. I also dropped some screen-grabbing science on 'em. I took a couple of screengrabs myself to mark the occasion, as well as sent them some photos from Mason's Baptism.

Check this shot out: it's Jeff and Terry showing off Jeff's AZ Halloween costume: a huge papier-mache Lego Star Wars Han Solo. As Han would say: "Great shot kid! That was one in a million!"

And then they got their Sand-Husky in on the action for a Family ScreenGrab Photo! Aren't they cute, folks??

Brilliant. After that touching moment, we screenshared so I could try to help Terry with a problem she was having with a current project for school. It turned out I was not much help, but screensharing dazzled them. It was fucking sweet because I'm in PA and I moved a mouse in AZ. C'mon! That's awesome!! Get excited!

Terry said the video chat alone would make her mom get a cable internet connection by the week after she told her mom about it. (Her mom misses Terry somethin' fierce.)

We then goofed around with changing the backgrounds, both moving and static, as well as with the stupid/funny photo booth settings.

***

Then last week, Mark, Jeff and I tried to get a 3-way video chat going, but it didn't work. The biggest reason is that Mark's still on a PC. It was really disappointing because Jeff bought Mark the webcam for Christmas so they could video chat like Jeff and I do. But there's some wonky shit between AIM for Windows and iChat. We did get some 3-way voice conferencing going, thanks to Skype, but that was not as satisfying as a video chat would have been. We're still working on it, though.

***
Then tonight I tried to get Eep (my original college roommate and damn good friend) in on a video chat with me. (This is us on the eve of my 21st birthday...)

I tried because in my buddy list, he's listed as having video chat capability. He accepted, but the only thing that happened on my end was a big window of my webcam showing me to myself. Usually I can see the other person instead of just me...

It turns out that he doesn't own a camera yet. Nor does he have a microphone hooked up. Hmm. That's funny, cuz I thought Vista PCs were supposed to be able to compete with iMacs right outta the box... I didn't have to buy a camera or hook up a microphone for the iTauz. Interesting. (Sorry, Eep, not busting on YOU, per se...just PCs in general.)

Anyways... he revealed that he could hear me, but couldn't see me. And I could neither hear nor see him, but we had a text chat window open. So it ended up with me talking out loud and he would type back a response to my verbal questions. It's funny because, ideally, it should have been the other way around because Eep is a very slow typer and I am not. But it worked in its own backwards little way. And even though I felt pretty damn ridiculous talking out loud to my computer, but it was a funny to have it respond in Eep-speak (frequently-misspelled text messages). It looked like this:

If you look closely, I told him to smile for the picture... so he flashed up his "Joe Cool" emoticon. Classic Eep.

So to sum up... I enjoy my iMac and its upgraded operating system because it lets me be an idiot with people I totally miss because they are far away from here. Go buy one so I can be an idiot with you.

The Tauz Does (Did?) Tucson! Day 2

2008-01-27T15:34:00.000-05:00

Day 2: Friday (The Casserole, The College Campus, The Dinner Out)

Hey! Remember when I went to Arizona to visit Jeff and Terry? Well, I did. and I wrote some stuff about it in some rough drafts back in September, but never polished them up for The Blaug. (The bulk of this one was written on 9/24/07.) The only one that actually got published before now was the first one. So, in an effort to get more stuff out to you, the salivating loyals, I'm throwin' you this bone...that would have been much juicier about 120 days ago. Better late than never, eh? If you wanna review Days -1 and 1, then check it out. If you think you can handle this one w/o a reveiw, then venture on, dear reader.

I got up just before 10am (1pm SPATTT). This is me sleeping on the sofa-bed.

This is where I found Puppy-Girrrl. Adorable, eh?

Jeff and his co-workers were having a potluck party for lunch this day and he wanted me to help him out by shoving his Infamous Tuna Casserole into the oven for him. So when I went to do so, I was attacked by their oven door while opening it. I was ok, tho.

I had something to eat while I watched some "Top Chef" on Bravo, which was one of the few channels that was not fucked up. Then I looked over a map of the city. Terry had made a little "You Are Here" pointer that indicated their home on the map for me. I had decided that I'd take a trip across town to the University of Arizona campus that afternoon, after dropping Jeff and his casserole off at work.

So, when Jeff got home for lunch, we took off for Madden Preprint Media with his casserole. I stopped in, dropped it off in the lunch room, and briefly got introduced to a few co-workers of his. Then he walked me back to the car for a refresher on directions to campus. In the parking lot, we ran into one of the co-founders of his company, and I was again quickly introduced. That done, I then took off on my own in the Honda Fit with simple instructions on how to get to campus.

