The Tauz has Got a Gun...

Being an easy-going, non-confrontational guy, I'm not a big fan of guns. I kinda wish they'd never been invented, to be honest with you.

So when I ended up in the middle of the woods in Western PA with a loaded gun in my hands, it was a bit surprising, to say the least.

Let me start at the beginning, though. As I mentioned before, I went to Pittsburgh this past weekend to celebrate Eep's birthday with him and Stoner. Eep had recently bought a new shotgun and had it out so he could bring it with him to his parents' house on Saturday. We were going with him to see his nephew become his godson and attend the family-heavy party afterward.

But when Stoner saw the gun, he got all gun-horny. Eep saw an opportunity to share his enthusiasm for guns with his friends and suggested we go fire off a few rounds at the gun range that's not far from his parents' house after the Baptism.

Stoner was very, very eager to do so.

I was not overly excited, but I wanted to go, so I could at least document the occasion for fun, at least. I eventually changed my mind and decided that I wanted to take a shot at it.

(Ba-dum bump, crash!)

So when the family festivities started winding down, we took some paper plates and drew targets on them. (Mine was an X-Men insignia... Even when I'm doing something as testosterone-driven as shooting a gun, my true nerdiness shines through! Badass!) And after packing up Eep's gun and a bunch of 22 caliber rounds (because they're the cheapest and least-lethal rounds he had), we mounted up and took the Jetta out into the woods of Western PA. And it was fucking freezing, by the way.

Since this was totally his thing, Eep was in the lead.


Stoner is "sho ikshighted"...


Eep went first, instructing us the whole time. (We later realized that the earmuff things were not even close to necessary, BTW...)



He did okay... Not his best, but he has marksmen medals to prove that he's normally a good shot.


Stoner was up next, because I wasn't about to get in between him and that gun, for fear that he'd beat me, simply for delaying his experience.


That's a sad Stoner. He didn't do too well until later, after Eep had diagnosed what was wrong. He aimed way too high, and didn't realize it. He was a pretty good shot later on, though. Totally redeemed himself, eventually.


So then it was my turn. Under the supervision of a trained professional, I loaded up the magazine and clicked it into place.



Then it hit me. I was holding a loaded gun. Still uncertain as to how I'd come to be in that moment, I paused to reflect. It was also an opportune time to grab this photo which, I feel, genuinely reflects my inner conflict:



I then took my 7 shots at the target, 33 yards away.


The scary thing is, it turns out, I'm not a horrible shot. Who knew?



Out of the 15 rounds I shot, I hit my target seven times. Now, to be fair, one of those rounds was shot at a piece of paper on the ground, like, 15 yards away, but still... that totally counts. I guess all those rounds of Wii-Play target-shooting against Loban and Broban kinda paid off. Or maybe it was the NERF dart gun practice I've been getting in around the living room lately....


Eep squoze off a few more shots...


Then Stoner hit his mark multiple times at the 33 yard marker.


And then I spent another mag. (Gun slang!)


After we'd finished off his box of bullets and each of us were suffering from varying degrees of hypothermia, we piled back into the car and headed back to the homestead feeling very manly.


Now, I'm no fool. I knew that my actions would have consequences when I decided to fire that gun. Rest assured, I did not make the decision lightly. I knew that certain friends of mine would be disgusted and disappointed. I also know that this would make others happy and proud that I'd made the most out of the opportunity.

As for me, I'm still on the fence about the whole experience. It was fun, but kinda creepy. Holding something in your hands that is designed to kill (or even just severely injure) was a heavy experience for me. I am, to date, both proud of myself and still a tad unsettled.

I would do it again, I think. Because it was fun enough, and it was in a safe environment, and it hurt exactly no one, and I never intend to use a weapon for its actual original purpose. On the other hand, I didn't enjoy it enough to go out and buy one of these pea-shooters, that's for damn sure. No way. For now, I think I'll play it safe and just stick to what I know...