Miraculously, I got there no problem. I found parking, got out, hooked up my iPod, affixed my bandana, and off I went with no destination and the temperature in the 90s, easily.

While walking around, rocking out to Regina Spektor's Soviet Kitsch album, I think this old-timer blended in pretty well with the local yoots. As I meandered, I just took it all in, looking for photo-ops. Here are the few that I took advantage of:

I walked by the stadiums, in all their Empty-Seated Glory.

I also grabbed a gatorade from a nearby vending machine, cuz it was HOT AS FUCK out. I mosied through a couple of highly populated student spots and perused a mini farmers' market on the mall. (And I don't mean there were several teeny-tiny farmers. It was a mini-market, not mini-farmers.)

I came across this...interesting statue in my travels. I call it "WTF Are Those Bobcats Doing?".

It was so fuckin' strange that I wanted to capture myself near it, so I could share one of the many screwy, confused expressions that crossed my face when I first saw this piece. I know for a fact that I literally laughed out loud to myself when I saw it.

Ok...I know that IUP is a relatively small school. But seriously... how big does your damn school have to be to have a mall?!? And I'm not talking a "Hey, let's go to the Gap and then to Hot Topic and then hit the Food Court" kind of mall. I'm talking about a long, scenic stretch of land that has grass and trees and that typically leads the eye to an impressive architectural specimen at one end of said stretch. Well... U of A's campus is so damn big, it has a mall. You know what else has a mall? THE CITY OF WASHINGTON MOTHERFUCKING D.C. Your campus is too big if it has a mall. I was so blown away at thought of it that I didn't even bother to take a nice picture of the damn thing. Here is a cross-section of it, and it still looks really pretty.

Later, after I'd calmed down a bit, a pair of A-10 Warthogs (the kind of airplanes my dad used to work with in the Air National Guard) flew overhead. I tried to snap a pic, but the sun was too bright and they were moving too fast. Not 20 minutes later a pair of F-16s flew over. They were too fast to capture on camera, as well. About 30 minutes after that, what were probably the same F-16s roared by overhead. (Again with the same excuse for no picture?) Jeff told me that there's an Air Force Base located in Tucson, hence the frequent fliers. I was proud of myself for recognizing the Warthogs without Jeff or Dad being there to tell me what they were.

I also walked down Frat Row, which was ridiculous. There were palatial houses all over the damn place for frats and sororities. There may have been a metric shit-ton of them, even. There were also chalkings on the sidewalk all throughout this section of campus, which reminded me of walking to the Foster Cafeteria in Indiana.

Later on, I stopped in one of the campus bookstores to kill time and cool off for a few. I checked out the posters and U of A gear. No purchase necessary (sorry Terry).

I then swung back through what seemed to be a big central student hub, with the student union building and eateries all over the place. After that, I jetted past the post office and saw an R2 mailbox. It was right by a crowded bus stop, so (for once) I didn't want to make a scene, so I did a fly-by picture. (I did have time for a thumbs up, tho, apparently.)

So after trotting around for about an hour and a half in the sun, I felt like I'd seen all I could see on my own, so I headed back to the Fit, which I found without a problem. I de-geared myself, climbed aboard, paid for parking ($3! nice!) and took off for Tauzin Central, AZ Branch. I think we all know what comes next. Because it had been 90 minutes since I had been instructed on how to get to and from a place, I fudged up the trip home.

I successfully made it back to Madden, and whizzed by. But that's when things got cloudy. I missed my street after that, then tried to swing back to it at the next street, but didn't get it right and so I kept going, but then I saw a street name I recognized from their neighborhood, but followed it too far and ended up back on the main street. So I then took that back to the first street that I missed, turned onto the correct street, and then looked for the landmark Jeff had given me, found it and turned! Woo! I made it, and now you know exactly how it is to ride with me in unfamiliar territory.

Or pretty much anywhere.

I hung out for a bit, hitting the Internets and writing the bulk of the Day 1 entry. It was then that I last updated my Twitter status (which you can see on my MySpace profile) and created my Flixster account (which you can see right here on The Tauz Blaug).

Then, while I was taking in some more Top Chef, Jeff texted me to see if I was going to come get him at 5, since I had the car. I said yeah, so I was about to head out when Terry got home. I drove us out to Madden (I did pretty well on the memory of how to get there). However, their breaks are MUCH more sensitive than my Saturn's are, so we both had whiplash by the time we arrived at Madden, which is only 3 blocks down the street.

Needless to say Jeff drove us home.

We walked Shaida and then headed out to dinner at a burger chain joint similar to Ruby's or Friday's.

It was a nice enough place. And aside from the annoyingly large and loud party of frat boys and their sorostitute girlfriends celebrating someone's 21st birthday, it was an enjoyable night there. We had pleasant dinner conversation. Terry maliciously texted her Jewish friend who was fasting for Rosh Hashanah about the martini she was enjoying with her luscious dinner. I had a bunless burger and tortillas and a rum and Coke. Good stuff.

We then went home and watched TV for a bit and plotted for the next day of my visit in Tucson. I hit the hay around midnight, which is 3am, SPATTT (Standard PA The Tauz Time).

Maybe I'll post what happened on Day 3 after another 120 days has passed... =^)

The Epic Tale of The Tauz's Wii

2008-01-05T15:52:00.000-05:00

***(SPOILER ALERT!!!)***

I got a Wii for Christmas.

It was a complete surprise, and I have to give my parents props for pulling it off so well. They did have some help, though, and it's a great story. And so, I'll tell you all about it now!

In true Tauzin style, I will start at the very beginning, which, at first will seem absolutely and completely unrelated to the topic at hand, but stick with me and it'll all make sense eventually...

The Obscure Beginnings of The Setup
-----------------------------------

So, around July of '07, my parents were starting to destroy rooms of their house. They ripped up the old carpets and chucked massive amounts of furniture around the house. Now, I know you're thinking, "Wow...Clay doesn't seem like he'd be such a violent guy!", but you're way off.

Wait. You're right about my dad being a not-violent guy. You're off in thinking that that's why they were tearin' shit up around their house. Their intentions were not to destroy, but to redecorate and redo tons of stuff in their home. (It seems that retired people tend to do this, as well as increase the amount of times they travel to new places to take vacations.)

One day in October (maybe September or November, I'm not sure, actually) my parents were coming up to York to do some home improvement shopping. Since they were going to be in the area, they called me and asked if I wanted to go to dinner at Outback with them.

So, during dinner conversation (I said yes to their dinner invitation, in case you didn't draw that natural conclusion) I mentioned that I had hung out with Caleb and Autumn the night before. (For those of you who don't know, I've known Caleb since I was a junior and he was a freshman at Susky HS. He and I were in the drumline together and have been friends since then... I was even in his wedding, during which he and Autumn exchanged their vows.)

My mom inquired about what they were up to these days. I said that Caleb was working as a manager at a video game shop after a horrible bit of employment at a casket factory. Then, when I mentioned that Autumn was looking for a job, Mom told me to call her right then and there and invite her to meet us at Outback, so Mom could ask if she'd help them redo the house and be their decorator.

It ended up that she couldn't meet us at Outback, because of car trouble, but instead, I went and picked her up and brought her to meet Mom and Dad at Lowe's after dinner, for an "interview" and consult. They ended up hiring her and she started working with them, like, the next day. Yay!

The Build-Up
------------

So, fast forward to December. After having been exposed to Joe's and Tony's and Molyneaux's Wiis over the past year, I'd come to realize that I should just break down and buy one for myself. Even though I've never really owned a game console during its main run of popularity, the Wii has qualities that made me want in on the action this time around. (I did own a second-hand Sega Genesis system, but it was near the end of its prime game-producing era.)

After realizing that I wanted one, I mentioned it to my parents one day when I was visiting. I really didn't expect them to do anything about it, other than ask me to explain what the hell a "Wii" was. I told them how the Wii consoles were in very high demand and kinda hard to find, since they were so kick-ass. And after explaining some of the things it actually did (and telling them they'd have fun with it, too, if I got one) it was never really brought up again.

The Search
----------

At least not between me and my parents. However, it continued to be on my mind throughout the weeks leading up to Christmas. Joe, ever the encourager of people getting in on smart, current, and totally awesome gear, tossed me a tip just before Christmas. There was supposedly a big shipment of Wiis going out all across the U.S. on 12/15, and I thought I'd be totally awesome and go out and snag one for myself.

Even though I was starting to feel shitty because of an oncoming cold (which would end up being The Cold That Hated Christmas), I got up way early for a Saturday and headed out on a Wii-search. I got up at 7am, y'all. That's horrible-early for me. And especially worse cuz I probably didn't get to be until like, 2 or 3am (cuz I'm an idiot). But that's how dedicated I was to getting a Wii.

Here I am that morning, all excited to start my quest:

Like a champ, I was going to hit the Target down the street from my place first, hoping to find a ton of newly-stocked consoles behind the glass. But I turned out to me more like a chump... because when I rolled up to Target, they were not open yet.

W. T. F.

I thought that Target had mega-extended hours all throughout the Christmas season. Apparently not. Turns out, neither do Circuit City or Best Buy, cuz I cruised by those Wii hotspots only to find gated doors and empty parking lots. I didn't even bother with the mall, because I could see that it wasn't open as I drove between Target and C.C.

My last shot was that evil mega-store that's "always" open...Wal*Mart. You can tell that I was either dedicated or desperate at this point. I ventured into the 24-hour portal to Hell, sailed down the aisles to the electronics department, and glanced into the glass containers to behold...

Nawthin.

The emptiness behind that glass case spoke to me. It said, "Ain't no Wiis in East York, Tauzin. Go home." I think it laughed at me with an evil laugh as I walked away...like it knew something that I didn't...

So home, and to bed I went. In my head I thought maybe I could get up again in a couple of hours when the stores actually opened and check again.

I didn't. I slept 'til at least noon. I did make the rounds again later that afternoon, but it turned out to be another fruitless effort.

During the next week, there was a big story about how GameStop (the store where Caleb works) was giving out Wii vouchers. The deal was that you pay in full for a Wii that day, and if you are one of the 20 or so people lucky enough to snag one of these vouchers, you are guaranteed to get your console by the end of January. The trick was getting to the store early enough to get your mitts on one of 'em.

That posed a problem, because The Cold That Hated Christmas was upon me, and getting less rest at this point was a horrible idea. Desperate for advice, I called Caleb. I called to see if he could tell me when I should go to get in line, if I ended up going really early. He told me that, instead of going and waiting in line in the cold like a loser, he'd hold one for me after the vouchers were all fulfilled.

Awesome. I was relieved that I wouldn't have to be a dumbass and get up early again, and I could rest and try to recuperate.

The Home Stretch
----------------

That weekend was a big one, because Mom and Dad held a multi-purpose Open House Event. It was to celebrate:

1) Jeff and Terry being home for Christmas.
2) Jeff and Terry's 6th Wedding Anniversary.
3) Christmas in general.
4) The completion of the Tauzin House Redecoration Project.

Tons of people were there. And so was I. However, I brought along my Cold That Hated Christmas, so I didn't stay as long as I normally would have. Nor did I have as much fun as a Healthy Me would have. But I was there long enough to have another conversation with Caleb about the Wii, in front of Jeff. It was during this conversation that Bigg Dogg confirmed that I would probably have a Wii by February. Upon hearing this, I said, "I cool with having a Wii by February! I'm excited!" What a fool was I.

The Payoff
------------

All during Christmas Morning at Mom and Dad's there were presents under the tree. One stuck out as "The Big Present", though. I couldn't help but read the tag..."To Josh". Sweeeet. But then I looked at the size of it. It was eerily close to the size of a printer box. I know this because I had just gotten a new printer/scanner/copier from Amazon (thanks to an amazing deal discovered by Anna!!).

My heart sunk down to my toes, and then sprung back up to my tonsils. I thought they'd gotten me a printer, even though I told them I had already gotten one. (Let this be a lesson to all of you: Don't buy shit for yourself between Thanksgiving and Christmas!) With this notion in my head, I was dreading opening that Big Present instead of marveling in it. I thought I had ruined Christmas.

But Mom insisted that it be the Christmas Finale Present. You know...the last present unwrapped that's supposed to be the awesomest thing of the day. So I dutifully knelt down next to it, with all eyes on me. I shook it and heard...

Sleigh bells?

Nice touch, Mom.

To throw me off the Scent of What's Inside, she'd put jingle bells in the box. It was then that I stopped thinking that it was a printer. I started to get really excited and curious, which is what you're supposed to feel when opening the Big Present. Good on ya, Mom.

I ripped the wrapping to reveal a lamp box. Another classic Mom Tauzin Gift-Wrapping Move. She once gave a teenage Jeff a gift wrapped in an empty Tampax box. Cuh-lassic. (Of course I didn't get the joke at the time...) So I was positive it wasn't a printer at this point.

I start unpacking the insulation in the box. It's old curtains and a few tablecloths. At this point I realize that she's using another classic move: The This Box Is Way Too Big For The Present Within. I play along and start draping the old curtains and tablecloths around myself, poncho-style.

I finally remove a layer and unveil the Actual Gift: a Wii.

O.

M.

F.

G.

Completely shocked. Completely awed. Completely ecstatic.

Well done, everyone. Well done.

When Can We Set It Up?
----------------------

Hugs and sincere thanks are enthusiastically given to Mom and Dad. The conversations about "how I'm lucky I didn't find one and buy one on my own" and "I knew about this when..." and "when are we setting it up?" started. The Spinks arrived about five minutes after that. We did our greetings and then I started setting it up. Guess what time it was?

This year's Tauzin/Spink Christmas Theme was the music that plays while you're making Miis. We did that for so long and it was great. I did mine first, then we made a Jeffwii, Markii, Tewii (Terry), Laura, Dootswii (Mom), Cii-Tii (Dad), and even a Kywii (Kylie), even though she was not interested in playing.

Below, Mark and Terry snicker as they create Mom's Mii, without her consultation. It brought them great enjoyment to mess around and give her inappropriately large features, which they eventually resized to make a really convincing Mii for my Mom. She approved, but didn't appreciate the snickering...

Then it was on to learning how to Wii bowl.

Everyone got the hang of it pretty quickly, actually. We played Jeff, Terry, me, and Mom started the game, but Mom bailed for socializing and hostess duties, so Laura's brother John stepped in. Turns out he was a ringer. He schooled us. Here are the final standings of the first Wii Bowling game (Mom = John).

Oh. And look how Jeff Wii bowls:

Unique, wouldn't you say?

Then we did some training. Turns out Mom is great at Wii bowling after all... She killed us on the Power Training for bowling. Here's a clip, which she will be very angry about having it posted, but oh well. WORTH IT!!

That about wrapped up the Christmas Day. It was awesome...and not just because of the Wii. (Although that didn't dampen the mood of the day at all...)

The First Two Wiiks
--------------

I set the Wii up when I got home. On Loban's gargantuan tv, it's pretty fuckin' sweet, I gotta say.

Of course he enjoys playing it when he gets a chance. And in the week following Christmas, my system traveled to three different places to be set up, other than my own place: Mom and Dad's, Mark and Laura's, and Eep's house in the 'Burgh. It brought joy and wonder to all of those locales.

And in the first week of January, I had two different groups of people over for Wii fun nights. The first consisted of some good high school friends: Ashley Grupp and Wendy Glatfelter. Molyneaux (who is also a "high school friend")and Gruppy's friend Meg also joined us.

We (sans Molyneaux, as he was at work) went out to Outback for dinner that night, and the plan was to go bowling somewhere in York after that. During the meal, I suggested a cheaper and smoke-free alternative in Wii Bowling at my place. They all were very excited at this possibility.

They were all also excited by the attractive male server who was waiting on us at Outback. In order to flirt a bit with him, they asked him to take our picture. So, here's the picture that Cody The Cute Waiter From Outback took of our merry little dinner party.

Good job, Cody.

Then, it was back to my place to show these ladies my Wii. And let them play with it.

At first they were curious and confused. And by curious I mean Wendy. And by confused I mean Ashley.

But once they got into the swing of things... (as Gruppy demonstrates her baseball follow-through)

...some of them emerged champions...(like Meg, below)

...while others showed their valor by taking a slightly more experienced player on...

Much fun was had by all. They want to come back and do it again.

Heh. "Do it."

"Again."

And just because I have apparently have a deathwish... Here's video of Molyneaux Wii Boxing.

Anyways...the very next night, more people came over to play. The difference between this group and the previous night's was odd. I have known Ashley and Wendy since middle school, so...probably 15+ years or so. The group that was over the next night I'd known for about 8 hours or so. And that was by the END of the night.

Molyneaux had invited me to dine with some of his work buddies from Borders, and then we went to see Sweeney Todd (which kicked ass). Afterward, we were all kinda lingering out in the lobby and I offered up a Wii outing for those interested. The three I barely knew, plus the one I did know, plus Molyneaux again, all came over to play with my Wii.

'Twas awesome once more.

And I predict many more great times to be had with this magical system...

Thanks for reading this Massive Blaug Entry... hope it was worth the wait.

BTW, check out the new feature here at The Tauz Blaug! It's my daily excuses as to why I didn't do a REAL Blaug entry that day... I think it's funny. Let me know what you think of it, too.

Tony Party!!

2007-12-12T00:09:00.000-05:00

Today we celebrated the birth of my work friend Tony by singing and eating cake. An oddly normal way to celebrate for us crazy Promotions Guys... (C'mon. "Creative" people can't always think outta the box...) Here's the birthday dude, killin' dem flames with a mighty blow.

Work friend Anna (a.k.a. Anna, This Thing Hunts All of Us) loves to bake for special occasions, and this was certainly no exception. She showed us that it takes GUTS to tackle Tony's cake request... She dropped this awesomely-decorated Guitar Hero Red Velvet Cake on the station peeps. It smelled like Rock 'n' Roll, coated with cream cheese icing.

It is also worth mentioning that the spiral candles are the same ones I bought last year to put in the Birthday Donuts I bought for Tony's b-day. They've been just sitting in my desk all year, ready and waiting to pounce into action if a celebration broke out. They did not disappoint.

She also made me a batch of GF peanut-butter & chocolate cookies, so I could celebrate and eat w/ everyone else. (She's awesome.)

Here's a terrible shot of most of the rest of the crew: Tanzi (a.k.a. Tanzi) with crazy eyes on the left, Denise on the right in the background, and Rick on the right. Witmer (of WITMER HOUSE!!! fame) is the one in the foreground...and in the background of the candle-blowing shot. He's grinning wicked-hard in both shots because he LOVES social gatherings ever so much. Seriously. LOVES THEM.

Work friend Paula (a.k.a. Paula-Power!) enjoys some cake while we force the birthday jerkwad to dole out cake for his own party.

While Tanzi looked on (hilariously posed) from the background, Abby (on the right, with the Sheetz bag) stopped in at the tail end of the festivities, but she was not late. She gave Tony his giant York Peppermint Patty, and announced that, even though his birthday "party" was being thrown a day late, she had shown up THE DAY OF HIS ACTUAL BIRTHDAY with her gift. He had selfishly taken the day off, so was not there to receive her generous gift. "When I saw it, I thought of you and got it for you," she said.

He was more than happy to get the novelty-sized candy, and quipped "Well, I'm glad that you think of me when you see huge packages." Oh, that Tony! What a scamp.

As the brief but energy-laiden crowd started to thin, The Man of the Day started scraping the yummy crumbs from the cake pan together and dumped them onto his plate. It looked like a mess, but he didn't seem to care what it looked like... he was just filling up on the love. Happy Birthday, Bro-ny. Here's to another year in the can, and many happy returns. Le’chayim!

Yikes.

2007-12-09T14:26:00.000-05:00

So, I was heading out to go shopping for a bit today, but I had just gotten out of the shower and my hair was still wet. And seeing how it's 37 degrees out today (seriously), I didn't feel like doing the outside with wet hair thing. So I did something I normally don't do; I blow-dried my hair.

This is why I do not usually use a blow-dryer on my hair.

Impromptu Game Night 2!!

2007-11-11T05:00:00.000-05:00

So last night turned into a great big ol' Game Night at my place again. I've dubbed it "Impromptu Game Night 2". All the stars were there: Tony, Loban, Angela, Broban, Paula, Molyneaux, Big Cal, Autumn, and Joe. This turned out to be a good night for The Tauz, gamewise. I ended up with victories on many fronts this evening.

We started out with some Guitar Hero 3. Molyneaux was kind enough to bring his Xbox 360 over, so we hooked that up to PeeWee (Loban's gigantic HDtv) and let the rock flow. Mega-fun.

At the first Impromptu Game Night at my place (two weeks ago), Loban beheld the wonder of Guitar Hero, but didn't give it a try. He regretted it for the next two weeks. He redeemed himself, though by jumping at the chance to play tonight, going even so far as to request that GH be present tonight so he could play. Both Tony and Molyneaux brought their copies of the GH games.

This is what happened:

Then the Rock Wig appeared...

And then it traveled...

Here's some footage of the premiere of the soon-to-be legendary brotherly rock duo, The Brothers Loban, kickin' out some Guitar Hero jams... Beware the RAWK!!!

A bit later, as a finale (at least it was the last GH tune for Molyneaux and I) we took on the DragonForce song. Twice. I played on Easy and Molyneaux played on Medium for the first try. It was a fun challenge.

Then we both played on Expert. Ridiculous. And still fun. BUT...I had help: Broban was on the bottom two fret buttons while I strummed and took the red, yellow and green frets. It was pretty funny because about halfway through, Molyneaux looked over at me and was like..."OH! That's how you're doing so well..." He had no idea that Broban was on the guitar, too, and he was right to be confused at my current rate of surprising success. Here's a few seconds of very dark video of some of our excursion into the higher levels of GH3 in vs. mode:

(While I was composing this Blaug Entry, Joe Fourhman wrote the following statement from his computer while screen-sharing with me, which is possible because we both have iMacs with Leopard running on them! Word.)

MY WEBSITE IS THE BEST DURRRRR (www.fourhman.com) DAMN STRAIGHT

And now, back to teh Blaug...

After that, Molyneaux, Paula and I left the Lobans in the safe and searingly rockworthy hands of Tony. They continued to play, eventually switching over to GH2 for some variety. We, however set off into the realm of card games; namely Zombie Fluxx.

It was during this game that Tony took off to spend time with Melissa (a.k.a. "Johnson", his pregnant wife who was arriving home from work at that point) and Caleb and Autumn arrived to jump in on the GH action... and Joe arrived to jump in on the Zombie Fluxx game. Here's an in-game table shot:

We all found the addition of the zombies to the already fun game of Fluxx to be easy to adapt to. Paula, who'd never played normal Fluxx, had a good time with it despite the fact that the game kept her at Game Night well past her intended time constraints. The game lasted well over an hour, but was definitely good times. Here's another in-game shot, this time, of Paula's large amount of zombies. At the time of the picture, it was the largest gathering of zombies...however, I think we topped that pretty handily later in the game. Joe helps out by indicating where the zombies are with his index finger.

But in the end, I won. After a mixing-up of Keepers, I ended up with both the car and the gas can. Soon after that, someone (I believe it was Joe) was forced (by the "Play All" rule) to play the "Hit the Gas" Goal, which made me the winner. Here's my uber-hobo face of excitement-fear-happiness-confusion that set in during my moment of victory. I'm sorry.

After seeing that face, Paula felt the need to bail for some reason...
So we stuck in the "Xbox-exclusive" Beautiful Katamari to roll for a bit. This is the newest version of the oddball yet wickedly fun Katamari Damacy series, which Joe introduced some of us to years ago. And since Joe dislikes/doesn't respect any Microsoft product, he does not own an Xbox, which therefore means that he'd never played BK. But I guess his love of all things Katamari proved to be stronger than his aversion to Microsoft's console, because this happened:

If this were part of the Joe Fourhman Collectable Card Game, this would be an Ultra-Rare, or maybe even a Promo Card, available only at "Four-Con".

Anyways...Molyneaux, Joe, Caleb and I all took turns rolling while a tired (and tipsy) and somewhat confused Broban loudly mocked us. It was really quite funny and fun. Of the four of us, Mr. Fourhman was the only one to roll up a Katamari that met the size goal for The King of All Cosmos. So amazed were we, that I took another shot of Joe playing an Xbox:

While we were rolling, Molyneaux, Loban and Broban all started to fade. Loban headed up to bed. Broban set himself up on the floor with a pillow and crashed out. And Molyneaux gathered up his Xbox and Zombie Fluxx, and headed for home. He did, however leave his brand new Killer Bunnies set for us to play.

So it was down to Joe, Caleb, Autumn and me for a game of Killer Bunnies. Despite owning this game and remembering that it was "not that good", Joe wanted to give it another go. None of the rest of us had ever played it and were intrigued. We all laughed heartily when Joe was reading the directions and came across the section titled "If someone in the game suddenly has to leave..."

That did not bode well for the game's ability to keep its players interested, nor for its length of play time... And then we started to realize why this game was remembered as "not that good". When we saw the line "Am I missing something?" we started in with the comments of "Yeah...like the fun, maybe?"

Then we reached Instruction Book #2...

Note the "Read me second" star in the bottom left. We made up addendums to this such as "If you're still interested in playing this crap-ass game at all..." That pretty much set the tone for the rest of the game: playing and laughing AT the various facets of the game. I won't go into them for you, but we realized that we had much more fun commenting on the flaws than we did actually playing it...

Here's a great in-game shot. I love the following picture for three distinct reasons. They are: 1) You can see the mockery and disgust for this game on Joe's and Caleb's hilarious facial (and manual) expressions. 2) You can see the card (the orange one) that (SPOILER) wins me the game on the far side of the table at my empty seat. 3) You can see Broban sleeping on the floor behind my chair, mere inches from our loudness and derision. That is where he spent the rest of the night, folks.

So, basically what it boils down to is that you go through the motions of playing this minorly intricate game full of in-jokes (that you're not in on) made up by the guys who crapped this game out (who are douches) and it all comes down to pure chance as to who wins. Here's the endgame shot:

I won, simply because the only Carrot Card I held at the end of gameplay matched the last card in the pile of Carrot Cards. So, even though everyone else played the game well enough to have more Carrot Cards than I did by the end of the game, none of that mattered in actually winning the game. Turns out, having more Carrot Cards just increases your odds of matching THE Carrot Card that wins you the game, which is determined randomly. So the solo Carrot Card in my possession just happened to match THE Carrot Card that mattered. Point is: I won the stupid game. Local reaction:

But the one who ended up having the most fun while we played Killer Bunnies:

After that debacle, Joe went home and Autumn, Caleb and I played modified-rules Catchphrase for half an hour.

------ ***Addition!!***
While we the three of us were playing, Broban was still passed out on the floor nearby. We were between rounds and we hear him talking out of nowhere. He said "Once, obviously. Once. Obviously." This sent the three of us who were awake into a laughing fit, especially Caleb. The irony of him saying "once" more than once cleary struck Caleb as particularly funny. I had to agree, as I was laughing just as hard. Hilarious, and I'm sorry I forgot to include it in the original post. So, thanks, Caleb for the reminder in comments.
------

Then we realized that we were keeping Loban and Angela awake because we were being loud. The marrieds left for home and I finally hit the hay, too.

All in all, it was a good night. The Tauz cleaned up, victory-wise and had a lot of fun, as usual.

The World's Worst Supplemental Sunday Football Analysis Live Weblaug

2007-11-04T21:36:00.000-05:00

I spent all day Sunday inside, just watching football.

Meanwhile, Tony was over in Philly, having fun doing things which I, as of the posting of this entry, have yet to hear about...

And since he was off having fun this Sunday, I figured I'd supplement his normal "The World's Worst Sunday Football Analysis" with a special first for The Tauz Blaug: A live weblaug. And although I'm sure this live weblaug will pale in comparison to Tony's blog entry about his day at the game, I had fun doing it... So here we go.

Here I am trying to stay awake during the pre-game show. (Next to me is the metric ton of laundry I should be putting away...)

This is me, at kickoff.

Big bro Mark, the reason I'm a Cowboys fan, calls for a score update, even tho it just started. He was doing Youth Ministry/Churchy things during kickoff, so he called me to get the skinny.

Cowboys score right away, booyah. I rejoice.

I call Mark and tell him they scored. He is happy as well. I have no picture to accompany this, however.

The Sheagles answer back right away. I am upset, so I simultaneously punch the floor and shake my other fist in the air.

I then settle in for the rest of the game.

Barber is puttin' it to those birds!

T.O. is tearing it up tonight. Gitcha popcorn ready!!

Romo gets picked off near the 2-minute warning and I'm pissed.

Then Bonavan McGrabb throws an interception of his own. I receive a text from Mark: "Redemption time."

The 'Boys do indeed redeem by letting Barber run one into the end zone. This turns out to be the last points scored in the half.

I officially hate Green Week, based solely on the fact that it has given Chris Collinsworth more to say on air. Fuck that guy.

...and Bob Costas should stop fucking explaining why they're sitting in the dark EVERY time you come up on screen. EVERY TIME. Stop.

On to the Second Half...

Romo hits T.O., who is wide open for T.D. on opening drive of the half!! He then treats the Philly fans to some T.O. gloating...

I go and pop some popcorn while McNabb leads a drive during which he gets sacked. I look on with interest.

Here is Kearse making faces and "moose ears" to try and stop Tony Romo and his Cowboys.

A nice little fight breaks out after some Eagle dickwad flies in with a late helmet-to-helmet hit on Julius Jones. He is not ejected, which annoys me.

Another Cowboy TD, this time to Witten. Everybody's in on the party now!! As NBC goes to commercial, they show one particularly disappointed and uninterested Philly Fan. Mark calls and tells me that "The look on that guy's face is enough to get me to go to bed feeling safe. They better not [mess] this up."

McNabb is sacked by Demarcus Ware again, so they punt. I think this picture sums up the game at this point pretty well...

Witten catches and runs after losing his helmet!!! I can't believe I can't find pictures of this on the Internet already... That amazing play sets up the FG to make it 38 - 10 with 10 minutes to play in the 4th quarter.

I kinda stopped watching intently at this point, checking some stuff out on youtube.

NBC shows a shot of a few cheerleaders. None of them are Lauren Sadowski. Then they show the empty stands after Eagles score again with about 6 minutes left in the game, making it 38 - 17.

NBC does a quick little review of the Dallas QBs between Aikman and Romo, then cut to Brad Johnson taking his first snap of game for the 'Boys. The game ends uneventfully soon after.

I call Tony (#9 on the speed dial) and am informed that he is one of the seven remaining fans in the stadium... Here I am on the phone w/ him.

I wondered if he'd get up-close to any of the Cowboys players. Here I am imagining what it'd be like to be close to T.O.

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And in the Tony Tradition, since he couldn't hear Coach Madden's commentary this week, here are my favorite Madden Moments from this evening:

"When McNabb throws an incomplete pass, there's no chance that anyone will catch it; not his team and definitely not the other team."

"Witten blocks well, and here he comes off of the lead block and thows what we call a WHAM."

"There's no yeahbut to this game, like 'yeahbut... at least our defense played well.'"

"I've always liked him (Witten), but now I like him even better." (after he got his "hat" knocked off and kept running.)

"There's not even enough people here to get a good 'boo' goin'... usually there's enough for at least a good 'boo'."

I quickly realized that Flozell Adams has a cool name, and that's the main reason Coach Madden kept saying it over and over during the game. That and the fact that Flozell is much bigger than the guy he's blocking tonight.
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There you go. First Live Weblaug here on The Tauz Blaug. Hope you enjoyed it!